Tag Archives: Mueller

Prediction results

Last year at this time I made my New Year’s predictions for 2018. As is the current custom, I will grade myself on how well I did.

I predicted that the Philadelphia Eagles would score more points than the New England Patriots in the Super Bowl. (Keep in mind that 12 teams had a shot at the SB when the prediction was made). I thought the refs would give the game to NE anyway, and I was wrong on that. Nevertheless, I give myself 100 points for my prediction,

I predicted that the Cleveland Browns would be thrown out of the league. The Browns are still in the league and did quite well this year. So, since I predicted they would still be a football team I am giving myself 75 points for that one.

I predicted that Mueller would be accused on a crime as a way to try to derail the Trump crimes. Well, a site called “Newspunch” has reported that there is a SECRET indictment against Mueller. We can’t see it because it is secret, but it shows he is a criminal!!! So, I give myself 100 points on that one. I also predicted that Trump would fire Mueller. I give myself 50 points on that one because if he wanted to he could have.

I predicted people would die of boredom watching baseball. The World Series was a 4-1 yawner. My sources tell me that over 145 people dies of “unknown causes”during the series. I give myself 50 points .

I was wrong about FEMA and Puerto Rico. I thought by now the island would have electric power. Instead, we discovered that FEMA had actually shipped all emergency materials OUT of Puerto Rico two weeks before the hurricane hit. One way to keep resources safe!! I give myself 37 points for this one for underestimating the lack of preparedness by FEMA and the corruption.

Thought Scott Pruitt would make a fool of himself denying global warming. (OK, that was easy). I didn’t think he would be caught in a corruption scandal, like Price, etc. So, I ony get 6 points for the obvious.

I predicted the pope would be caught denying the existence of god. I missed on that one. But he did condemn sexual deviance by his priests and bishops. A step in the right direction. So , I give the pope 10 points .

I predicted that Zinke of the Interior Department, whose job it is to protect our national parks, would sell off national parks. He had suggested at least 27 national monuments be taken off the monument list. He also proposed a 13% budget cut in maintenance for our public parks. Is he still in office or has he also resigned due to corruption? I can’t keep up. 100 points for me.

I also predicted that Congress would be virtually useless in 2018 as Trump would simply ignore them. And they would acquiesce. I give myself 1000 points on that one.

So, it was a mixed bag. However, since I am grading myself I have to say I am the BEST prognosticator ever. Without doubt. And I will do even better next year. I know more than all the generals.

Last years predicts:

https://josephurban.wordpress.com/2017/12/

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Why Mueller Must Go

Before the New Year Mueller must be fired.

Here is why. So far, even with all the “redacted” sections of the plea deals with Cohen , Manafort and Flynn, we see a lot of evidence. Also, various dependable news sources, the New York Times, Washington Post, McClatchy, Mother Jones and the Rolling Stone have all run plenty of stories with evidence of wrongdoing by the Trump associates.

So, the noose is tightening around Mr Trump and his family. Here are some of the strands in the noose.

1. Firing the head of the FBI who refused to drop the investigation of Flynn for criminal activities. Flynn subsequently pleaded guilty to crimes. He is now cooperating with the investigation. He knows a lot.

2. The Trump Tower NYC meeting between Putin agents and the highest levels of the Trump campaign. First, according to Trump, it never happened. Then it happened but it was about “adoptions”. Now, we know it happened and was about coordination with Russia and “dirt” on Clinton. (The “dirt” never existed).

3. Michael Cohen pleading guilty to a variety of illegal activities, including campaign finance fraud. He did this, according to his under oath plea, at the direction of Mr Trump. Mr Trump first denied any knowledge. Then said he may have known, but it was not his money. Then said it was his money but nothing was wrong with it. So, why did Cohen plead guilty to a crime that, according to Mr Trump, does not exist?

4.The connections between Jared Kushner and Saudi Arabia. Saudi Arabia bailed out Kushner on his debt ridden building in NYC, while Kushner was working in the White House. Now, the US has a massive arms deal with the Saudis and is refusing to condemn the murder of Kashoggi, the Saudi journalist who was living in the US. Even though the CIA maintains that the Saudis killed him.

