Tag Archives: Al-Baghdadi

Conan Outed

Conan is a hero. No, not Conan the Barbarian, the former governor of California. I am talking about a real life hero, not a pretend tough guy  movie creation. Conan the dog. The dog that was injured in the attack on al-Baghdadi. Evidently Conan has participated more than 50 missions. A real workhorse… er..  work dog.

Like many veterans who risk their lives to protect the USA and the president, Conan is an immigrant. Or at least comes from an immigrant heritage. He is , by ethnic group, Belgian. He comes from a lineage called “Belgian Malinois”. Looks like a German shepherd to me, but then a lot of these immigrants look alike. Especially the canine ones.

Things were going pretty good for old Conan before Trump opened his mouth. At the press gaggle Trump referred to Conan as “he”. A male dog. So, a reporter asked if he was a “good boy”. I guess any dog that would go into an ISIS enclave and sniff out terrorists would be considered a pretty good boy. So, that was that. Good boy. Good Conan.

But then, for some reason, not sure why,  the White House released a statement to reporters that Conan, was, in fact a “girl”. I think they meant that Conan was a female dog. OK. No big deal.Who cares? Really.  When I see a dog and ask the owner if I can pet it I usually refer to it as a “good boy” Sometimes the owner corrects me. OK.

Yesterday, taking our dogs, Teddy and Auggy,  for their annual shots I overheard a conversation between a couple of dog owners. This lady had a very small dog  (I thought it was a rat) . Another woman in the vets office asked the gender of the pooch. It was a male. Too bad, the questioner said. She had some leftover clothes from her own small female dog, but they were pink. So, of course, this male dog would not be interested. Really. I heard this conversation. Honest. What male dog would wear pink? (We all know “What kind”, don’t we?)

Back to Conan.  The White House issued a statement saying Conan was a girl. But this contradicted Mr Trump’s earlier  assertions that Conan was a male dog. Oops. So, the White House issued another statement saying Conan, was, indeed a MALE. A real MAN. Or man-dog. Just like Trump said.

Then the Department of Defense got into the act. Taking time out from the usual boring stuff like wars, they issued a statement that Conan was a “female”. I mean, Conan is their dog, so they should know. But that statement contradicted what Mr Trump had said.

So, using the most sophisticated technology available, the Department of Defense “triple checked”. Again, setting aside lesser issues like terror attacks, espionage, war crimes, military buildups, etc., the US Special Operations Command (USSOCOM) issued a definitive statement. Not about a terror attack or military operation. About something much more important.  They said: Conan is a male dog. End of story.

Or is it?

My secret sources tell me something different. Evidently Conan has been canned. Fired. Eliminated. Given his walking papers. His dog tags have been taken away.  Why? Because Conan’s sexuality has been discovered. Conan has been outed. Which gives one paws… er… pause.

Conan, you see, is actually a transgender canine. Hence the confusion. On his initial application for service he described himself as a male. And provided the appropriate birth certificate from Belgian (Or was it the Belgian Congo??).  As Conan matured he (and his trainers) realized that Conan was actually a female dog trapped in a male’s body. A doggette. So, a friendly vet hired by the vets… that would be a veterinarian hired by veterans… performed the needed operation. Conan is now happily female. A transcanine.

Hence the confusion. Boy or girl? Male or female? Dog or cat? Man or mouse?

Bottom line. Conan, the foreigner who happens to be transgender got the job done. He,  (or she or it) did his (or her or its) duty as a loyal American. To serve and protect. To get the bad guys. Which is true of a lot of members of the US military. Transgender or not. They get the job done.

Isn’t that enough?

3 Comments

Filed under government, news, Politics, Society, Terror, Trump, United States