How To Vote

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There is a lot of talk about the Postal service and how it may impact the election this year. That is a problem, but like every problem (well, almost every problem) there is a solution.

Is there voter suppression? Yes. Do some states make it difficult for city folks (read: African Americans) to vote by limiting polling places? Yes. Are they wheeling away mailboxes in urban areas? Yes.

But, by doing a little research into your home state and county you may find it is easier to vote than you think. Bottom line. And I will repeat this.

DON’T WAIT

And again….

DON’T WAIT.

Vote as early as possible. Do not use the mail service unless absolutely necessary. Voting early means you are not likely to face long lines and can easily social distance.

If you are voting absentee, HAND DELIVER you ballot before election day if it is legal to do so. (In NY you cannot hand deliver your absentee ballot on election day!)

You may be surprised at how many states make it very easy for you to vote. I have 2 links below, which are fairly up to date. One on voting regulations for each state, the other on EARLY VOTING for states that allow it.

Let me summarize briefly:

35 states/territories allow you to request an absentee ballot without a reason; 20 states/territories allow an absentee ballot with a reason and a few are now accepting covid-19 as a reason. One state has no absentee voting because ALL voting is by mail (Oregon).

30 states/territories have early voting in person. (Link is below) . So if you live in one of those states you can vote early and in person. Not likely to be long lines for early voting! No mail to worry about. Do it!

Almost every state (except NH and Minnesota and with some restrictions Wisconsin) allow provisional voting. That means if you are registered and get to the polling place and you are not on the rolls you have the right to cast a provisional ballot. Then, you must go to the County Board of Elections and prove your residency (usually within a couple days). So, always vote, even if they tell you you are not eligible. It is your right. Recall that in 2000 with the massive voter purge in Florida thousands of legal voters were eliminated, including a US Congresswoman ! She knew enough to demand a provisional ballot; I wonder how many did not?

21 states/territories have same day registration. This is especially good for younger voters. Just make sure you have the right ID. By the same token, the other states/territories do NOT have same day registration. For example, In Georgia you must register by October 5 to be eligible to vote. In Kansas you have until October 13th. Use the link below.

If you do request an absentee ballot can you hand deliver it instead of using the mail? That is a question you need to ask at your own local board of elections.

The two links below are very helpful for locating information for this election. They can link you to info specific to your state. Keep in mind that a few states have different rules for each county. Find out well in advance. No excuses.

Don’t let them steal another one.

https://www.usvotefoundation.org/vote/state-elections/state-voting-laws-requirements.htm

https://www.vote.org/early-voting-calendar/

Where’s the Horse?

Kamala Harris has been chosen by Joe Biden to be his running mate in this election. Watching MSNBC , the liberal Democratic news channel, people are euphoric. She is , after all, a good, solid, intelligent choice. The obvious choice.

According to the talking heads she will only add to Biden’s upcoming victory. And beyond that, she is now in place to be the first woman president of the United States. They all agree, when Biden’s 4 years are up, he will relinquish the crown to Kamala.

She will then be elevated into the highest elective office in the land.

That is the “cart” of the current euphoric liberal Democrats. It’s in the bag. The presidency of Kamala Harris is inevitable. She’s in the cart.

Problem. Where is the horse?

In 2016 the “brain trusts” of the Hillary Clinton campaign put the cart before the horse. I recall in the last weeks of the campaign they were focusing on Arizona, a deeply red state. They wanted a big victory. And the polls  (except for the LA Times) and pundits had only one question. How big was the victory going to be? By how much would she bury Donald Trump?

(One of the members of the Clinton brain trust was Donna Brazile. The same Donna Brazile who was the campaign manager for the failed Gore presidential bid. A man who lost his home state. Brilliant strategy. The same Brazile who worked on the Mondale campaign. He lost. The same Brazile who worked on the Gephardt campaign. He lost. the same Brazile who worked on the Dukakis campaign . A man who at one point held a 55-38% lead on George Bush. He lost. The same Brazile who worked on the Jackson campaign. He lost. Do you detect a pattern here? And after Hillary lost in 2016 Brazile changed jobs. The 5 time loser was hired as an expert. She became a commentator on the Fox News network).