5. The hundreds of thousands of dollars spent at Trump properties by foreign governments while he is in the White House. A violation of the emoluments clause of the Constitution.

6. The connections between the NRA and the Russian government, via Maria Butina, in the moving of millions of dollars in campaign funds to support the Trump campaign. The NRA spent a record $30,000,000 supporting the Trump election effort, much of it untraceable until now. Did the typical, honest member of the NRA know it was working in cahoots with the Russians? Nope.

7. The Trump organization money laundering of Russian money through their hotels , not only in the US, but in Scotland and possibly other countries. Trumps’ kid bragged about getting Russian money when US banks refused to lend money to the Trump family . (Why not? Too many bad deals where the lenders were screwed). Trump’s tax returns, which he refused to release not only before the election but even today, hold the key.

8. And, last but not least, all the other stuff Mueller has on the Trump kids and Trump organization. Information we will learn about when Mueller makes his final report.

So, Mueller must be fired. The partial, fragmentary evidence is already overwhelming. Mueller must be fired while the GOP still controls the government. Once the Democrats take over in the House of Representatives it will be too late for Trump. The truth will all come out. In detail.

Expect a 2 AM tweet sometime soon:

“Fake Mueller WICH HUNT must END. For guud of the cuntry. Mueeller must go. NO COLLISION! President found NOT GUILTY !!!! Muller…Your FIRED ! (@ real Donald Trump).”

 

 

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Have We Ever Met?

As soon as the Democrats whupped Donald Trump in the midterms he immediately fired Jeff Sessions, his Attorney General.

Jeff Sessions was lockstep in implementing all of Trump’s policies. He refused to act on any voter suppression cases. He refused to enforce the Voting Rights Act. He refused to enforce environmental laws. A Trumpster all the way.

Jeff Sessions was the first US Senator to endorse Trump. He was the first Senator to wear that goofy hat. Like Trump, he has a long history of racial discrimination. Birds of a feather.

BUT, following the required law, Sessions had to recuse himself from overseeing the Mueller probe. Because he, himself, had met with Russians and later lied about it. This made Trump mad. Not the meeting part. Not the lying part. The recusal part.

So, another in a long line of Trump sycophants is thrown under the bus. Or out the window of Trump Tower. Into the Trump fecal pond. So be it.

Now, Trump has appointed a new acting Attorney General (emphasis on “acting”). A Fox news guy who has long held that the Supreme Court is not allowed to interfere with the president. That the president is above the law.

OK. So he is a Trump stooge. What else is new?

Well, according to Trump this guy is a great man. People in the White House say he is a man who Trump has met with a number of times. A man highly respected. They get along real good. Or, do they ? Uh…wait a minute.

Well, Trump, who just appointed this totally unqualified weight lifter to become the HIGHEST attorney in the land  NOW claims he doesn’t even know the guy.

“Who are you? Do I know you? Wanna be Attorney General? Okey dokey, you got the job. Gotta run. ”

He just appointed this complete stranger to the leadership of the Department of Justice.

According to the NY Times ..the “FAILING” NY Times….

“Mr. Whitaker, who now oversees the investigation, has visited the Oval Office several times and is said to have an easy chemistry with the president, according to people familiar with the relationship.

“I don’t know Matt Whitaker,” Mr. Trump told reporters as he left Washington for a weekend trip to Paris. “Matt Whitaker is a very highly respected man.””

Appointing someone he does not even know. Hmmm. If it were true it just might be a step in the right direction.

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The Trump – Mueller Interview

Many folks do not know it but Mueller has already interviewed Donald Trump. The interview was held in private . Mueller had a stenographer take notes. Mr Trump demanded that a Russian interpreter be in the room as well. With my inside contacts, I have obtained part of the transcript.

Mueller: Good morning. For the record, can you state your full name and position.

Trump: Yes. I ..uh.. my name is ..uh…Donald Dennison…no…uh David Douchemugger…uh…wait…Drivel Bongbaker…uh…wait…I have it…uh… let me look in my wallet here. Uh. Donald Trump. Yes. Donald Trump.

Mueller: OK. And your position?

