Category Archives: Israel

Trump Dictionary…J is for…K is for

Jared. Top adviser . Fantastic . Doing a great job. He solved the Middle East problem with his peace plan. They said it couldn’t be done. He did it. Peace in the Middle East. More details later. Owns a great building in NY. Made over $80,000,000 last year part-time while working for me. How does he do it? Gets to sleep with Ivanka. Fantastic guy. Lucky guy.

Jerusalem. Wonderful city. In Israel. I made Jerusalem the capital of Israel. Before me people said, where is the capital? Who knew? I said. Jerusalem. . No one else could do it. I did it. All the Jews love me for it. Built an embassy in Jerusalem. Came in on time and under budget. They said it couldn’t be done. No one could build an embassy. I did it.

Jews. Sometimes referred to as the Chosen People. That’s what people say. Many live in Israel. Great nation of Israel. Love the people. Love the Jews. Good with money. I always say, let a Jew handle your money, not a Negro. Shrewd race of people. Very shrewd.

Justice. Department of Justice. Sometimes called the DOJ. In the cabinet. Sessions not doing a good job. Should fire Mueller. I could if I wanted to. Justice Department has so many Democrats. Out to get me. Disband the FBI. Awful what they are doing. Investigate Hillary and Russia collusion.

Justin Kennedy. Great guy. His father is on the supremist court. His father just resigned so I can appoint another justice. Fantastic. Met Justin many, many years ago at Deutsche Bank where he loaned me over $1,000,000,000. US banks wouldn’t do it. Would not lend me any money. Justin did it. Now, they fined Deutsche Bank for money laundering. HOAX. Made up story. I love Justin. Love his father. Two great guys. (see reference below)

KKK. Patriotic group. Want to make America great again. Many fine people in the KKK. Want to stop inter breeding with other kinds of people. Given a bad rap. Fine citizens. States rights.

Kanada. Northern border. They are ripping us off in trade. Have been for 300 years. Terrible trade deal. Obama signed it. AWFUL. Kanada will have to pay. No health care in Kanada. Awful place.  May build a second wall along the Kanada border. Make Mexico pay for it.

Kim Jong Un.  Fox interview.

When Baier pointed out Kim’s regime imprisons, tortures and kills his own people, Trump replied, “Yeah, but so have other people done some really bad things. I could go through a lot of nations where a lot of bad things were done.”

And Friday, the president told Fox & Friends, “He’s the head of a country — and I mean he’s the strong head. He speaks and his people sit up in attention. I want my people to do the same.”

Konstantin Kilimnik. Great guy. Manafort’s handler. Very smart cookie. Good friend. Some say he is a Russian spy. Not true. Fake news. No Russia ties . Never heard of him. Also never heard of Manafort. (see reference below).

Korea, North. Tweet: “There is no longer a Nuclear Threat from North Korea.”

Kremlin. Fantastic building. In Russia. Putin lives there. Better than the White House. No interference in our elections . Asked Putin, he said he never interfered. Fake news. Kremlin has a lot of bricks. Very tall. Like a wall. Can’t get inside.

https://newrepublic.com/minutes/149496/trumps-relationship-justice-kennedy-sounds-shady-new-report

Mueller Finally Unmasked the Trump Campaign’s Secret Russian Operative

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Trump dictionary…I is for

I. I . Best word in the English language. I am the best president ever. I don’t say that, but other people say that about I. I have done more than FDR, Lincoln and Reagan all in one year, that’s what they say about I. I don’t say that. Nobel Prize for I. I don’t say that. Other people say that about I. I. I .I.

Illegal. Mexican rapists. Salvadoran rapists. M16 gang members. Some are very young. Like 3 months old. Almost babies. Sad. They start raping at such a young age. Very sad. Not all. Just most. Some say Melanie is illegal. FALSE. She was a model. She did not come across the mountains from Mexico. She used to be a real knock out. Like Ivanka.

Immigration. Awful stuff. Terrible. Who are these people coming into my country. I was never an immigrant. No one in my family was ever an immigrant. I would send them all back. Back to Africa.

