The Cruci”fiction” of Donald Trump

A Republican congressman made this statement during the debate on the impeachment of Donald Trump.

“Before you take this historic vote today, one week before Christmas, keep this in mind,” Loudermilk exclaimed. “When Jesus was falsely accused of treason, Pontius Pilate gave Jesus the opportunity to face his accusers.”

“During that sham trial, Pontius Pilate afforded more rights to Jesus than Democrats afforded this president in this process,” he concluded…..

https://www.thedailybeast.com/gop-rep-barry-loudermilk-compares-trump-to-jesus-says-pontius-pilate-was-fairer-than-democrats?ref=scroll

And so it goes. The finest man ever to don the robes of the presidency of the US has been impeached. Unfairly. Crucified. Beaten. Handed a crown of thorns. Just like Jesus.

Some may claim that the comparisons between Jesus and Trump are unfair. After all, the Christ guy never won the popular vote in an election. Other than that, the parallels in the lives of these two men…er, gods…is pretty telling.

Until recently we knew little about Jesus outside of the gospels, but a recent discovery of scrolls in a cave in Israel has shed more light on the life of the Chosen One. (I mean Jesus). The actual trial transcript of the trial of Jesus has now emerged.

The title of the document: The Roman Empire versus Jesu bin Joseph, AD 31. It is a blockbuster.

The transcript outlines how Jesus sent his lawyer, Matthew the younger, to Sumeria to dig up dirt on John the Baptist. In return, Jesus implied he would send some magic loaves and fishes to help the King of Sumeria deal with the famine. He was explicit, however, that there was no “quid pro quo”. (Since people back then spoke Latin they actually knew what what meant.)

Lawyer Matthew also paid off Mary Magdelane to keep her mouth shut about her “contacts” with the Chosen One. Twenty five silver coins and a jar of holy water, turned into a mild chablis. That did the trick.

At the trial Jesus refused to let any of his disciples testify. He invoked the highest executive privilege. He claimed that God the Father himself refused to allow any testimony. In fact, he claimed that God the Father Himself wrote a legal opinion that Jesus could not be indicted. Even if he used his slingshot and killed a Samaritan on the road to Jerusalem. Above the law.

Now, the prosecutors claimed that Jesus had defiled the temple by throwing out the money changers, a clear case of assault and battery. And obvious socialism. He worked on the Sabbath, which was against union rules. He turned water into wine and served it to minors. He even gave end of life care to Lazarus, and never left an invoice.

Worst of all, he gave out free food and free health care to the poor. And some of the poor were illegal immigrants from Egypt. Not even Roman citizens. Blue Cross/Blue Shield of Jerusalem was not happy. They were losing plenty of denarii on their prescription rider charges.

Since the transcript is incomplete we will never know how the trial turned out. But, I suspect with a jury foreman like Mitch McConnell it was an easy acquittal.

Like Jesus before him, let us hope that Mr Trump, the new son of the GOP gods, has the same fate as the first Jesus. If so, it would be a miracle.

Amen.

 

President Trump

Hello. I’m Donald Trump.

Here’s the deal. Vote for me. Lots of complicated problems. Lots of simple solutions. I will make America strong again. Put us on the right track. Get us back to what made us great in the old days. You want specifics? Here are specifics.

Illegal  immigration. Build a wall. Big wall. Keep out the Mexicans. Now I like the Mexican people. Some are rapists, sure. But that’s in the blood. Can’t blame em. I know some good Mexicans , too. My housekeeper Manuela. Good person. Never steals. Love Mexicans. Build a wall.

Whose gonna pay? The Mexicans will  pay. We’ll build a wall using American labor and make Mexico pay. That is what I’ll do. Simple. Build it. Make em pay.

Putin. Tough guy. I’m tougher. Russia is a wonderful country. Love the Russian people. A lot of my friends are Russian billionaires. They wear fur coats. Real fur. Not the pretend stuff. Real minks and foxes. I love foxes but to be honest they make one helluva coat. But you gotta get a lot of em. Two or three foxes, all you get is a stole.

So I say to Putin. Valerie, here’s the deal. You don’t fly your planes over the US. You don’t bomb our cities or BANG. It’s over. World War 3 . I don’t like war but you have to be tough. Can’t back down. Putin respects that. Russian problem solved.