Trump: My position is the best. Best position. i have always been the best, hired the best people. The best. My position is the best position ever.

Mueller: To be more specific. What is your job?

Trump: My job. Yes, I have a job. Is this a trick question? My job is the best president. best president ever. I won the election. I beat Crooked Hillary. Best election ever. Most votes ever for a president since Honest Abe. More popular than Honest Abe. All the polls show it. Fantastic job. I am doing a fantastic job.

Mueller: OK. Let the record show that Mr Trump is the President of the United States.

Trump: I object, your honor. I am the BEST president of the United States. I won the election fair and square. No collusion. No collusion. Witch hunt.

Mueller: OK. Now. In June of 2016 were you aware of the meeting between Paul Manafort, Donald Trump, Jr.,Jared Kushner and 3 of Putin’s agents from the Kremlin? Were you aware they were meeting one floor below you in Trump Tower?

Trump: No contacts at all between my campaign and any Russian. None. Witch Hunt. No collusion. Maybe a completely unimportant meeting one time. So unimportant I don’t remember it. Meeting? What meeting. About adoptions. I love kids. Love adoptions. Meeting about adoptions. No Russians there. Never in Trump Tower. I never heard of Russians. Who is Manafort. Worked for me for a day or two. Never heard of Trump Tower. Where is it? Jared? Jared who? Who am I?

Mueller: OK. Uh. Shortly after being told that the Russian government had derogatory information about the Clintons, you stated that you were going to make a speech about the Clinton -Russia connections. But you never made such a speech. What was the basis of your original claim and why did you not make the speech about the Clinton-Russian connections?

Trump: A great speech. I made a great speech. Everyone said so. That’s not what I say, it’s what everyone says. So many speeches. Great speeches. Crooked Hillary and Russia. So much collusion. If people only knew. It would be the biggest scandal ever. Bigger than the Apprentice. the rating would be amazing. Amazing ratings. No collusion. Lock Her Up. Why aren’t you going after Hillary. Waterboard her. Not torture.

Mueller: Uh. Mr Trump. You seem to be evading all my questions. Can you answer this directly. While you made many statements that you had no contact with Russians, we have  signed contract with Russians to build a Trump Tower in Moscow. You negotiated with the Russians while you were a candidate for president, yet denied any connections with Russia. Can you explain that, please?

Trump: Yes. I will be happy to answer directly.  No collusion. Fake news. Witch hunt. Trump Tower is a fantastic building. WOW. I built it myself. Fine piece of architecture. best ever. I don’t say so. Everybody says so. Trump Tower is in Moscow. Uh. Oh. There is no Trump Tower in Moscow? Wait. Let me make a phone call. Oh. Later? Vlad assured me I could build one in Moscow. That’s in Russia, right? See. I know a lot . No collusion. No hookers in a Moscow hotel. That is fake. I never met Putin. Never saw him. Next question.

Mueller: (sigh). Let the record show the interview has ended.

Trump: Great job. Best interview ever. My answers were fantastic. The best answers ever. No collusion. Crooked Hillary.

 

 

 

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Tom Reed’s Double Speak

My Congressman, Tom Reed (NY-23) issued this statement on twitter:

“Russia is not our friend, and I have no doubt they have, and are trying to, meddle in our elections. However, there is no evidence of collusion with any American, and it is time for the Mueller probe to come to a close. By completing the investigation, we will restore our faith in our democratic electoral process.”

Since the statement seems contradictory to me , I called Tom’s Washington DC office (202-225-3161) and asked for clarification.  I talked to a very polite young man who really could not answer my questions, but tried. Usually referring me back to the statement.

First, I congratulated Reed for breaking with Mr. Trump and admitting that the Russians were involved in subverting our election. That, on the surface, is a big step. After all, Mr Trump still denies any Russian involvement. He said he takes Putin’s word for it.

Now, Since Reed was Mr Trump’s campaign manager in this part of NY I would not expect him to openly call Trump a liar. That would take courage. However, he does walk the fine line of stating the obvious. Russia interfered with our elections.