Immoral. Never heard that word. Fake word.

Investigation. Fake investigation. Spygate. Wait. Spygate is real. Mueller is fake. No indictments. No collusion.  All investigations are fake. Never should happen. Let’s investigate Hillary ! Lock her up.

Iran. Terrible country. Worst country on earth. No more nuclear deals with Iran. Many muslims in Iran.

Ireland. Fantastic country. They just banned all abortions. Fantastic job. Beautiful people. Many Irish in Ireland. Blarney Stone. Great stone. Very famous stone.

Israel. Fantastic country. Moved the embassy to Jerusalem. People said it couldn’t be done. I did it. Record time. Fantastic. Many Jews in Israel. Some people say Israel started as a Jewish nation. I don’t know. Time will tell.

Ivanka. WOW. What a beauty. If she wasn’t my daughter. Believe me. She is hot, hot , hot. Lucky Jared. Also very brilliant. She is amazing. See how she dresses? Very classy dresser. The best. WOW. That’s what people say.

(Feel free to add your own)

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New Year Predictions 2018

This is the time of year when we think about the new year and what it will bring.  My new year predictions for 2018. While a couple might be a little off, I remain confident that my overall predictions will hold true.

The Cleveland Browns football team will be allowed to leave the NFL and play against selected college teams. While they do not fair well against Southeastern Virginia Disability Institute and the Outer Waco Texas Girls Ballet School the season is not a total loss. They will end up with a 1-11 record, having eked out a 3-0 victory over the Northern Idaho School for the Blind.

Robert Mueller’s third cousin on his mother’s side, 12 year old Cynthia Woggles,  will be investigated by a Congressional Committee headed by Trent Gowdy. The investigation, which will cost $ 7,000,000 and the calling of 98 witnesses, all of whom are commentators on Fox and Friends, will discover that Woggles  voted for Hillary Clinton in her 6th grade mock election in 2016.  (Not to be confused with the national mock election held the same year) Mr Trump will use this evidence of bias to fire the Republican Mueller. In  his place Mr Trump will appoint Roy Moore to take over the investigation. Moore immediatley calls Woggles for a play date.

Major League baseball will announce that after a study of fan injuries at 6 ballparks they have discovers 14 fans who had died during the game. At first the cause of the deaths was a mystery, since none of these fans were hit by foul balls or bats. Medical examiners confirm that these deaths can be attributed to a cerebral shutdown of the inner brain, caused by intense boredom.

The US will recognize the following new capitals. Scotland. Former capital: Edinburgh. New capital: Trump International Golf Links.  China. Former capital: Beijing, Forbidden City. New capital: Shanghai, Ivanka Shoe Factory.  Iran. Former capital: Tehran. New capital: Jersusalem.  USA. Former capital: Washington, DC. New capital: Mar-A-Lago, Florida. Congress passes a law concuring.

FEMA will announce, sometime in June, that they have devised a plan to bring power back to Puerto Rico. Puerto Rico has not had full electric power resumed since Hurricane Maria in September, 2017. Despite the fact that the FEMA response was the “best response ever” to a catastrophe (a close second being the FEMA response to Hurricane Katrina in New Orleans) . The new plan calls for running an extension cord from Merida, Mexico to the island to bring power back on line to the millions of foreigners living in Puerto Rico.  As long as Mexico agrees to pay for the cord.

The 1st Annual Scott Pruitt “Global Warming is a Hoax” seminar takes place in a yacht named “The Golden Dollar” off the coast of Charleston, South Carolina in July. Guest speakers include climate experts Sean Hannity, Clint Eastwood’s empty chair and the entire Duck Dynasty family. The conference is cut short when a family of polar bears swims past searching for ice.

In the Vatican, Pope Francis is caught on mike saying that he thinks “this god stuff is a bunch of BS”. Nevertheless,  he speaks out against war, violence, disease, global warming and hatred. He calls on all government leaders of the world to join in peace and harmony. No one calls back.When asked what common people should do to solve these problems he answers: “I tell you, I’m all outta ideas. Reality sucks so you might as well pray to a fantasy. Gets ME through the day.”

