Farewell Address, 2021

Many presidents give a farewell address when they leave office. Washington warned about entangling alliances for the young, weak republic. Eisenhower warned about the military-industrial complex, whose power we see flexed daily. Clinton outlined his accomplishments and called for national unity.

Some of Mr Trump’s advisors have been encouraging him to follow suit. He should speak to the American people about his accomplishments and thoughts about the future.

One of the last members of the administration still working at the White House happens to be a dear friend. He is the advisor to the keeper of the First Lady’s closet and information director for the chauffeur of Don Trump , Junior’s wife’s mother. (A lot of vacancies at this time require multiple posts to be filled). He is also the top speech writer for Kelly Anne Conway, Sean Hannity, Bobo the Talking Chimp and President Trump. I know, it sounds redundant.

At any rate, he leaked the Trump “Final Address to the Nation by the Best President Ever and Ever Will Be. Maybe the Final, Maybe Not.””

Here goes:

My fellow Americans, 4 years ago I promised to rid this government of experts, intelligent advisors, men and women of character and decency. And I succeeded. MAGA.

My accomplishments, which are the best accomplishments ever in the history of the world are amazing. That’s not what I say. That’s what people say. Many fine people. So many people say that. So many.

I have transformed this country from one where decency and honest disagreements can be fought on the battle ground of ideas, to one where real patriots fight on the steps of the Capitol. I won. I won. I won.

My followers have shown us what America CAN be if we follow my path. From the torch lit nights in Charlottesville filled with many fine people, to the patriots who beat to death the police officer in the Capitol. From the knee on the neck of George Floyd to the cages used to house children ripped from their parents arms. Brown children. We are now living in MY America. I love em all. Give em hell.

But enough about me. Let me talk about my accomplishments over the last 4 years.

I have packed the court with radical judges that will, for generations to come, repress the liberty of women and the communists. No president has ever made so many judges. I don’t know many of them. But Mitch handed me a list and I did my duty. I did what I was told and how does he repay me!

I promised to build a wall to keep out the brown skinned Mexicans and others. I built over 400 miles. Well, I built 40 new miles, the other 360 miles was substituting new wall for barricades that already existed. And Mexico is paying for it. I promise. We are paying these wonderful contractors now, but eventually Mexico will pay. They will. Eventually. Just like I promised.

I hired the best cabinet ever. With no regard for expertise, training or capability, I assembled a cabinet full of sycophants, liars, grifters and clowns never seen before in America. A millionaire Education secretary that knew nothing about education. Some Chinese woman married to Mitch who knew nothing about transportation. Some black guy who used to be a doctor, I put him in charge of Housing for the Negroes. (That’s why the Negroes love me). And a few of my appointees still have NOT been indicted for grifting . The BEST people. MAGA

I became good friends with Kim Jung Un and now he has promised to end his nuclear program. I love that little guy. He just added some nukes on submarines and is developing short range missiles that can hit targets in South Korea. And long range ones to target the USA. But he promised not to use them. A victory for me. Anyway, that’s Biden’s problem.

I took us out of the Climate Change Agreements and Iran nuclear deal. A couple hoaxes . Now, the evil Iranians are developing new nuclear capabilities, just as I predicted. And there is no climate change, it’s still winter in some places. I don’t see any polar bears in Florida, do you? Duh. Two more victories for me.

Now, about the economy. In my first 3 years, BEFORE the Chinese virus, my massive tax breaks to the wealthy created almost as many jobs as the Negro did in his last three years. Almost. And I leave you with the highest unemployment data since the Great Depression !! The so-called experts said it couldn’t be done, but I am the first president in modern times to leave office with fewer Americans employed than when he took office ! MAGA

I told you that fake pandemic would disappear and it has. Almost 400,000 dead Americans, and with each death another virus dies. That’s how you kill a virus. Plus, I had the virus and now it is gone! So, what’s the problem? The Chinese virus was just an attempt to make me look bad. It has disappeared from all my speeches and comments. Where is it? Where did it go? Who knows? Can’t find it.

As in regard to my good friend, Vlad Putin. We had many great meetings. People said they were the best meetings ever. Imagine that? The best ever. No one gives Vlad better meetings than me. No one. Even the Politiburo said so. I wish I could share with you the notes for those meetings. But they got lost.

So, as I leave the White House as the first president elected TWICE in a landslide I leave you with this thought. In 1923 a patriot in Bavaria named Adolph led a mob and tried to violently overthrow the government. He failed. He went to prison but was quickly pardoned. 10 years later he became the chancellor of the German republic.

So take heart. Anything is possible in politics. And keep those torches burning, it ain’t over by a long shot. MAGA

The 3/5 Solution

Once again we see the shock and horror that a black man has been murdered in broad daylight by someone legally hired and empowered by the state. YAWN.