When I asked , point blank: Does Reed think Trump is wrong by calling this a witch hunt?, the response was that Reed stood by his statement. A statement that avoids mentioning Trump.

I pointed out that Reed wants to shut down the Mueller probe. But the young man insisted that Reed SUPPORTS the Mueller probe. I referred him to the statement and he did not see a contradiction in supporting the probe and shutting it down.

Following up, I thought the only logical reason for this would be that Reed KNOWS that Mueller will find no further evidence, hence there is no need to investigate. Reed must KNOW that no Americans were involved in any connections with Russians . He must be privy to the inside information only Mueller has! So, I asked if Reed had some special knowledge about the investigation and what Mueller knows. There was no answer to this query.

So, Tom Reed SUPPORTS the Mueller probe, but wants it ENDED immediately. He does not know what other evidence Mueller has but wants the investigation shut down. Tom wants to shut down an investigation into possible criminal activity before the investigators have collected or released all the facts and evidence.  How can you claim to support an investigation while calling for  it be stopped?

In my way of thinking, this is doublespeak.

Can’t have it both ways, Tom. Either you stand with law enforcement or you don’t. What ever happened to the party of “law and order” ?

 

 

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Trump Dictionary…J is for…K is for

Jared. Top adviser . Fantastic . Doing a great job. He solved the Middle East problem with his peace plan. They said it couldn’t be done. He did it. Peace in the Middle East. More details later. Owns a great building in NY. Made over $80,000,000 last year part-time while working for me. How does he do it? Gets to sleep with Ivanka. Fantastic guy. Lucky guy.

Jerusalem. Wonderful city. In Israel. I made Jerusalem the capital of Israel. Before me people said, where is the capital? Who knew? I said. Jerusalem. . No one else could do it. I did it. All the Jews love me for it. Built an embassy in Jerusalem. Came in on time and under budget. They said it couldn’t be done. No one could build an embassy. I did it.

Jews. Sometimes referred to as the Chosen People. That’s what people say. Many live in Israel. Great nation of Israel. Love the people. Love the Jews. Good with money. I always say, let a Jew handle your money, not a Negro. Shrewd race of people. Very shrewd.

Justice. Department of Justice. Sometimes called the DOJ. In the cabinet. Sessions not doing a good job. Should fire Mueller. I could if I wanted to. Justice Department has so many Democrats. Out to get me. Disband the FBI. Awful what they are doing. Investigate Hillary and Russia collusion.

Justin Kennedy. Great guy. His father is on the supremist court. His father just resigned so I can appoint another justice. Fantastic. Met Justin many, many years ago at Deutsche Bank where he loaned me over $1,000,000,000. US banks wouldn’t do it. Would not lend me any money. Justin did it. Now, they fined Deutsche Bank for money laundering. HOAX. Made up story. I love Justin. Love his father. Two great guys. (see reference below)

KKK. Patriotic group. Want to make America great again. Many fine people in the KKK. Want to stop inter breeding with other kinds of people. Given a bad rap. Fine citizens. States rights.

Kanada. Northern border. They are ripping us off in trade. Have been for 300 years. Terrible trade deal. Obama signed it. AWFUL. Kanada will have to pay. No health care in Kanada. Awful place.  May build a second wall along the Kanada border. Make Mexico pay for it.

Kim Jong Un.  Fox interview.

When Baier pointed out Kim’s regime imprisons, tortures and kills his own people, Trump replied, “Yeah, but so have other people done some really bad things. I could go through a lot of nations where a lot of bad things were done.”

And Friday, the president told Fox & Friends, “He’s the head of a country — and I mean he’s the strong head. He speaks and his people sit up in attention. I want my people to do the same.”

Konstantin Kilimnik. Great guy. Manafort’s handler. Very smart cookie. Good friend. Some say he is a Russian spy. Not true. Fake news. No Russia ties . Never heard of him. Also never heard of Manafort. (see reference below).

Korea, North. Tweet: “There is no longer a Nuclear Threat from North Korea.”