The New England Patriots win the Super Bowl, 17-14, on February 4 in a thriller over the Philadelphia Eagles. The Eagles have 7 TDs called back by the replay officials in NY, who are nowhere near the actual location of the game in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Days later it is discovered that the league officials in NY had mistakenly been watching the replays of the Bournemouth vs. Stoke City English Premier League soccer match of February 3, in which no one scored. As usual.

Secretary of the Interior Ryan Zinke announces the closing of all National Parks, except for Mount Rushmore. All parks will be sold to the Koch Brothers at a deep discount and the proceeds, which are tax deductible, will be spent renovating Mount Rushmore. The faces of Teddy Roosevelt, George Washington , Thomas Jefferson and Abe Lincoln will be sandblasted away to make room for giant head of Donald Trump, surrounded by his three wives. The monument will be renamed: Best Monument Ever. Congress concurs.

On a strict liberal vs. conservative vote the Supreme Court approves Executive Order 5,678 on the topic of voting rights. Since the court had previously ruled , under Citizens United, that money equals speech, they extend that ruling to include voting. Under the new ruling “money equals voting”, as well. Based on the principle of “one dollar equals one vote” the 2018 election will be determined by a new voting method. Every citizen must bring in their tax returns to show their gross income from wages and investments. Each dollar will count as one vote.

North Korean leader, professional golfer and all around bozo Kim Jung Un  announces a new building plan. He has signed an agreement with Trump University to open up a “Kim-Donald School For Learning Stuff” in Pyongyang. The school will focus on business related seminars including: How to Get Stuff  For Free; 12 Ways to Evict “Those People”; Tax Evasion 101: Avoiding Those Nasty Import Fees; and, Bankruptcy, The Real Estate Developers Best Friend. Eric Trump attends the ribbon cutting ceremony which is a disaster as none of the Korean made scissors are sharp enough to cut the paper ribbon. Eric calls the “Kim-Donald “school  the “best university ever” and announces at the same time that the US will begin selling nuclear technology to Kim as a gesture of good will.

Finally. Congress votes itself a 50% pay raise for a “job well done”. The legislative branch passed a total of three bills. They were: 1. “The Amazing Trump is the Best President Ever” bill awarding the Trump Medal of MAGA to the best person in America. This year’s recipient? Donald Trump. 2. “The FBI Traitor” law. Which labels all members of the FBI, former and current, official “enemies of the people” and subject to immediate permanent detention and prosecution for doing “bad stuff”. Mueller is the first to be perp walked. 3. “Congressional Vacation Act” which allows Congress to take a vacation for a period including January 2 through December 30, with pay and expenses for fact finding travel.  Mr Trump signed all three bills and praised Congress for their services… which will no longer be necessary.

 

 

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Contestant #4: Rubio…Less Than Meets the Eye.

(This is the fourth in a series of biased reports about the people who think they are qualified to be president. Really. They do. They think they should be the most powerful human being on earth. Really.)

I somehow missed it. On April 13 Marco Rubio evidently announced that he wanted to be President of the US. I missed it.

I had a little trouble finding his campaign website but I finally did. (marcorubio.com).

In announcing his candidacy he emphasized that he was a break with the old way of politics . A new beginning. A new way. Oh, I almost forgot. He announced his candidacy to his wealthy donors before he told the rest of us. A new way?

I checked his Senate website looking for specific legislation he has sponsored and/or passed. None mentioned. (rubio.senate.gov)

His campaign website has 5 issues. Each has a nice picture and the usual Obama-is-bad statements. I think someone should tell Marco that Obama will not be running again.

His 5 issues: Isis, Cuba, Iran, Abortion,Israel.

Nothing on health care. Nothing on unemployment.  Nothing on job creation. Nothing on immigration. Nothing on gun violence. To look at his website you would think he is running for Secretary of State….hmmm.

On ISIS he says we should kill them. He says we cannot “ignore” the problem. Yet, he has proposed no legislation authorizing the POTUS to do so. He does sit on the foreign relations committee, so he could write a bill.  But killing ISIS is a good idea. Obama should have thought of that.

