Category Archives: african-american
Since today is Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day I thought it would be appropriate to give some advice to my black son. Advice on how to live a long life in a hostile nation.
Problem is I don’t have a black son. Both my son and daughter are white. As is my wife. And we have a long history of ancestors who were also white. Quite a coincidence. Being white, there was never the necessity of having this little talk with him or her. But I digress.
To my black son or grandson. First, I will make some assumptions about you, most of which are not true.
You live in poverty (actually 73% of African Americans do not live in poverty, but the percentage IS higher for children and young adults) http://kff.org/other/state-indicator/poverty-rate-by-raceethnicity/
Your parents do not own their own home (55% do not, but 45% do). http://www.infoplease.com/ipa/A0883976.html
You will be arrested for a violent crime this year . (about 1/2 of 1% of black youths will be arrested for a violent offense, so 99.5% of black youths will NOT be arrested for a violent crime) http://www.ojjdp.gov/ojstatbb/crime/JAR_Display.asp?ID=qa05261
You are most likely a high school “drop out” . (The drop out rate for African American males is approximately 7%, so 93% are NOT drop outs) http://nces.ed.gov/fastfacts/display.asp?id=16
Enough of statistics. And stereotypes. I want you to live a long and happy life. Keep in mind the following.
First of all you have rights. The right to free speech. To drive. To assembly. To individuality. To be young. And to be stupid at times. To walk down the street. To carry a gun in some states. To use a cell phone.
My Rules for my black son. Listen carefully:
1. Take that last paragraph about your rights and forget it. Assume , instead, that you have no rights. Accept reality. Act like you have no rights. You will live longer.
2.If the police stop you in your car or walking be respectful. Don’t argue. Be polite. “Yes, officer. No,officer”. If you see the cops driving around in your neighborhood wave and smile.
3.Sew your pockets shut. So you cannot possibly reach inside them. Don’t carry a cell phone. Or comb. Or knife. Or anything.
4.Don’t be out after dark. If you are a friend’s house, call home and tell ma and pa that you are sleeping over. Do the same for your friends when they are visiting you at night. Don’t be out after dark.
5.Don’t go to places where you know drug dealers hang out. If drug dealers show up where you are hanging out, go home. Now.
6.If you are arrested for some reason say nothing. Nothing. If you are put in a cell do not talk to your cellmate. Be polite and ask for a lawyer. Say nothing.
7.Don’t wear bling. Don’t wear a hoodie. Don’t wear your cap backwards. Don’t argue with anyone about anything. Swallow your pride. Often. Regularly.
8.Act like you are a Jew in Nazi Germany. Pretend you are a foreigner with no rights.
Should you have to follow these rules? No. But in reality these rules will give you a much better chance of making it to adulthood than the Bill of Rights. Or the Voting Rights Act. Or any other legal protections. Sorry, my black son, but that is reality.
As MLK, Jr hoped, someday you WILL be judged by the content of your character and not by the color of your skin. But January 18, 2016 in America is not yet that day.
(Somewhere in the deepest caves in Afghanistan a meeting of the Al-Qaeda leadership is taking place.)
Mustafa Waynoofa La Pierre: Allah Be Praised. Where are the corn chips? Ah. Good. Welcome to the first meeting of the Al-Qaeda chapter of the National Rifle Association. Although our funds are running low we feel the $35 membership is well worth the cost. Not only do we get insurance if any of our guns are stolen, but we also get a free subscription to “American Hunter”. I think it is a guide to hunting Americans. Questions?
Mohammed bin O’Reilly: Why are we joining this American organization? Allah Be Praised. Is it not an organization of loyal Americans?
MustafaWaynoofa La Pierre : I know it seems strange. Allah and AK-47s Be Praised. But our accountants have done a cost-benefit analysis and we decided this was the best bang for the buck, so to speak.
Abdullah Zimmerman: Explain that. Our goal is to kill Americans. Not protect them. We lured them to Iraq and Afghanistan to kill them. And it worked. Allah and George Bush Be Praised.
John Wilkes Boothafa: And we spent so much time planning 9/11. Look how many we killed. Allah and Cheney Be Praised. Now you are saying we should join the Americans! Never.
Mustafa Waynoofa La Pierre: Hear me out. Joining the NRA is the easiest, cheapest way to kill Americans. And isn’t that out goal? Allah and Fox News Be Praised. In Iraq and Afghanistan we have killed fewer than 7,000 Americans! And it has taken us 13 years ! Fewer than 3,000 in the attacks on 9/11. We thought that was good. HAH!
Many shouting in the room: Praise Allah. Kill the infidels! Allah Be Praised.
Mustafa Waynoofa La Pierre: Wait ! Wait ! During that same period in the US Americans with guns killed over 420,000 Americans. That is more than all Americans killed in all the wars since WW2. Allah and the NRA Be Praised. In fact, more Americans have been killed by guns since 9/11 than ALL Americans killed in WW2 by the Germans and Japanese combined. Allah and La Pierre Be Praised !
Abdullah James Earl Rayoofa: This is embarrassing. You mean we spent all this time and money and energy and sacrifice trying to kill Americans and we have this result?
Mustafa Waynoofa La Pierre: We have been fools. Allah and Smith and Wesson Be Praised. Instead of wasting our time and energy on plots to destroy Americans we could have simply joined and supported the NRA. They do a much better job a killing Americans than we could ever dream of. They make sure every hateful, mentally ill American can get a gun. Not to mention children . There is a special place in paradise for Wayne La Pierre. He will certainly have many virgins…unless he shoots them first.
Muhammed bin Huckabee: So. What should we do? Allah and Cop Killer Bullets Be Praised.
Mustafa Waynoofa La Pierre: Easy. Just fill in the form. Include your VISA card number and join. You will get a free magazine, insurance for your guns and the knowledge that you are helping stop any sane laws to control guns in America. Think of all those American children that you are helping murder! And as a bonus, the NRA is the only organization that hates the American president more than we do! They will make sure American keep killing Americans. When it comes to killing Americans, nobody does it better. They have a saying in the ungodly, Satan-worshiping USA. If you can’t beat em, join em. And when it comes to helping people kill Americans, nobody beats the NRA.
In one of the weirdest stories on the interweb this week we see the NYC police in action.
There is a fight on the uptown 6 subway and the conductor calls for help. Four cops, not in uniform , immediately respond. They subdue both of the apparently homeless black guys who are fighting. Since the cops are not carrying weapons they have to use their BARE hands. But they get the job done.
No choke holds. No tazers. No guns drawn and fired. Using only their wits and training they stop the fight and hold the men down until more help arrives.
While one of the combatants yells and screams the police CALMLY settle him down. The police keep their cool. Defusing the violent situation. One cop can be heard calming reassuring a combatant as he holds the man in check and tries to calm him down. No punching. No choking. No threats. No slurs.
Police work, par excellence.
These NYC cops should be commended for their bravery and their ability to stop a violent situation with only their bare hands and wits. In fact, NYPD commissioner Bratton does just that. He says they have done a “great honor ” to their police department and to their country. Shining examples of what police work can be! So, who are these men?
Samuel Kvarzell….Marcus Asburg…Eric Jansberger…Eric Nalsund……what ?….what ? …oops…
These off duty cops were not NYPD. Ummmm. They were actual tourists. Cops from Sweden. Cops that have evidently been trained to do high quality police work without drawing their weapons.
And the homeless black guys are still alive.