Many folks do not know it but Mueller has already interviewed Donald Trump. The interview was held in private . Mueller had a stenographer take notes. Mr Trump demanded that a Russian interpreter be in the room as well. With my inside contacts, I have obtained part of the transcript.
Mueller: Good morning. For the record, can you state your full name and position.
Trump: Yes. I ..uh.. my name is ..uh…Donald Dennison…no…uh David Douchemugger…uh…wait…Drivel Bongbaker…uh…wait…I have it…uh… let me look in my wallet here. Uh. Donald Trump. Yes. Donald Trump.
Mueller: OK. And your position?
Trump: My position is the best. Best position. i have always been the best, hired the best people. The best. My position is the best position ever.
Mueller: To be more specific. What is your job?
Trump: My job. Yes, I have a job. Is this a trick question? My job is the best president. best president ever. I won the election. I beat Crooked Hillary. Best election ever. Most votes ever for a president since Honest Abe. More popular than Honest Abe. All the polls show it. Fantastic job. I am doing a fantastic job.
Mueller: OK. Let the record show that Mr Trump is the President of the United States.
Trump: I object, your honor. I am the BEST president of the United States. I won the election fair and square. No collusion. No collusion. Witch hunt.
Mueller: OK. Now. In June of 2016 were you aware of the meeting between Paul Manafort, Donald Trump, Jr.,Jared Kushner and 3 of Putin’s agents from the Kremlin? Were you aware they were meeting one floor below you in Trump Tower?
Trump: No contacts at all between my campaign and any Russian. None. Witch Hunt. No collusion. Maybe a completely unimportant meeting one time. So unimportant I don’t remember it. Meeting? What meeting. About adoptions. I love kids. Love adoptions. Meeting about adoptions. No Russians there. Never in Trump Tower. I never heard of Russians. Who is Manafort. Worked for me for a day or two. Never heard of Trump Tower. Where is it? Jared? Jared who? Who am I?
Mueller: OK. Uh. Shortly after being told that the Russian government had derogatory information about the Clintons, you stated that you were going to make a speech about the Clinton -Russia connections. But you never made such a speech. What was the basis of your original claim and why did you not make the speech about the Clinton-Russian connections?
Trump: A great speech. I made a great speech. Everyone said so. That’s not what I say, it’s what everyone says. So many speeches. Great speeches. Crooked Hillary and Russia. So much collusion. If people only knew. It would be the biggest scandal ever. Bigger than the Apprentice. the rating would be amazing. Amazing ratings. No collusion. Lock Her Up. Why aren’t you going after Hillary. Waterboard her. Not torture.
Mueller: Uh. Mr Trump. You seem to be evading all my questions. Can you answer this directly. While you made many statements that you had no contact with Russians, we have signed contract with Russians to build a Trump Tower in Moscow. You negotiated with the Russians while you were a candidate for president, yet denied any connections with Russia. Can you explain that, please?
Trump: Yes. I will be happy to answer directly. No collusion. Fake news. Witch hunt. Trump Tower is a fantastic building. WOW. I built it myself. Fine piece of architecture. best ever. I don’t say so. Everybody says so. Trump Tower is in Moscow. Uh. Oh. There is no Trump Tower in Moscow? Wait. Let me make a phone call. Oh. Later? Vlad assured me I could build one in Moscow. That’s in Russia, right? See. I know a lot . No collusion. No hookers in a Moscow hotel. That is fake. I never met Putin. Never saw him. Next question.
Mueller: (sigh). Let the record show the interview has ended.
Trump: Great job. Best interview ever. My answers were fantastic. The best answers ever. No collusion. Crooked Hillary.