Back to 2016. The Democratic brain trust did not send Clinton to Michigan. They did not get out the vote. Why not? It was in the cart. They did not have her campaign late in the election in Wisconsin. No problem. In the cart. Not in Pennsylvania. We got this. No worries.  In the cart. Relax, it’s in the cart.

The brain trusts of the Hillary campaign were so sure of victory that they rented a massive hall with a “glass ceiling”. This was going to be an historic victory. The glass ceiling was going to be busted through. Smashed. The polls (except for the LA Times) were clear. And, to be sure, the American people overwhelmingly voted for Hillary. They were in the cart.

And the cart sat there. Full of hubris. The cart sat there as the votes came in. Full of the brain trusts. The cart sat there. The glass ceiling stayed intact. The cart was going nowhere.

Only one problem. Where is the horse? Who was supposed to bring the horse? What happened to the horse? We need a horse! But the brain trust had left open the barn door.

Good old Mr Ed was making a speech in Wisconsin.  Whirlaway was away eating grass in a field in Ohio. Seabiscuit was out to lunch in Michigan. Secretariat was on vacation in Moscow. Hubris doesn’t pull a cart.

So, before we anoint Kamala Harris as the 47th president of the United States, perhaps we need to put first things first. Instead of a coronation we should harness up the workhorses and make sure the votes are counted in 2020. First things first. One step at a time.

Be excited. Yes. Be confident. Yes. Be hopeful, Yes. But leave the hubris behind. Don’t ask the advice of Donna Brazile. Don’t put the cart before the horse.

Acceptance Speech Dilemma

Mr Trump, who has not allowed any opposition within the GOP to his nomination, has to decide where to make his acceptance speech. According to news sources has has narrowed down his choices to the White House and Gettysburg. Two of the most important sites in US history.

However, I have learned though White House sources that these are not the only two places under consideration. The White House brain trust of Donald Junior, Ivanka, Jeb the night janitor and Bobo the One Eyed chimp are looking at other options and their pros and cons. They have formed a committee to investigate the possible itinerary for the speech, the Committee to Investigate Territory Now, (Comintern). I was able to speak with the most articulate member of the Committee, Bobo just last night.

Me: Hi Bobo. So, have a banana. What can you tell me about the possible speech sites?

Bobo: Hoot..hoot…hoot. (Through our interpreter, Jane) We have good sites. Many good sites.

Me: For example, what is on your list?

(Note : For simplification the rest of Bobo’s account will eliminate his actual words or hoots. They are the words of the Interpreter. Also, for clarification, Bobo did consume 3 bunches of bananas during the process)

Bobo: First thought was Mount Rushmore. Maybe taking a jack hammer to Lincoln to make room for a carving of the best president ever. Imagine. Donald Trump making the speech below a massive carving of Donald Trump. It boggles.

Me: So, what else?

Bobo: Then we thought, well, this was Ivanka’s idea, maybe fly to China. Have a great photo op in one of Ivanka’s purse factories. Donald could be surrounded by smiling faces of happy kids . Happy because they have a 30 minute break (unpaid, of course). But Xi would not agree. So that got nixed.

Me: So, other options?

Bobo: We tossed around the idea of Florida. Anywhere in Florida. At any hospital. Donald would go into a Covid-19 ICU and spray the patients with Clorox bleach. Show some real leadership fighting the pandemic. But no hospital would give us permission. Something about the Hippocratic Oath. Guess there are a lot of hypocrites in Florida.

Me: So, that one went down the tubes. Any other possibilities?

