Looks like the US Senate has finally agreed to throw aside partisan politics and solve some important issues. After years of mindless squabbling for partisan advantage, they have come together to deliver a victory to the American way of life.
Hunger? Latest estimates claim that 17,000,000 American children go hungry every day. Nope.
Gun violence? 20,726 gun deaths in 2021. Excluding thousands of suicides. Not today.
Health Insurance? In 2020, over 28,000,000 Americans did not have health insurance at some point during the year. Oops.
Voting rights? State after imposes new hurdles to stop black folks from casting a ballot. No big deal.
Nope. Those issues, while important to some, pale compared to the tough choices made by the Senate.
Time. What time is it? Time for a change. The issue bringing together Mark Rubio and Corey Booker is the issue of time. Is it 5 PM or 4 PM? Do we wake up at 5AM or 6AM? The greatest debating body in the world (as they like to call themselves) have finally decided to take to the floor and debate an issue of timeless importance.
Daylight Savings Time. How should we accept the challenge of time? Right now most Americans are forced to change there clocks twice a year. TWICE!! Outside of wearing a mask to prevent the spread of a deadly virus, can you think of a greater infringement on freedom? The outrage! The unmitigated gall !!
So. Led by the staunchest defender of the rights of men (not women) the Senate UNANIMOUSLY passed a law making time permanent. Little Marco Rubio charged forth and spoke about the tremendous benefits of DST. From his speech…..
““The benefits of Daylight Saving Time have also been accounted for in the research. For example, reduced crime as there’s light later in the day. We’ve seen decreases in child obesity. A decrease in seasonal depression that many feel during Standard Time. ……
“I’ve seen it with my own eyes. I’ve watched youth sporting events be called in the middle or near the end of the game, before it’s actually concluded, because there’s not enough lights. …”
The HORROR! Fat kids roaming around. Violence in the streets . Mental illness running rampant. (Nothing to do with poor quality school lunch programs or the easy availability of guns or lack of mental health facilities). These problems are all cause by STANDARD TIME!!! Marco has finally put to bed the myth that people may have problems because of poor government. Nope. It’s all about time.
All those kids who would prefer to be running around after school are instead forced to be in their basements on their computers because of standard time! If only we had known years ago we could have ended crime by simply setting the clocks up one hour!
I am reminded of a study that came out over 20 years ago suggesting that high schools should start later because kids need more sleep and don’t function well in the morning. My own faculty discussed it at the time and while a minority (me, of course) thought it made sense, the idea was quickly dumpstered by the administration. Not based on science. The reason was simple. If we started school and hour later it would cut into the after school sports programs. Education be damned, pass me the ball.
Of course, Little Marco was not alone in his excitement and vocalizations. Across the aisle members speechified about all the wonders of DST. Patty Murray, Dem of Washington state, pointed out that for one day the change over “disrupted” children’s sleeping patterns !! Disrupted sleeping patterns? Tell it to Ukrainian mothers.
And,of course, no debate would be complete without hearing from that proponent of freedom and fashion plate, Senator Sinema. You know, the one who opposes the voting rights of minorities and the Build Back Better bill. The female with the fashion flair . The conscience of white America. According to the NYTimes when the vote was passed, this senator was presiding over the chamber. She shouted “Yes!” and clenched her fists in VICTORY!! One small step for mother time…. one giant leap for …well, something.
So, the sun will rise and the sun will set. And the Senate has decided to decide to put a new number of that phenomenon. Perhaps someone should tell them that the laws of nature still decide the actual time of day. Or maybe not. Why not pass a law eliminating Mondays. We hate Mondays. Call Mondays something like “The Day Before Tuesday”. Sounds pretty good. OR.
Who knows, the Senate might decide to pass a law demanding that the Earth spin on its axis. Might even get Joe Manchin to go along. Maybe.