The Jewish thing with the Arabs . What a mess. Jews want the land. Palestinians want the land. And it’s crappy land. No casinos. How do you solve it. You need a tough negotiator. I’m the man. I bring in the Arabs. I bring in the Jews. I sit em down at table. One of those long oak tables with the carvings on the legs. I’ll have it custom made by my Mexican carpenter. Great guy. I say “We’re gonna do this deal”. That’s  it. We’re gonna do it.

Now, I like the Jews. Tough negotiators. Good business sense. My uncle was a Jew. Wore that cap thingy. Me. Not a religious man but I tolerate Jews, Christians, Muslims, you name it. No prejudice. But you gotta be tough with the Jews. Give and take. I know how to do that. Crisis solved. Bingo. Treaty signed. It’s over. Next problem.

Gay marriage. Who cares.  Let the gays be gays. Love the gays. My hairdresser is gay. I think. I don’t know.  Never asked him. None of my business. That Kim Davis broad says she won’t marry gays. I say. You got a job.  You were hired to do a job. Kim Davis. You’re fired.

Don’t get me wrong. I like Obama. Great guy. White mother. Black father. But he is not tough enough. Let’s people walk over him. Shoulda fired that broad a long time ago. I meant woman. No disrespect. I love women. My wife is a woman. Always respect the ladies. That’s who I am. But if my wife doesn’t do her job. Bingo.  She’s still fired.

Health care. Everybody gets it. End of story. If you can afford it you pay. Hey.  I can afford it. I pay. If you can’t afford it you get it for free. This is America. Nobody should get sick. Like cancer. You want to cure cancer. Let’s do it. I say to my Secretary of Health or whatever. Let’s get on this cancer thing. Today. No more stalling around. Find the cause. Find the solution. Bang. Problem solved. That’s how I operate. Results. You want to get rid of cancer. Let’s do it.

Running mate? Sarah Palin. Beautiful person. Former governor. Great experience. Intelligent gal. Knows how to handle a rifle. Great family. I’m a family values person. I had a lot of families and I still value every one of them. Paid child support. Paid alimony. That’s life. Sarah Palin. What a role model for young girls. Beauty and brains all rolled into one package. From Alaska. Cold there. They ride those snowmobiles and wear orange parkas.  I prefer fur, but that’s life. Each to his own..

Benghazi. A lot of nonsense. People died. Terror attack. If I’m president you won’t see any terror attacks. Terrorists know I won’t tolerate it. Can’t happen. I don’t blame Hillary. She did her best. Love Hillary. Great lady. Would have made a great Secretary of State or something but not tough enough to be president. Came to my wedding. She had to. I donated to her foundation. Bingo. That’s how to get things done. You wash my back, I wash yours.

I go to the terrorist and tell em. What do you need. OK. A new mosque. Some new camels. Couscous. Whatever it is, you got it. Just no more terror attacks. That’s it. Message sent. Message received. You attack. No more camels. No more couscous. You decide. You got to know how to deal with these people.

Congress. Dysfunctional. Shut down the government. Can’t pass a law. When I am president Congress will work. No more vacations. I want a law. They pass it. They don’t pass it. They’re gone. Done. I lock the doors. I say “You’re Fired”. I hire a new Congress. Maybe some Mexicans (the good ones) and a few Jews. We get the job done.

So that’s it. There’s more but you get the idea. I’m tough. I get it done. It is simple.

I will make America great again. You gotta problem. We solve the problem. Problem solved. Vote for me.

Contestant #4: Rubio…Less Than Meets the Eye.

(This is the fourth in a series of biased reports about the people who think they are qualified to be president. Really. They do. They think they should be the most powerful human being on earth. Really.)

I somehow missed it. On April 13 Marco Rubio evidently announced that he wanted to be President of the US. I missed it.

I had a little trouble finding his campaign website but I finally did. (marcorubio.com).

In announcing his candidacy he emphasized that he was a break with the old way of politics . A new beginning. A new way. Oh, I almost forgot. He announced his candidacy to his wealthy donors before he told the rest of us. A new way?

I checked his Senate website looking for specific legislation he has sponsored and/or passed. None mentioned. (rubio.senate.gov)

His campaign website has 5 issues. Each has a nice picture and the usual Obama-is-bad statements. I think someone should tell Marco that Obama will not be running again.