Once again we hear the calls for peace and tranquility. Calls for “law and order”. Calls for patience . The questioning of “How did we come to this?” YAWN

The US did not “come to this”. This is who we are. As a nation. Our holy and worshiped founding fathers made it clear in the Constitution. Black men and women are 3/5th of a person. It was true then, it is true now.

Article 1, section 2 … Representatives and direct Taxes shall be apportioned among the several States which may be included within this Union, according to their respective Numbers, which shall be determined by adding to the whole Number of free Persons, including those bound to Service for a Term of Years, and excluding Indians not taxed, three fifths of all other Persons. 

Of course “all other persons” were the slaves. So the southern states could claim the black men, women and children were property. And then claim that those very same men , women and children must be counted as 3/5 of a person for purposes of representation in the House of Representatives.

So, at the outset of the Civil War almost 4,000,000 slaves added 2,400,000 “persons” to the total population of the slave states. Giving the slave states representation in Congress far beyond the actual number of “citizens”.

From day one black people in the United States have been considered less than “full” people. And that is the bare truth of the foundations of this nation. Like it or not.

So, when the KKK brutalized black Americans after the racists lost the Civil War, it should come as no surprise. And when Jim Crow kept blacks from getting uppity in the south, that should come as no surprise. And when black soldiers returning from WW2 were refused service at restaurants and denied the right to vote, that should come as no surprise.

What should be surprising is the strength of the myth. The myth that the US was founded on principles of freedom, democracy, blah,blah,blah. That has never been and never was the reality. It was and is “fake news”.

Now, you may say, but what about the Voting Rights Act and other Civil Rights acts? Don’t they show progress? To that I respond thusly.

If the US was founded and grew on principles of equality, why was there a need for a Voting Rights Act? Or special Civil Rights acts? Why did we need special laws for black men and women just to try to give them the same rights the rest of society enjoys? In the “land of the free” why was it necessary to write special laws giving “freedom” to citizens who should have already had it?

And, as we have seen, the Supreme Court has overturned even those laws. Since the Voting Rights Act was rescinded how many states immediately took steps to suppress and deny votes to black citizens? How many blacks were purged illegally from the voting rolls in Florida in 2000, giving the election to GW Bush? How many were purged in North Carolina and Georgia in 2016?

But the myth lives on. It is a nice myth. A comfortable myth. A myth that tries to place the suppression and murder of black Americans in a certain context. That context is this: The murder and suppression of blacks in the US is an aberration. A blip on the screen of democracy. A pimple on the otherwise perfect face of equality.

I disagree. Racism has been at the core of the American experience. The very core of the legal system. It is as old as the US Constitution and may never be erased. Racism is as American as violence. Both go hand in hand.

It is not just the south. In the north as well racism is a core value. Highways were built around cities effectively cutting off black neighborhoods from white ones. The attempt at segregation was halted by the practices of the banking industry. Schools in NY, for example, are among the most highly segregated in the nation.

So, let’s stop pretending. The 3/5 solution is still with us. Black men and women are not valued unless they can sing or bounce a basketball. Racism is not a southern phenomenon or an aberration. It is what America was founded on.

Is there a “solution”? There can be no solution when those in power do not see a problem. Or identify the problem as a “black” problem. Just another example of “uppity” Negroes not knowing their place. It has always been thus in America and I suspect may always be so.

I know if I were a black person in America I would go nowhere without being armed. I would suspect every police officer of being a potential killer. I would shoot first and ask questions later. I would know, not just claim, that my life is in danger every day. In fact, I remain amazed at the patience and willingness of most black Americans to work “within the system” when the system is so obviously corrupt. I would not have that patience.

Is there a “solution’? Not until we confront and destroy the myth. The myth of the “founding fathers” and the myth of “democracy” and the myth of “equal justice under the law”.

People die easy. A bullet . A knee to the neck. A chokehold. Myths are not so easy to kill. The 3/5 solution is on display every day.

Business as Usual, the Death Penalty

Business as usual, part 1.

A black guy in Minnesota is suspected of passing a counterfeit $20 bill. Did he do it? Who knows? Did he KNOWINGLY pass a bad bill? Who knows?At any rate he was tracked down and arrested. Handcuffed. Unarmed. Did not resist arrest. Walked off quietly with cops to their patrol car. Was placed on the ground, handcuffed and helpless and murdered. A man put his knee with full body weight on his neck as he plead for his life. Four cops watch him die. Business as usual.

A black kid is walking home in his own neighborhood in Florida. Eating his Skittles. Unarmed. Minding his own business. A guy follows him. A guy stalks him. The guy who is following him feels his life is in danger . So he continues to follow him. They clash. The unarmed black kid is shot to death. The jury acquits. Business as usual.