Kremlin. Fantastic building. In Russia. Putin lives there. Better than the White House. No interference in our elections . Asked Putin, he said he never interfered. Fake news. Kremlin has a lot of bricks. Very tall. Like a wall. Can’t get inside.

https://newrepublic.com/minutes/149496/trumps-relationship-justice-kennedy-sounds-shady-new-report

Mueller Finally Unmasked the Trump Campaign’s Secret Russian Operative

Add any suggestions below.

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L’etat, c’est moi

The Sun King, Louis XIV of France is credited with saying: “I am the state.” But he said it in French, of course. Now, he probably didn’t say it. Just an example of FAKE NEWS. But he acted like someone who would say something like that ,so….

I am the state. I am above the law. I am the law. Richard Nixon said something similar in his interview with David Frost. “If the president does it that means it is not illegal”. Nixon was referring to any action a POTUS might take in the national interest.

Now we have Donald Trump making the same claims of absolute power.  This week Trump followed up the letter his legal team sent to Mueller in January.

Trump and his attorneys claim that he cannot be indicted. Even if he kills someone. That claim is supported by Rudy Giuliani. He is above the law. He cannot be held accountable by any justice system. Taken to its (il)logical conclusion that means he can do anything he wants with impunity.

L’Etat, c’est moi.

Trump and his lawyers claim that Mr Trump can end any investigation for any reason. He can stop the FBI from investigating any possible terror attack. He can stop the FBI from investigating organized crime. He can stop the FBI from investigating his own family business practices. He can shut down the FBI permanently and allow them to investigate NOTHING. According to this legal theory.

L’Etat, c’est moi.

Trump and his lawyers claim he can pardon anyone for any reason. That he can even pardon himself.  While the Justice Department handed down a decision that a president cannot pardon himself Trump ignores it. That decision, of course, was requested by Richard Nixon. The DOJ said: No. Your pardon power does not extend to your own crimes. Three days later Nixon resigned. Trump will not. He is above the law. He is the law.

L’etat, c’est moi.

Louis the XIV fired his advisers. He said he alone would run the government. He didn’t need advice. Only he, under the will of god, could rule and make decisions.

He moved the French capital from Paris to Mar-a-Largo…er, I mean to a different location. He set himself up in the opulent Palace at Versailles. A massive wonderful building. Truly awesome. I have seen it. He brought the nobles under his power. He brought them to Versailles to play (golf?). And pay for the privilege. He catered to the elites, while intimidating them to kowtow to him. And accepting their tribute.

He revoked the Edict of Nantes, which gave Protestants religious freedom. He oppressed those of another faith. He didn’t like those foreigners. He didn’t like their religion. He changed the law. He was above the law.

L’Etat, c’est moi.

Donald Trump does not know history. Or science. Or math. Or…fill in the blanks. But he knows one thing. He has a subservient Republican Party that will allow him to do anything he wants.

L’Etat, c’est moi.

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Louis_XIV_of_France

http://landmarkcases.org/en/Page/722/Nixons_Views_on_Presidential_Power_Excerpts_from_a_1977_Interview_with_David_Frost

 

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USS Trumptanic

In April , 1912, an iceberg collided with the RMS Titanic . In a few hours the “unsinkable” gigantic ship sank. While most of the first class passengers managed to escape, most of the third class passengers perished. The captain went down with the ship.

Yesterday, Robert Mueller released the first indictment in a series. Thirteen Russians, working for Putin and his oligarchs, have been charged with helping destroy the candidacy of Hillary Clinton. The evidence is clear. The grand jury indicted. It is no hoax.

The captain of the RMS Titanic was informed that an iceberg was sighted. He tried to steer the ship away. But the iceberg was moving too fast and ship could not be saved. So, about 2 and a half hours later, the Titanic sunk. Some of the wealthiest people in the world were on board. Most made it to safety, some perished. For the third class passengers…well, not so good.

The captain of USS Trumptanic has known about the iceberg for sometime. We now have early warning systems for icebergs. Now the iceberg has been sighted. And it’s name is Mueller.

The thing about icebergs. For some, over 90% of the ice is below the surface. When you spot the 50 foot high tower of ice in the distance, you can be fearful that there is a massive block of ice you can’t see. Moving toward you. Slowly. Inexorably. On the way to tearing your ship apart.

