State of the Union 2019

Mr Trump, with permission from Nancy Pelosi, will be giving the State of the Union message on Tuesday. Many people will not be able to watch him because they have better things to do. Like watch reruns of Happy Days. Clean up some dog poop. Put on toe fungus ointment. The list is endless.

Have no fear. Due to my extensive contacts with the Deep State I have been able to obtain an early draft notes of Mr Trump’s address. A special thanks to Kelly Anne Convoy, who shall remain anonymous. Hopefully. So, as a public service, here are the preliminary notes to Donald’s address. These are only notes, so Mr Trump may or may not use them.

Card #1: Say hello to our troops. Best troops ever. Remind them of your military service . You wanted to go to war and we probably would have won the Vietnam war but your father’s doctor said : No way, not with those heels! Sad. Very sad. Don’t call Pelosi a bitch. If you do, she will nail your ass for the next 2 years. THAT IS VERY IMPORTANT. Don’t cross Pelosi. PLEASE.

Card#2: Best president ever. Best economy in the history of the world. Since time began in 4004 BC. Remind them they can’t impeach someone who is doing such a fantastic job. Finally America is respected by Russia after the failed Obama stuff. DON’T say he was born in Kenya. That one is no longer useful. Mention that Kamala Harris sounds like a foreign name to you. Maybe SHE was born in Kenya. Just saying. America for Americans. Remind them to lock her up. Lock her up.

Card#3: You are building the wall. Biggest wall ever. Everyone knows walls work. Obama has a wall around his house. Keeps out illegal rapists. WHAMMO That will wing em. You don’t need congress to build a wall. You already have the money, so you don’t need congress. Also, condemn the Democrats for not giving you wall money, even though you don’t need them to give you wall money. Make that clear. They refuse to give you what you don’t need. Also, remind them that Mexico has already paid for the wall. DONE deal ! The wall is built. As promised!

Card #4: Tell them how tough you are. You got North Korea to give up all their nukes. They have promised. Remind them that you know more than the stupid CIA that claims Kim is still building nukes. FAKE NEWS. Remind them that Obama never would talk with Kim, but you out dealed the dictator. No more nukes in Korea. You are the best president ever. (Tell them). Smarter than the CIA. Kim PROMISED. He promised. Gave his word.

Card #5: Remind them how Russia is a hoax. All of Russia. You never met Putin. No one in your campaign ever met Russians. You can’t even find Russia on a map. Can’t even find a map. You don’t even know who Putin is. Also, you now have the best relations with Russia ever. By far. And Putin says he never would do anything like SPY. Ridiculous. Fake news. Putin said so, too. He PROMISED he did nothing. So, there you have it. He was very strong when he said it. VERY STRONG! Tell them you could fire Mueller if you wanted to but you don’t want to. So there.

Card#6: Tell them how the unemployment is so low. Lowest ever. It is so low that there are no unemployed. Only the lazy illegal immigrants who come here for handouts. And they rape our white women. Especially the blonde ones. Instead of working, they rape. Everyone else has a great job. And everyone has health care, thanks to your health care plan. And the bridges are all fixed and all the potholes are gone. People say so. Remind them that people say so. Another promise fulfilled. Everyone has the best health care ever. Thanks to you.

Card#7: Remind them that you are the commander in chief. That means you have all the power. You could have come to the Congress and delivered the State of the Union anytime you wanted, but you didn’t want to until now. You can go to war anytime you want. Or Jared wants. Or Bolton wants. . Watch out Venezuela. And Iran. You will defeat them like you defeated ISIS. ISIS is no longer around. All gone. Fake news if anyone says anything else. ISIS is no more.

Card # 8: Don’t use the “n” word. THIS IS IMPORTANT. There are a lot of darkies on the Dem side and they will try to make a big deal out of it. Also, your true supporters know you are a racist, no need to remind them.

Card #9: Finish by saying God Bless America. This is of utmost importance. God…Bless…America. Remind them that you are the greatest Christian ever to be president. If you don’t remember anything else (which is a good bet) don’t forget the God Bless America line. It is better than Lock Her Up. Which reminds me. Tell them you do have the power to pardon all family members…and yourself. And you intend to do so. And there is nothing Nancy can do about it, so NYAHH, NYAHH.

 

So, if you miss the State of the Union, don’t worry. You read it here first. It is in safe hands. Of the greatest president ever!  God Bless America.

The Tantrum

I was shopping at a Wegman’s grocery store a few years ago. In line ahead of me was a young mother with a cart full of food. And a 3 or 4 year old toddler.

As is often the case, the checkout lane was filled with those last minute items one tends to forget to buy. Like candy. And candy. And more candy.

I am not cynical enough (well, I am, actually) to think that grocery stores intentionally put loads of sweets right where little toddlers can see them. And demand them. And grab them. And cry for them.

Which is what this toddler did. He or she began whining. “I want..I want..I want”.

The young mother said “No.”

So, the toddler reached over and picked up candy bar and placed it on the counter.

We all waited to see what the mother would do. Would she give in? Would she let the toddler have his way? Would she yell? Would she slap him?

She picked up the candy bar and placed it back where it belonged. The toddler wailed. Louder and louder. Picked up another candy bar and placed it on the counter. He was making a scene. A power play.

What would the mother do? After all, what parent has not been in the position of having a little tyke act out in public.  We all waited. Would she crack? Would she give in? Would she yell?

The young mother picked up the candy bar and put it back on the shelf.

Again. And again. And again. The toddler wailed and cried. And cried. And wailed. Eventually they left. The youngster wailing all the way out of the store. Empty handed.

