Recently Mr Donald Trump,( who some of you may know is the President of these United States), had an incredibly great idea. I mean a stupendous idea. One that no one before him ever thought of.
He wants to buy Greenland.
Now the casual observer might think that Greenland is green. Well, it isn’t . It is almost all ice and snow and cold stuff. So, why is is called “Greenland”?
Seems like there was this conman (not ANOTHER one!). Yep. This guy’s name was Eric the Red. (Not to be confused with Vlad the Red). Eric sailed from Norway and ran into this icy coastline. He wanted to start a colony, so he invited some of his more gullible associates. Even though the land was cold and icy he realized that “Iceland”had already been taken. So, what to call it?
Perhaps frozen land? Really cold place? Pile of snow where nothing grows? None of those sounded very inviting. So, Eric the Con chose the name “Greenland”. Who wouldn’t want to live in a place so lush and fruitful? So, it was settled.
Today Greenland belongs to Denmark. Now, why Denmark actually wants to keep Greenland is another story. After all Greenland is melting. The icecaps are melting. The island is shrinking.
All this leads me to think that maybe it is not such a bad idea to get a hold of Greenland. If the price is right. Before it shrinks away into oblivion.
Why Donald Trump WANTS Greenland is another story. Perhaps because it is the BIGGEST island on Earth? Maybe with global warming it will soon be an ideal place for a golf course? Perhaps he learned that one of the main animals on the island are the “collared lemmings”. I mean, this guy knows how to collar lemmings. Or maybe, he saw a picture of it in a book. No one knows why he wants it, but he does.
Let’s kill two collared lemmings with one Danish muffin. I suggest a trade. We offer Texas and Florida to Denmark. They let us have Greenland. Donald Trump gets his big island (the BIGGEST island on Earth, at least temporarily). And we get rid of the two most corrupt states in the union. All in one fell swoop.
Except I don’t think the Danes are that stupid. They want to keep Greenland.
So, my second suggestion. Denmark keeps Greenland and we give them Texas and Florida for free. But I doubt the Danes want that either. They aren’t gullible. Unlike collared lemmings.
The Old Liberal 
Because everything Trump does is ultimately motivated by racism, it seems evident that he wants to buy Greenland so he can send immigrants there, except the white ones of course.
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Maybe rename it Blackland? Or Brownland?
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Before offering to buy, one usually asks if the property is for sale. In this case it isn’t. It isn’t Denmark’s to sell in any case–the people who live there have rights and voices.
It does seem like an ideal place for a prison camp. Putin has Siberia, and Trump only second-hand Alaska.
When a powerful neighbor offers to buy a property that isn’t for sale, there is a veiled threat. When a land agent calls on behalf of an oil company, the owner may think it wiser to sell than to wait for the property to be stolen. The “Gadsden Purchase” wasn’t a purchase, it was a forced sale–theft.
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You think Trump may try to use “imminent domain” to grab it?
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I find the focus on Greenland disturbing. Is Greenland, indefensible, to be divided into spheres of influence as China once was with Russia, Canada, China, Sweden and possibly others making claims? There is a treaty wrt Antarctica, but Trump’s disdain for the UN makes even that seem shaky. Could Trump order the occupation of Greenland on some pretext? Will Denmark now need to invest in military forces to defend Greenland as Canada has done in defense of its claims to its Northern Territories?
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I immediately thought of the golf course, assuming that he assumed the island is a lush green place.
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If Trump gets re-elected his anti-global warming policies might just turn it into a tropical paradise.
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