On Cuba he says that Cuba is an exporter of terror and we should not have relations with dictatorships. Isolate dictatorships. An interesting principle. But he makes no comments about our China policy. He wants to keep Cuba isolated because it is a “communist” dictatorship. Maybe China is a nice communist dictatorship?  Did I mention he rejects the policies of the past and looks to the future?

On Iran he says we should isolate them as well. We should do what Netanyahu tells us to do. Does Rubio really think that the US can unilaterally decide world arms policies? And why should we look to Israel to determine our foreign policy?

On Israel he is clear. Obama  (there he is again) has “failed to stand with Israel”. But a quick check of military aid to Israel shows that under Obama the US has given much more aid than under Bush. More, in fact, than any other administration. Giving more aid and making it clear that we will support Israel in any attack is somehow “failing to stand” with Israel?  (http://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/jsource/US-Israel/U.S._Assistance_to_Israel1.html)

The only domestic issue he chooses to include on his website deals with abortion. He is unequivocal. Roe v Wade, which guarantees a woman the right to an abortion, is “morally wrong” and should be overturned. He does not elaborate .

In some of his speeches Rubio has called for more tax breaks to create jobs. (Reaganomics) He has denied the science of climate change. Wants to go back to a time when all abortions were illegal. He was for immigration reform or not. Opposes any gun restrictions. Wants to isolate Cuba. Did I mention that he wants to look to the future and rejects the policies of the past?

His main claim seems to be that he is young. He emphasizes his youth as though it is somehow a qualification in and of itself.

In the political boxing ring Rubio is not a lightweight. He is a featherweight. Old wine in new skins. A blast from the past.

Much, much less than meets the eye.

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Gaydar Sale… Finally A way to Know For Sure

Hi. This is Ron Popeil for Ronco. The makers of the Ronco Potato Peeler and Car Sponge. Here to help you once again with a household problem. Now that Indiana has become the 21st state to make Gay hate legal there is a real need for discovering who really is gay. Can you tell by the way they walk? Sometimes. Can you tell by the way they talk ? Maybe. But in today’s world so many gays look and talk and act like normal people…how can you REALLY know.

If your restaurant does not want to serve gays, how can you be sure that burly muscle man is not a secret gay?? He may not be lisping, but is he eyeing your manhood from behind those bifocals? And how can you know if that “birthday cake” you are baking for that 5 year old might be going to house where her lesbian aunt might show up and have a slice ? Well, you don’t know. And you didn’t bake that cake for gay taste buds to enjoy !
Gone are the days in Germany where gays were forced too wear pink triangles. And Jews had to wear the Star of David. Life was simpler then. The good old days.
But Ronco solves your gay problems. With the new Ronco Gaydar. The Gaydar exposes gays, even those not out of the closet. For only $ 19.95 (plus a small shipping and handling fee) Gaydar takes the worry out of bigotry. Never again have a doubt about that customer. Or strange “Uncle John”. Gaydar takes the worry out of homo identification. Be sure too bring it to “Meet the Teacher Night” at school.

How does Gaydar work? Sorry, I can’t reveal the impressive technology. But here’s all you need to do. Point your Gaydar pistol (Yes, it is shaped like a German Lugar so no one will even know it is a Gaydar) at any person and pull the trigger. Gaydar shoots out a specially developed “gay-detecting formula” that registers on your Gay detector. Just check the Rainbow Detector. The farther to the left, the gayer the guy…or gal. Easy to use. Even a child cn use it. Let the little ones start early!

But does Gaydar really work? Some very famous people seem to think so.

Michelle Bachmann says “WOW, what a surprise. Just for fun I pointed the Gaydar at my hubby. WHOA. I sure never would have guessed.”
Adolf Eichmann the third (grandson of Adolf Eichmann) says “” Grandpa would have loved this . It would have made is life’s work so much easier. He would have killed for a machine like this”
Ted Cruz says” I took it to the Senate. Just as I figured on the liberal side of the aisle. A perfect score. Tested everyone but Lindsey Graham. He disappeared.”
Ben Carson: “As a highly educated doctor I can tell you that this device really works. I went inside the State Penitentiary during visiting hours and WHAMMO. This baby went off like fireworks on the 4th of July. Even some of the guards were “infected.”