Psychologists tell us that when behavior gets rewarded it gets repeated. I am guessing  this young mother had taken a good Psychology course.

And so did Nancy Pelosi.

 

Let’s Hear It For the Wall

What is wrong with a wall? A fence? A barrier? Nothing.

As Barack Obama, Nancy Pelosi, Chuck Schumer, Hillary Clinton and other Democrats have voted for in the past. All of them have voted for partial fences or barriers as part of an overall strategy to control illegal immigration. They cannot deny it. And so did the Republicans. They also voted for comprehensive border control. The Democratic House just passed a bill  that the GOP Senate passed last month. Mr Trump will not sign it. Keeping the government open and border security in place. So, why the controversy over a 2,000 mile wall all the way across the US -Mexico border?

I have a number of barriers on my property. To keep animals in. To keep animals out.

I have a chain link fence across part of my backyard to keep my dogs from running off. They can see through the fence and get chuffed when the squirrels run up the trees. And go absolutely bananas when a few deer lope through the woods. They want to run. They want chase. The fence keeps them in. It works. It performs as expected.

My wife has a field where, in the summer, she keeps her horse. We have an electrified fence around the field. It is just a few wires attached to a low voltage box. When you touch it it creates a small jolt. Enough to teach a horse not to break through. Of course, it doesn’t stop the deer from leaping over it. Or a cat or dog or fox from sneaking under it. It is designed to keep horses in and works quite well. It performs as expected.

Every other year we raise chickens. As meat birds. We have a chicken wire fence around the chicken area. So they can wander around and get some “free range” exercise in their short time on Earth. Initially I put up a fence that had wire squares, too small for chickens to get through. One year we had an extremely small chicken that would run THROUGH the fence and back in again. So, I had to adjust the fence and add chicken wire all around. Problem solved. The chicken fence works well. It performs as expected.

I built that chicken coop for our chickens. Because at night the raccoons come out. And fat juicy chickens are high on the raccoon and fox menu. One of my farmer neighbors lost about a dozen chickens to a weasel one year. Others have lost chickens to foxes. I have never lost a chicken. My coop, which keeps the furry foodstuffs in safely at night is impregnable. The Fort Knox of chicken coops. It performs the expected.

There is about an acre of my property where I don’t have a wall or fence. The part that is a lowland. A swamp. A wetland. It extends from the road to the woods. Even if my dogs escaped they could not run away through it.  The deer avoid it. I cannot walk through it without getting sucked into a squishy marsh. So, it remains an untouched little part of the ecosystem. Putting a fence or a wall around this would be a massive waste of money. I don’t have money to throw away on walls that don’t work. The wetland performs as expected.

Back to the border wall.

Nine members of the US House of Representatives represent districts that border  Mexico. Every one of them opposes a long wall. Not because they want “open borders” but because a long wall , in and of itself, is not the appropriate solution to the problem. All want walls where they work. Near towns and cites. In fact, there are already walls, (voted for by the Dems and GOP) , because they are appropriate. But not across the entire border.

These nine members, who know more than anyone else the problems of illegal immigration, do not want to waste money. They want drones. They want more border security personnel. They want rapid response teams. They want border control that works.

So, do we need a “Wall” across the entire border? Is it even possible to build? What would it cost? More important. Is it the best, smartest way to spend our tax dollars? And why do we shut down the the government over a dispute over a wall?

We need to open up the government. Then we need hearings. Yes, hearings. We have NEVER had any public hearings on the best way to control the border. Let us see the actual wall, where it will go and what it will cost. If a wall or steel barrier is the best way to secure the border, then let us have a public discussion. With experts to testify as to the cost and feasibility.

Perhaps the GOP can make a solid case that the best way to spend tax dollars effectively to control the border is a wall. At this point there is NO SPECIFIC plan for what a wall would look like or cost. Perhaps the Democrats can make the case that the best way is a combination of a wall, where appropriate, and more modern techniques where those work better. At this point they have NO PLAN for border security.

So, let’s have hearings and see what is really going on. If this is so important to Mr Trump should he not welcome the chance to show how and why the 2,000 mile wall will work and what it will cost? With facts? With data? With evidence? With a cost analysis? Shouldn’t those who want other types of border security be allowed to make their case?

So. Open the government. Congressional hearings on border security. Let’s “hear it” for the wall.

From Robert Frost’s “Mending Wall”

Something there is that doesn’t love a wall,
That sends the frozen-ground-swell under it,
And spills the upper boulders in the sun;.....

.....Before I built a wall I’d ask to know
What I was walling in or walling out,
And to whom I was like to give offense....

https://www.poets.org/poetsorg/poem/mending-wall

 

Humpty Trumpty

Humpty Trumpty demanded a wall

Made out of concrete

Thirty feet tall.

Humpty Trumpty shut government down

Stomping his feet

Punching the ground.

Humpty Trumpty called in the Dems

Chuckie just sat there

Nancy wouldn’t bend.

So Humpty Trumpty tweeted and moaned

The wall must go up

A no immigrant zone.

Humpty Trumpty begged and he pleaded

But Chuck and Nancy

Would not be defeated.

Humpty Trumpty then asked around

For a  ditch or a fence

Anything above ground.

Humpty Trumpty pretended to win

I got my wall

He tweeted with a grin.

But all Humpty got was some egg on his face

While Pelosi and Schumer

Put him in his place.

Humpty Trumpty sat on his wall to the sky

Then Humpty fell off, but he didn’t die

You see Humpty Trumpty’s wall was a lie

The Great Wall of Mexico…

Just 3 inches high.