Bobo: Donald Junior suggested a golf course. One of Trump’s own golf courses. What symbolizes a connection with the white working class better than a country club? Donald would drive out in a gold plated golf cart onto the first tee. He would be followed by Pence in a silver plated golf cart. Pence would lie down on the tee box, balance a golf ball on his nose and Donald would smack it into the fairway. Then, they would ride down to the green of the first hole, Pence always 5 lengths behind Donald. Donald would drive his cart right up to the hole, lean down and take out a golden golf ball with MAGA emblazoned on it. Then give the best speech ever. We had a minor problem when we practiced this one. Pence is still recovering at Walter Reed hospital. Thank god for Obamacare.

Me: Well, Bobo, I hate to say it, but you guys really haven’t come up with much.

Bobo: Think not? You haven’t heard our back up emergency plan.

Me: Emergency plan?

Bobo: Yep, if Donald keeps dropping in the polls. And if the Manhattan district attorney gets a hold of Trump’s tax returns. We will fly the entire family along with Roger Stone and Bill Barr to the Kremlin. Kindly ask permission for an audience with Donald’s boss. Then the Donald will drop to his knees and deliver his farewell address at the feet of Vlad. It’s the last resort, of course. But certainly an option.

Me: Well, if that happens there will be a lot of angry Americans. And even more happy ones.

Bobo: No kidding. One thing for sure. Once we land in Moscow, they will never see Air Force One again. Pass that banana over here, would ya?

 

Vladimir Appleseed

In the early 19th century a man named John Chapman wandered around Pennsylvania, Ohio and other states planting orchards. Orchards of apples. As time went on and stories about his life changed he became a legend.

Images and stories of Chapman wandering across the country flinging apple seeds hither and yon. Creating orchards in his wake. So John Chapman earned the nickname of “Johnny Appleseed”. An American folk hero.

Of course there is a lot of truth in these stories. Johnny did plant orchards of apple trees. Then he protected them from wild animals by  fencing, as any good horticulturalist would do. He did travel across many states. He did spread apples across the “western”states.

Those seeds took root. He came out every year and tended those orchards. He made sure his wide ranging plantings were protected and managed. It worked. In the early 19th century clean water was not easy to come by. Which is why “cider” was a popular drink. The trees Johnny planted were not good for eating apples, but were great for cider. A real public service.

Now, on the internet, we have a new Johnny Appleseed. His name is Vladimir. He trolls through the vast web of on line information and plants the seeds. The seeds of dissent. The seeds of doubt. Flinging them hither and yon. Hoping they take root.

He is seeding and tending orchards of misinformation. Of false news. Of divisive, negative nonsense. He pretends he is a black man and sows seeds trying to divide blacks from whites. He pretends he is a Democrat or a Republican and sows seeds of hatred for the other side. He pretends he is a doctor and sows seeds of confusion concerning Covid-19. And it is working. Americans are confused. Divided as never before.

It worked in 2016 and it is working today. Vladimir Appleseed planted the misinformation of “Clinton Corruption” in 2016 and many folks devoured the apples. I recall doing a “search” on the name “Hillary Clinton” during the campaign. At one point the first 2 pages of links were all about the Clinton “health issues”

Of course, there were no health issues. But seeding the internet with false reports and bots, Vladimir Appleseed was able to push Clinton “health issues” to the top of the Google research pages. Because stories are placed in the order of how many others have clicked on the site. Not based on accuracy, just numbers. It worked.

So, Vladimir Appleseed is at it again. Joe Biden is some kind of child molester. Joe Biden has mental issues. Joe Biden is some kind of crook with contacts with the Ukraine. It’s all out there. Joe Biden is a racist. Joe Biden is a socialist. Seeded.

Now, Johnny Appleseed is an American hero. He was a fine man who spread the “good news”of apple trees. An overwhelmingly positive force. Except.

Except. John Chapman also planted a medicinal herb called “dogfennel”. An invasive, quick growing plant that has a certain odor. Unfortunately dogfennel is also poisonous. John didn’t know it, but he was spreading the seeds of poison as well as the seed of cider.