The captain of the USS Trumptanic has seen the tip of the iceberg. He has watched as more and more of his crew have already fled to the lifeboats. Flynn. Manafort. Gates. Bannon. Already thrown overboard.  He sees the small block of ice and is convinced that there is nothing under the water.

What has happened? First, Mueller indicts Flynn, Manafort, Gates, Papadapolous. The crew. Now, the tip of the iceberg is moving along the horizon. The 13 Russian agents who worked with some Americans to distrupt the 2016 election. To get their man elected.

What’s next? What is below the surface? It’s not difficult to figure out.

Drill into the iceberg core. What do you find? Money laundering. The Russian money laundering business which has used Trump properties for years to hide the money from their illegal activities. Trump properties are rented and bought by Russian oligarchs for well above real value. Classic moneylaundering.

Drill deeper. Coordination with Russian agents. Jared Kushner was in charge of the internet activities of the Trump campaign. Jared Kushner has a massive debt on 666 Fifth Avenue, which he cannot pay. Jared Kushner has tried time and again to get loans from Russian government bankers, because long ago US banks refused to deal with him or Trump. Indictments coming.

Drill deeper. Donnie Junior and his “adoption” meetings with Russian agents. At Trump Tower. A secret meeting, in Trump Tower,  that the captain claimed was all about adoptions. Later found not to be true. The captain himself had lied about the reasons for the meeting. Indictments coming.

Drill deeper. The Mueller Iceberg has indictments and evidence that we can only guess at. But be certain. The iceberg is slowly and methodically heading for the USS Trumptanic. Collision course.

Edward Smith, the captain of the Titanic, saw the iceberg. He knew it was going to hit. He knew he was responsible. He did not run for the lifeboats. He went down with the ship.

The captain of the Trumptanic is NOT the captain of the Titanic. The captain of the Trumptanic will not go down with his ship. He is standing on deck blaming his crew for the iceberg. He is blaming the ice for the iceberg.

The captain of the Trumptanic is not going to jump into one of the lifeboats. He is waiting patiently for Mitch McConnell and Paul Ryan. They hold his fate in their hands. And they are on the way. Not with a lifeboat. Mitch and Paul are sailing to save the captain with a luxury yacht.

And together they will sail back home while the Trumptanic and the crew sink. The iceberg cometh.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/RMS_Titanic

https://www.npr.org/2018/02/17/586698361/the-russia-investigations-mueller-indicts-the-internet-research-agency

 

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New Year Predictions 2018

This is the time of year when we think about the new year and what it will bring.  My new year predictions for 2018. While a couple might be a little off, I remain confident that my overall predictions will hold true.

The Cleveland Browns football team will be allowed to leave the NFL and play against selected college teams. While they do not fair well against Southeastern Virginia Disability Institute and the Outer Waco Texas Girls Ballet School the season is not a total loss. They will end up with a 1-11 record, having eked out a 3-0 victory over the Northern Idaho School for the Blind.

Robert Mueller’s third cousin on his mother’s side, 12 year old Cynthia Woggles,  will be investigated by a Congressional Committee headed by Trent Gowdy. The investigation, which will cost $ 7,000,000 and the calling of 98 witnesses, all of whom are commentators on Fox and Friends, will discover that Woggles  voted for Hillary Clinton in her 6th grade mock election in 2016.  (Not to be confused with the national mock election held the same year) Mr Trump will use this evidence of bias to fire the Republican Mueller. In  his place Mr Trump will appoint Roy Moore to take over the investigation. Moore immediatley calls Woggles for a play date.

Major League baseball will announce that after a study of fan injuries at 6 ballparks they have discovers 14 fans who had died during the game. At first the cause of the deaths was a mystery, since none of these fans were hit by foul balls or bats. Medical examiners confirm that these deaths can be attributed to a cerebral shutdown of the inner brain, caused by intense boredom.

The US will recognize the following new capitals. Scotland. Former capital: Edinburgh. New capital: Trump International Golf Links.  China. Former capital: Beijing, Forbidden City. New capital: Shanghai, Ivanka Shoe Factory.  Iran. Former capital: Tehran. New capital: Jersusalem.  USA. Former capital: Washington, DC. New capital: Mar-A-Lago, Florida. Congress passes a law concuring.