A black man on the East coast is selling cigarettes. Illegal. You can’t sell cigarettes on the street. The police come to get him. Drag him to the ground. Choke him. He pleads for his life. They kill him. They watch him die. Business as usual.

A little black boy in Cleveland is playing in the park outside his home. He is playing cops and robbers. He has a toy gun. The police pull up in a car. Start shooting. Kill him. His sister tries to get to him to comfort him. The police keep her away. They stand around and watch him bleed to death. Business as usual.

A black man is jogging on a public street in Georgia. He is hunted down by 3 white men and shot to death. The local police and district attorney find no reason to charge these men with a crime. He might have been a criminal. Maybe. Business as usual.

The murder of black citizens is not surprising. It is business as usual.

Business as usual, part 2. Imagine this. I bet you can’t.

A white woman is suspected of passing a bad $20 bill. The police arrest her and kneel on her neck. Killing her.

A white kid is walking in his own neighborhood. A black man feels threatened so he kills him. The black man is acquitted by the jury.

A white man is selling cigarettes illegally. Four black policemen drag him to the ground and choke him to death.

A little white boy is playing cops and robbers in the park near his home. A police car with a black cop pulls up and shoots the boy, killing him.

A white woman is jogging down the street. Three black men think she is a possible burglar. They kill her.

Can you imagine? The death penalty.

Passing a $20 bill. Walking in your own neighborhood. Selling cigarettes. Playing in your park. Jogging.

If you are black, those activities will get you the death penalty. Business as usual.

I Could Keep You Safe

Not guilty.

Advice To My Black Son

Since today is Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day I thought it would be appropriate to give some advice to my black son. Advice on how to live a long life in a hostile nation.

Problem is I don’t have a black son. Both my son and daughter are white. As is my wife. And we have a long history of ancestors who were also white. Quite a coincidence. Being white, there was never the necessity of having this little talk with him or her. But I digress.

To my black son or grandson. First, I will make some assumptions about you, most of which are not true.

You live in poverty (actually 73% of African Americans do not live in poverty, but the percentage IS higher for children and young adults)  http://kff.org/other/state-indicator/poverty-rate-by-raceethnicity/

Your parents do not own their own home (55% do not, but 45% do).    http://www.infoplease.com/ipa/A0883976.html

You will be  arrested for a violent crime this year . (about 1/2 of 1% of black youths will be arrested for a violent offense, so 99.5% of black youths will NOT be arrested for a violent crime)    http://www.ojjdp.gov/ojstatbb/crime/JAR_Display.asp?ID=qa05261

You are most likely a high school “drop out” . (The drop out rate for African American males is approximately 7%, so 93% are NOT drop outs)    http://nces.ed.gov/fastfacts/display.asp?id=16

Enough of statistics. And stereotypes. I want you to live a long and happy life. Keep in mind the following.

First of all you  have rights. The right to free speech. To drive. To assembly. To individuality. To be young. And to be stupid at times. To walk down the street. To carry a gun in some states. To use a cell phone.

My Rules for my black son. Listen carefully:

1. Take that last paragraph about your rights and forget it. Assume , instead, that you have no rights. Accept reality. Act like you have no rights. You will live longer.

2.If the police stop you in your car or walking be respectful. Don’t argue. Be polite. “Yes, officer. No,officer”. If you see the cops driving around in your neighborhood wave and smile.

3.Sew your pockets shut. So you cannot possibly reach inside them. Don’t carry a cell phone. Or comb. Or knife. Or anything.

4.Don’t be out after dark. If you are a friend’s house, call home and tell ma and pa that you are sleeping over. Do the same for your friends when they are visiting you at night. Don’t be out after dark.

5.Don’t go to places where you know drug dealers hang out. If drug dealers show up where you are hanging out, go home. Now.

6.If you are arrested for some reason say nothing. Nothing. If you are put in a cell do not talk to your cellmate. Be polite and ask for a lawyer. Say nothing.

7.Don’t wear bling. Don’t wear a hoodie. Don’t wear your cap backwards. Don’t argue with anyone about anything. Swallow your pride. Often. Regularly.

8.Act like you are a Jew in Nazi Germany. Pretend you are a foreigner with no rights.

Should you have to follow these rules? No. But in reality these rules will give you  a much better chance of making it to adulthood than the Bill of Rights. Or the Voting Rights Act. Or any other legal protections. Sorry, my black son, but that is reality.

As MLK, Jr hoped, someday you WILL be judged by the content of your character and not by the color of your skin. But January 18, 2016 in America is not yet that day.

 

 

 

The NRA: Al-Qaeda’s Best Friend

(Somewhere in the deepest caves in Afghanistan a meeting of the Al-Qaeda leadership is taking place.)

