You Bought What?

So, $600,000,000,000 (that’s $600 billion) has gone missing. Well, not really missing. Somebody has it. That’s the money that was earmarked for small businesses to help them get through the covid-19 pandemic.

The money Congress appropriated. Legal. Now, in order to get some of this money a business had to fill out an application. An application which made it clear that this money was not given in secret. No right to privacy. After all, its the taxpayers money you are getting.

Then something strange happened. My good friend, Stephen Mnuchin , Secretary of the Treasury, has decided the American people do not have the right to know what happened to those $600,000,000,000. (That’s billion).It’s secret. Hush. Hush money?

So, I called Steve and asked him about it.

Me: Hello Steve, how’s the trophy wife?

Steve: HA HA , you wish. She’s fine.

Me: What about this $600 billion dollars you gave away. Where did it go?

Steve: None of your business. Top secret. Private. No one needs to know. Trust me. It has all gone to a good cause.. or two.

Me: But shouldn’t the taxpayers know how their money is being spent? You know, oversight? Transparency?

Steve: Joe, Joe, Joe. You crack me up. I am the Secretary of the Treasury. It’s MY money, you silly guy…. (end of conversation)..

So, I say to myself, you know. Steve has the right idea. I think (and this is where I always get into trouble) I might try this in my own house. Not being as frugal as my better half, I have absolutely no savings. But, lucky spouse that I am, Betsy has a few bucks tucked away.

Being a rather charming and eloquent guy, I convinced Betsy to “loan” me $3,000 from her savings. She, of course, wanted to know why I needed the cash. I assured her that there are MANY things that need to be done around the house. And I was planning on putting the money to good use. It is probable that visions of painting rooms, fixing gutters and rewiring the basement flittered through her imagination. Who was I to dismiss such fantasies?

Anyhow. A week later.

Betsy: So, what have you bought with the money I gave you?

Me: Essentials. Things we needed. And I provided. I’m a provider.

Betsy: What, specifically.

Me: All kinds of good things. Things to make our household great again. Things you would approve of. Wonderful things.

Betsy: Look, Buster. I want specifics. What did you spend my 3,000 bucks on? And it better be good.

Me: Well, as my good friend Stephen Mnuchin says, you really don’t need to know. I consider it private . Let’s call it proprietary information. Need to know basis. None of your business, my dear. You are out of the loop, darling…… (end of conversation)…

An hour later, after I had time to staunch the bleeding in my nose and the ice pack on my left eye had melted, I hobbled out to the car. With tears in my eyes I drove back to Golfer’s World and reluctantly returned the $3,000 set of golf clubs and accoutrements.

As I was leaving the store I saw Steve and his wife exiting Alfredo’s Luxury Furs. Now, to be precise it was not his first wife, Kathyrn. Or his second wife, Heather. No. It was his third wife, Louise. And she was sporting a very fine Ocelot skin jacket. They made a very attractive couple.

Me: Hey, Steve, I was just wondering where…. (he interrupted, raising his hand)…

Steve: Don’t even ask. Proprietary information.

I wish Betsy had been with me.

4 Comments

Filed under Debt, economics, Economy, GOP, government, Politics, Society, Taxes, United States

4 responses to “You Bought What?

  1. And there’s so much other crappy stuff going on that people can’t even focus on this gigantic fraud.

    I think you owe Betsy an apology, however, for depicting her as an abusive spouse…

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Some might ask, “So, politicians have been inventing ways to divert taxpayers’ money since politicians invented taxes. What the big deal?”

    Well, you know, a few hundred billion here, a few hundred billion there — pretty soon, it adds up to big money!

    Liked by 2 people

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