FEMA will announce, sometime in June, that they have devised a plan to bring power back to Puerto Rico. Puerto Rico has not had full electric power resumed since Hurricane Maria in September, 2017. Despite the fact that the FEMA response was the “best response ever” to a catastrophe (a close second being the FEMA response to Hurricane Katrina in New Orleans) . The new plan calls for running an extension cord from Merida, Mexico to the island to bring power back on line to the millions of foreigners living in Puerto Rico.  As long as Mexico agrees to pay for the cord.

The 1st Annual Scott Pruitt “Global Warming is a Hoax” seminar takes place in a yacht named “The Golden Dollar” off the coast of Charleston, South Carolina in July. Guest speakers include climate experts Sean Hannity, Clint Eastwood’s empty chair and the entire Duck Dynasty family. The conference is cut short when a family of polar bears swims past searching for ice.

In the Vatican, Pope Francis is caught on mike saying that he thinks “this god stuff is a bunch of BS”. Nevertheless,  he speaks out against war, violence, disease, global warming and hatred. He calls on all government leaders of the world to join in peace and harmony. No one calls back.When asked what common people should do to solve these problems he answers: “I tell you, I’m all outta ideas. Reality sucks so you might as well pray to a fantasy. Gets ME through the day.”

The New England Patriots win the Super Bowl, 17-14, on February 4 in a thriller over the Philadelphia Eagles. The Eagles have 7 TDs called back by the replay officials in NY, who are nowhere near the actual location of the game in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Days later it is discovered that the league officials in NY had mistakenly been watching the replays of the Bournemouth vs. Stoke City English Premier League soccer match of February 3, in which no one scored. As usual.

Secretary of the Interior Ryan Zinke announces the closing of all National Parks, except for Mount Rushmore. All parks will be sold to the Koch Brothers at a deep discount and the proceeds, which are tax deductible, will be spent renovating Mount Rushmore. The faces of Teddy Roosevelt, George Washington , Thomas Jefferson and Abe Lincoln will be sandblasted away to make room for giant head of Donald Trump, surrounded by his three wives. The monument will be renamed: Best Monument Ever. Congress concurs.

On a strict liberal vs. conservative vote the Supreme Court approves Executive Order 5,678 on the topic of voting rights. Since the court had previously ruled , under Citizens United, that money equals speech, they extend that ruling to include voting. Under the new ruling “money equals voting”, as well. Based on the principle of “one dollar equals one vote” the 2018 election will be determined by a new voting method. Every citizen must bring in their tax returns to show their gross income from wages and investments. Each dollar will count as one vote.

North Korean leader, professional golfer and all around bozo Kim Jung Un  announces a new building plan. He has signed an agreement with Trump University to open up a “Kim-Donald School For Learning Stuff” in Pyongyang. The school will focus on business related seminars including: How to Get Stuff  For Free; 12 Ways to Evict “Those People”; Tax Evasion 101: Avoiding Those Nasty Import Fees; and, Bankruptcy, The Real Estate Developers Best Friend. Eric Trump attends the ribbon cutting ceremony which is a disaster as none of the Korean made scissors are sharp enough to cut the paper ribbon. Eric calls the “Kim-Donald “school  the “best university ever” and announces at the same time that the US will begin selling nuclear technology to Kim as a gesture of good will.

Finally. Congress votes itself a 50% pay raise for a “job well done”. The legislative branch passed a total of three bills. They were: 1. “The Amazing Trump is the Best President Ever” bill awarding the Trump Medal of MAGA to the best person in America. This year’s recipient? Donald Trump. 2. “The FBI Traitor” law. Which labels all members of the FBI, former and current, official “enemies of the people” and subject to immediate permanent detention and prosecution for doing “bad stuff”. Mueller is the first to be perp walked. 3. “Congressional Vacation Act” which allows Congress to take a vacation for a period including January 2 through December 30, with pay and expenses for fact finding travel.  Mr Trump signed all three bills and praised Congress for their services… which will no longer be necessary.

 

 

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