Mustafa Waynoofa La Pierre: Allah Be Praised. Where are the corn chips? Ah. Good. Welcome to the first meeting of the Al-Qaeda chapter of the National Rifle Association.  Although our funds are running low we feel the $35 membership is well worth the cost.  Not only do we get insurance if any of our guns are stolen, but we also get a free subscription to “American Hunter”. I think it is a guide to hunting Americans. Questions?

Mohammed bin O’Reilly: Why are we joining this American organization? Allah Be Praised. Is it not an organization of loyal Americans?

MustafaWaynoofa La Pierre : I know it seems strange. Allah and AK-47s Be Praised. But our accountants have done a cost-benefit analysis and we decided this was the best bang for the buck, so to speak.

Abdullah Zimmerman:  Explain that. Our goal is to kill Americans. Not protect them. We lured them to Iraq and Afghanistan to kill them. And it worked. Allah and George Bush Be Praised.

John Wilkes Boothafa: And we spent so much time planning 9/11. Look how many we killed. Allah and Cheney Be Praised. Now you are saying we should join the Americans! Never.

Mustafa Waynoofa La Pierre: Hear me out. Joining the NRA is the easiest, cheapest way to kill Americans. And isn’t that out goal? Allah and Fox News Be Praised.  In Iraq and Afghanistan we have killed fewer than 7,000 Americans! And it has taken us 13 years ! Fewer than 3,000 in the attacks on 9/11. We thought that was good. HAH!

Many shouting in the room: Praise Allah. Kill the infidels! Allah Be Praised.

Mustafa Waynoofa La Pierre: Wait ! Wait ! During that same period in the US Americans with guns killed over 420,000 Americans. That is more than all Americans  killed in all the wars since WW2. Allah and the NRA Be Praised. In fact, more Americans have been killed by guns since 9/11 than ALL Americans killed in WW2 by the Germans and Japanese combined. Allah and La Pierre Be Praised !

Abdullah James Earl Rayoofa: This is embarrassing. You mean we spent all this time and money and energy and sacrifice trying to kill Americans and we have this result?

Mustafa Waynoofa La Pierre: We have been fools. Allah and Smith and Wesson Be Praised. Instead of wasting our time and energy on plots to destroy Americans we could have simply joined and supported the NRA. They do a much better job a killing Americans than we could ever dream of.  They make sure every hateful, mentally ill American can get a gun. Not to mention children . There is a special place in paradise for Wayne La Pierre. He will certainly have many virgins…unless he shoots them first.

Muhammed bin Huckabee: So. What should we do? Allah and Cop Killer Bullets Be Praised.

Mustafa Waynoofa La Pierre: Easy. Just fill in the form. Include your VISA card number and join. You will get a free magazine, insurance for your guns and the knowledge that you are helping stop  any sane laws to control guns in America. Think of all those American children that you are helping murder! And as a bonus, the NRA is the only organization that hates the American president more than we do! They will make sure American keep killing Americans.  When it comes to killing Americans, nobody does it better. They have a saying in the ungodly, Satan-worshiping USA. If you can’t beat em, join em. And when it comes to helping people  kill Americans, nobody beats the NRA.

NYC Police DON’T Kill a Black Guy

In one of the weirdest stories on the interweb this week we see the NYC police in action.

There is a fight on the uptown 6 subway and the conductor calls for help. Four cops, not in uniform , immediately respond. They subdue both of the apparently homeless black guys who are fighting. Since the cops are not carrying weapons they have to use their BARE hands. But they get the job done.

No choke holds. No tazers. No guns drawn and fired. Using only their wits and training they stop the fight and hold the men down until more help arrives.

While one of the combatants yells and screams the police CALMLY settle him down. The police keep their cool. Defusing the violent situation. One cop can be heard calming reassuring  a combatant as he holds the man in check and tries to calm him down. No punching. No choking. No threats. No slurs.

Police work, par excellence.

These NYC cops should be commended for their bravery and their ability to stop a violent situation with only their bare hands and wits. In fact, NYPD commissioner Bratton does just that. He says they have done a “great honor ” to  their police department and to their country. Shining examples of what police work can be! So, who are these men?

Samuel Kvarzell….Marcus Asburg…Eric Jansberger…Eric Nalsund……what ?….what ? …oops…

Slight correction.

These off duty cops were not NYPD.  Ummmm. They were actual tourists. Cops from Sweden. Cops that have evidently been trained to do high quality police work without drawing their weapons.

And the homeless black guys are still alive.

http://mashable.com/2015/04/24/swedish-cops-new-york-subway-fight/

http://nypost.com/2015/04/24/bratton-salutes-swedish-cops-for-subway-heroics/