Well, I heard that dead people are voting in Nevada. I heard this on America’s finest news source, Fox News ! So, I assume it must be true. The person making this claim did not have any evidence.
But that is not the point. At least for me. Whether the actual facts of the case are real or not is irrelevant. Not only to Fox, where all evidence is irrelevant, but to me.
I am impressed. I am pleasantly surprised even. Dead people voting.
We don’t know WHO they voted for, but these dead folks evidently felt it was their patriotic duty to participate. To make their voices , or teeth chatters, heard.
In a nation where only about 60% of the population usually votes it is refreshing that the dead have taken the time and effort to fill in for the lazy bastards who don’t vote.
Now, we have no videos of dead people voting, which is odd since everything that happens nowadays is posted on Youtube within 3 minutes of the event. (See the pretty kitty playing with the birdy. Oops.) But, as the Oxford trained Senator Kennedy of Louisiana has said when asked about charges about Biden made without evidence: The absence of evidence is evidence.
So, to follow Senator Kennedy, the lack of video or other evidence of dead people voting in no way changes the fact that dead people have voted. Digest that. The absence of evidence is evidence.
That being the case, we can let our imaginations construct the probably scenario of dead people voting.
Since dead people are socially responsible they would certainly maintain social distancing in the voting line. (I say socially responsible because of the massive effort to get out of their graves. Getting out of a box buried by your family under ground is not easy. Take it from me.) Plus, wearing a mask hides the fact that their faces have long since rotted away. On the plus side, since they can’t breathe they could not infect anyone else. On the minus side what could be worse than contracting the covid when you are already dead? I mean, talk about piling it on.
After waiting politely in line for hours (what is time for a dead person, no job interviews to go to?) the zombie-like voter would approach the polling place. Of course, they would need to produce proof of identity. Can you prove you are Hester Mc Gillicutty? Easy. Here is my death certificate. Signed, sealed and dated, 1875.
Filling in the ballot may be a problem. But, poll workers are nothing if not creative. A rubber band would be enough to secure the Sharpie to the bony intermediate and proximal phalanges. So, the vote is recorded. Or kind of recorded. Without eyes they may fill in the ballot a little outside the bubble. Or outside the ballot completely.
Seems as though some folks are condemning the dead for voting. Not me. What a great example of civic responsibility. What a great role model for our youngsters and the newly deceased. I mean people were beaten and died for the right to vote. The living dead showing us the way.
So, let’s not condemn the dead. Let us celebrate their patriotism. Their devotion to the nation. And, after all, their brains have atrophied to the point of extinction. So, I guess we know who they voted for after all.