Don’t wait. Don’t let “those people” into your public accommodation. Only $19.95 (plus shipping and handling) and you and your family can be gay-proofed forever.

But there’s MORE. Act now and Ronco will throw in JEWDAR absolutely free. Works just like Gaydar but for Jews. Instead of a Rainbow dial the Jewdar has a Star of David that lights up like a Hanukkah candle any time a Jew is detected. Tested at the Wailing Wall. It WORKS! I know. You are thinking. JEWS. Aren’t they all lawyers? Won’t they sue me? NO. Remember, the religious freedom laws do not demand that you justify your bigotry by belonging to any organized religion. You can just be a stand up, stand alone bigot and the law protects you. The law says you don’t even have to practice any religion at all !

That’s right. Gaydar and Jewdar BOTH for only $ 19.95. But wait. There’s more ! Order now and you will get Gaydar, Junior. Just for kids. This handy little Gaydar miniature gun will allow your child to tell which of his classmates has gay tendencies. A lot of power in a tiny package. Start your loved one early in detecting deviants. Feel secure that none of “those kinds” of kids are accidentally invited to junior’s birthday party.

That’s Gaydar, Jewdar and Gaydar,Junior. All for only $ 19.95. But wait, there’s MORE. Yes, the first 100 callers will also get ObamaDar.

Is that guy REALLY white or is he “passing”? Is that a good tan she worked on or was her grandmother’s mother a darky ? Not sure whether or not your child’s classmate is a “mix” of races, part Negro? ObamaDar will give you the answer. Comes with an easy to read Black or White dial. No shades of gray on this dial ! Act now. Call 1800-BIGOTRY.

Only available by phone or at a Bigots-R-US near you. Gaydar. Don’t take a shower in a public place without it!

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Bibi and Obamacare

The GOP has bypassed traditional protocol and allowed Bibi Netanyahu to make a political speech before Congress. Now one wonders what Boehner and company will do next. Perhaps they need to ask Bibi some tough questions while he is here. But don’t count on it. It’s a veritable love fest of anti-Iranian propaganda.

But, if the GOP was not so crassly cynical in it’s approach to politics,  they might consider the following.

Since WW2 the US has given more aid to Israel than to any other nation… over $121,000,000,000.

And we are in the middle of a long term deal which gives Israel at least $3,000,000,000 each year…ad infinitum. Of course, much of that aid goes to the US arms industry.

Oddly, while Bibi was here, no one in the GOP threatened to cut off funding. Let us recall that the GOP has attempted at least 57 times  to cut off funding to Americans who now have health care. On principle. The principle being that health care guaranteed by the government is communism. Evil. According to the GOP it is more important to stick to the principle than to actually help our own citizens.

Back to Bibi. While Congress continues to fund Israel (while trying to defund US unemployment benefits, education, SSI disability, etc.) they are oddly silent about the Israeli COMMUNIST system.

You see,  Israeli citizens have  a GUARANTEED health care system. By law, every citizen must participate in the system and employers are required to participate. COMMUNISM run amok. An Israeli citizen is entitled to health care, free of any pre-existing conditions and even free hospitalization.

While not perfect the Israeli health care system is certainly “communist” according to the criteria governing current GOP political thought.

Since a national health care system is inherently evil, why does Congress continue to support Israel? After all, by providing $ 3,000,000,000 per year aren’t we helping to subsidize this communist program. Why , after voting over 57 times and shutting down the US government to oppose the ACA is Congress blind to the  socialist/communist system imposed by Bibi on innocent Israeli citizens?

If the GOP was anything other than a bunch of hypocrites here is what they would do. Demand a cut off of all aid to Israel until the Israelis cancel their current socialized health care system and go to a “free market” model.  Think that is likely to happen ? At least not before they vote for the 58th time to end Obamacare?

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