His 5 issues: Isis, Cuba, Iran, Abortion,Israel.

Nothing on health care. Nothing on unemployment.  Nothing on job creation. Nothing on immigration. Nothing on gun violence. To look at his website you would think he is running for Secretary of State….hmmm.

On ISIS he says we should kill them. He says we cannot “ignore” the problem. Yet, he has proposed no legislation authorizing the POTUS to do so. He does sit on the foreign relations committee, so he could write a bill.  But killing ISIS is a good idea. Obama should have thought of that.

On Cuba he says that Cuba is an exporter of terror and we should not have relations with dictatorships. Isolate dictatorships. An interesting principle. But he makes no comments about our China policy. He wants to keep Cuba isolated because it is a “communist” dictatorship. Maybe China is a nice communist dictatorship?  Did I mention he rejects the policies of the past and looks to the future?

On Iran he says we should isolate them as well. We should do what Netanyahu tells us to do. Does Rubio really think that the US can unilaterally decide world arms policies? And why should we look to Israel to determine our foreign policy?

On Israel he is clear. Obama  (there he is again) has “failed to stand with Israel”. But a quick check of military aid to Israel shows that under Obama the US has given much more aid than under Bush. More, in fact, than any other administration. Giving more aid and making it clear that we will support Israel in any attack is somehow “failing to stand” with Israel?  (http://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/jsource/US-Israel/U.S._Assistance_to_Israel1.html)

The only domestic issue he chooses to include on his website deals with abortion. He is unequivocal. Roe v Wade, which guarantees a woman the right to an abortion, is “morally wrong” and should be overturned. He does not elaborate .

In some of his speeches Rubio has called for more tax breaks to create jobs. (Reaganomics) He has denied the science of climate change. Wants to go back to a time when all abortions were illegal. He was for immigration reform or not. Opposes any gun restrictions. Wants to isolate Cuba. Did I mention that he wants to look to the future and rejects the policies of the past?

His main claim seems to be that he is young. He emphasizes his youth as though it is somehow a qualification in and of itself.

In the political boxing ring Rubio is not a lightweight. He is a featherweight. Old wine in new skins. A blast from the past.

Much, much less than meets the eye.

Bibi and Obamacare

The GOP has bypassed traditional protocol and allowed Bibi Netanyahu to make a political speech before Congress. Now one wonders what Boehner and company will do next. Perhaps they need to ask Bibi some tough questions while he is here. But don’t count on it. It’s a veritable love fest of anti-Iranian propaganda.

But, if the GOP was not so crassly cynical in it’s approach to politics,  they might consider the following.

Since WW2 the US has given more aid to Israel than to any other nation… over $121,000,000,000.

And we are in the middle of a long term deal which gives Israel at least $3,000,000,000 each year…ad infinitum. Of course, much of that aid goes to the US arms industry.

Oddly, while Bibi was here, no one in the GOP threatened to cut off funding. Let us recall that the GOP has attempted at least 57 times  to cut off funding to Americans who now have health care. On principle. The principle being that health care guaranteed by the government is communism. Evil. According to the GOP it is more important to stick to the principle than to actually help our own citizens.

Back to Bibi. While Congress continues to fund Israel (while trying to defund US unemployment benefits, education, SSI disability, etc.) they are oddly silent about the Israeli COMMUNIST system.

You see,  Israeli citizens have  a GUARANTEED health care system. By law, every citizen must participate in the system and employers are required to participate. COMMUNISM run amok. An Israeli citizen is entitled to health care, free of any pre-existing conditions and even free hospitalization.

While not perfect the Israeli health care system is certainly “communist” according to the criteria governing current GOP political thought.

Since a national health care system is inherently evil, why does Congress continue to support Israel? After all, by providing $ 3,000,000,000 per year aren’t we helping to subsidize this communist program. Why , after voting over 57 times and shutting down the US government to oppose the ACA is Congress blind to the  socialist/communist system imposed by Bibi on innocent Israeli citizens?

If the GOP was anything other than a bunch of hypocrites here is what they would do. Demand a cut off of all aid to Israel until the Israelis cancel their current socialized health care system and go to a “free market” model.  Think that is likely to happen ? At least not before they vote for the 58th time to end Obamacare?