Johnny Appleseed spread apples and dogfennel. A great crop and a poisonous plant.

Vladimir Appleseed has skipped the apples and gone straight to the dogfennel. He knows exactly what he is doing. Spreading the seeds. The lies. the misinformation. And people are unaware of its poisonous properties.

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Johnny_Appleseed

https://plants.ces.ncsu.edu/plants/eupatorium-capillifolium/

 

Finally, An Honest Man

A friend of mine, Diogenese Lamplighter, was walking around with a big smile on his face. Which is quite unusual for him. So, being curious and always willing to throw a blanket over happiness , I had to intervene.

Me: Dio, old boy. What have you got to smile about?

Dio: Well, cranky one, I have finally reached my goal. I have found an honest man. Just one. But he is an honest man.

Me: Needless to say, Dio, I am a bit skeptical. A truly honest man?  Are you sure or have you been hitting ouzo again?

Dio: A man who tells it like it is. No bullshit. He says what he means and means what he says. Total honesty.

Me: Wow. Where did you find this guy? In a monastery or church…wait.. of course not. Hmm. In a cave somewhere far away from civilization? Where, oh, wise one, where?

Dio: 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington, DC.

Me: OK. Let me google map that…hmmm… hey… wait a minute, Dio, that’s the White House! You mean there is someone in the White House who is an honest man? That would be a first.

Dio: Oh yes. A completely honest man. A man who hides nothing.

Me: (kind of excited now, which doesn’t happen much) Who? Who? Jared? No way. Maybe Steve Miller? Nah, can’t be. I know, I know..it’s got to be Barron? Right?

Dio: No, my foolish, disillusioned friend, it is none other than Donald J Trump, President of the United States.

Me: Sheesh. Now I KNOW you have been not only hitting the ouzo but also soaked the grape leaves in too much white wine. Trump? Honest? Give me a break.

Dio: I will do better. I will give you my analysis. After all these years of searching for an honest man, it has only been Donald J Trump, President of the United States, who has dared to speak the truth.

Me: But… but… he is a racist, a xenophobe, a climate change denier… even some Republicans don’t like him.

Dio: Oh, but you are missing the point. For the last 40 years the Republican party has done everything it legally can to support big business. At the expense of workers. And at the expense of the small business owner. They have pretended to care about workers but oppose the minimum wage. They say they want health care but have opposed health care reforms for years. They are in court right now, trying to destroy the ACA.  As Mr Reagan said, in the eyes of the GOP the “government is the problem”. Because “government” is the only thing preventing corporations from driving out small business and keeping wages low.

Me: Well, I don’t know. Seems to me that the GOP over the last 40 years have just been advocating for following the Constitution.

Dio: Did the Constitution say corporations are “persons”? Or that voting should be suppressed?  Or that black folks should not have equal protection under the law? Or that the post office should be destroyed? Or prisons privatized?

Me: So, what is your point?

Dio: My point is that the Republican party has been a party of racism (remember the Willie Horton ad), bigotry, sexism and anti-working man and anti-small business for at least 40  years. But they pretend to be otherwise. I mean, how can you win an election if  you tell people that you’re main motivation is to screw them?  How can you win an election if you tell folks ahead of time that you are giving millionaires massive tax breaks because it is good for people making $7.25 an hour (the minimum wage)? How can you win an election by telling working people that they would be better off without government protection of their water? But Trump. He is honest.

Me: So , you are saying that Trump just says what the GOP has been afraid to say?  But that they really do support him and his racism and misogyny and general disdain for science and  working people?

Dio: DUH. Mr Trump just says out loud what the GOP has been saying, with their policies, for the last 40 years. Now, I admit, he is a bit more vulgar than many in the GOP would like, but he has given them the government they want.  Corrupt. Racist. Incompetent. Authoritarian.

Dio: I can snuff out the flame on my lamp. Finally, an honest man.