May 1st. May Day. A celebration of the working people of the world. A celebration of worker’s rights. Passing largely unnoticed. A peek into the future…Here is May Day, 2040.
Little Bobby and Little Suzie: Tell us a story Grandpa. A story.
Grandpa: Well. Today is May Day. So let me tell you about it. Once there was a time when unions and….
Bobby: (interrupting)..what’s a union?
Grandpa: A union was an organization of working people. They got together to try to get good wages and working conditions and things like that.
Suzie: But isn’t that illegal, Grandpa?
Grand: NOW it is. But then it wasn’t. You see in the Bill of Rights every person had the right to “free association”. That meant that he could form unions. So workers did just that. Back then it wasn’t illegal.
Bobby: But workers aren’t persons, Grandpa. I learned that in my “America is For Christians” History class.
Grandpa: That is true. But, once upon a time workers WERE considered to be persons. Then the Supreme Court said that corporations were persons. Then another Supreme Court said that ONLY corporations were persons. So that’s why workers are no longer persons.
Suzie: Grandpa. were YOU ever a person?
Grandpa: Oh yes. I was a person for a long time. And I worked as a union member until they were made illegal by President Rand Cruz. And I paid Social Security…
Bobby: Social what, Grandpa?
Grandpa: Social Security. It was a little bit of money you paid every paycheck and then when you retired you would get some money to live on. But that is all gone now. Many corpora..er..persons…had religious objections to paying any tax. So that ended.
Suzie: What’s “retired”?
Grandpa: Retirement? It used to be that when you were 55 or 60 or 65 you could quit working and just live on pensions and social security. back when people were persons.
Bobby: But grandpa you are almost 90 and you are still working. When will you retire?
Grandpa: No one retires any more, Bobby. It is bad for corporate investment. When they eliminated the minimum wage they eliminated retirement. BUT, in the good old days, people could relax a little as they got older. Those days are gone.
Bobby: But Grandpa, our history teacher told us that only lazy people retire and want money for working. Anyway, she said that only persons have rights, not people.
Grandpa: Well, Bobby, she is right that people are no longer persons under the law. The Supreme Court has ruled that there are only 3 categories of legal “persons”. No one else has any rights.
Suzie: What are the three categories, Grandpa?
Grandpa: Let me see if I remember. Who now has rights…Corporations, of course…and Born Again Christians…and the third…I remember now…fetuses and embryos. No one else has rights.
(Dad, Bobby and Suzie’s father enters.)
Dad: Okay kids, time to let Grandpa go to bed. He has a 10 hour shift tomorrow.
(Grandpa trudges off to his cot in the basement.)
Suzie: I like Grandpa’s stories.
Dad: Well, honey, remember Grandpa doesn’t always remember things correctly. He was what they used to call a “socialist”. He still thinks that people should be persons. He thinks that ppeople are more important than corporations. But he is old, so, we can humor him.
Bobby: Can we stay up late and watch the hologram?
Dad: Nope, You both need to study. I looked at your test schedule and there is a very important Science test tomorrow. You know what that means, don’t you?
Bobby and Suzie in unison: Memorize Leviticus.