Tag Archives: Sarah Huckabee Sanders

Trump Jeopardy

Alec Trebeck: Welcome back to Jeopardy. We have two categories still open. Our contestants are locked in a 3 way tie, with no one having answered a question correctly yet. So, ladies will go first. Sarah Huckabee Sanders you can pick.

Chuck Grassley: Is it my turn?

Alec: No, Senator, it is Sarah’s turn.

Trent Gowdy: I think we need to investigate that further.

Alec: No, Trent. OK. Sarah, we have 2 categories left. They are: The Answer Is Trump and The Trump Organizations. So, Sarah?

Sarah: I will take The Answer is Trump for 200.

Alec: He said he could grab pussy anytime he wanted because he was famous. Buzzz. Sarah?

Sarah: Who was Hillary Clinton?

Alec: No…no. Who is Donald Trump? Sarah, you still have the choice.

Sarah: The Answer Is Trump for 400.

Alec: He instructed Cohen to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars to pay off women he had sex with while his wife was pregnant. Buzzz. Trent Gowdy.

Trent: What is Benghazi?

Alec: No…no..The answer is: Who is Donald Trump? Please pay attention to the category. Ok, Sarah?

Sarah: I’ll take Trump Organizations for 200.

Alec: This organization took millions of dollars from donors but never spent any of it on charities. Buzzz. Trent.

Trent: What is Benghazi?

Alec: No..no…Buzzz. Senator Grassley.

Grassley: Yes.

Alec: no…no…The answer was : What was the Trump Foundation? Ok. Sarah?

Sarah: Trump Organizations for 400 Alec,

Alec: This real estate business actually was started by Trump’s grandfather, who made his money literally on the backs of women. He ran a whore house. Buzzz. Sarah.

Sarah: Who was the National Football League?

Alec: No…Buzzz. Grassley?

Grassley: Who refused to kneel for the National Anthem?

Alec: No..The answer is : What was The Trump Foundation? Sarah?

Sarah: The Answer Is Trump for 600.

Alec: OK. PLEASE remember the category. Buzzzz. Grassley?

Grassley: World War 2?

Alec: no…please wait for the question. This president and his associates are currently being investigated for criminal activities 15 times…no..16 times..no..17 times and counting. Buzzzz. Trent.

Trent: What is Benghazi?

Alec:.No…no…The question is: Who is Donald Trump? Please keep in mind the category. Sarah, your turn still.

Sarah: I’ll try Trump Organizations for 600 Alec.

Alec: This organization ran casinos that went bankrupt even though it is nearly impossible to lose money running a casino. Buzzz. Grassley?

Grassley: When do we eat? They said we would eat. Somebody told me we would be eating here.

Alec: No..sorry..Buzzz. Sarah?

Sarah: Where is Las Vegas?,Alec.

Alec: No. The answer is: What is the Trump Organization. Sarah?

Sarah: Trump Is The Answer for 800.

(DING DING DING)

Alec: The Daily Double. So, Sarah, how much do you want to risk. You now have no money so you can risk up to 1600.

Sarah: I will risk 7 dollars Alec.

Alec: OK. This Florida university was sued and had to pay its students $25,000,000 for damages due to fraud. For defrauding students. Sarah?

Sarah: uhhh…What ..is…..Harvard University?

Alec: No…no..Buzzzz. Grassley, you can’t answer this one.

Grassley: Well, I know this one. What is the University of Alabama?

Alec: No..no.. The answer: What is Trump University? Sarah, you are still up.

Sarah: I’ll take Trump Organizations for 1000 Alec.

Alec: Ok. PLEASE, PLEASE remember the category is TRUMP organizations. This man ran a real estate business that US banks refused to lend money to, so he went to Russia to get financing. Buzzz. Trent.

Trent: What is Benghazi? …no…no… Who was Hillary Clinton?

Alec: No..no…The answer is: Who is Donald Trump. Sarah?

Sarah: I’ll take The Answer Is Trump for 1000.

Alec: OK. This 2016 presidential candidate was trying to make a deal with Putin to build a tower in Moscow while he was running for president. In 2016. Buzzz. Grassley.

Grassley: Who was Abe Lincoln? He ran for president, didn’t he?

Alec: No..no..The answer is: Who is Donald Trump? Sarah, thankfully we have the last question. PLEASE remember the category. Trump Is the Answer for 800. This man was given given over $ 400,000,000 by his father and still managed to go bankrupt 4 times. Buzzz. Sarah?

Sarah: What is Fake news?

Trent (yelling): BENGHAZI! BENGHAZI !!!

Grassley: Who is Senator Grassley?

Alec: OK OK. So, we will now go to final jeopardy. Since no one has any money we will alter the rules. If anyone gets the final answer correct you will win $100.

The final jeopardy category is: President Trump. The final Jeopardy answer is: This man’s daughter, Ivanka,  son,  Donald and son-in-law Jared will soon be indicted by Robert Mueller. Please write your answer in the form of a question.

(one minute later)

Alec: Ok, Sarah, show us your answer…. ” Who is Donald Duck?”..no…Senator Grassley?…”When do we eat?”…uh..no…Trent Gowdy?…” When will we investigate Benghazi?”..sorry…OK since we have no winners we will determine today’s champion by playing paper , rock and scissors.

(After 7 rounds of paper, rock and scissors produce no winner, Alec goes home)

 

 

 

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I Did Not Say Not Didn’t I?

Mr Trump has faced a lot of criticism for saying that there was no Russian interference in our election when the facts say otherwise. So, according to a news article today:

“…Speaking from the White HouseTrump said that after reviewing a transcript of the press conference he realized that “in a key sentence I said the word ‘would’ instead of ‘wouldn’t.’”

“Just to repeat it, I said the word would instead of wouldn’t,” Trump said, referring to his answer at the press conference, in response to a question about whether Russia had tried to influence the American election: “All I can do is ask the question — my people came to me, Dan Coats came to me and some others, they said they think it’s Russia. I have President Putin he just said it’s not Russia. I will say this, I don’t see any reason why it would be,” Trump had said, in a remark that stunned listeners and provoked outrage, even from many Republicans….”

https://www.yahoo.com/news/fire-trump-says-misspoke-russian-interference-u-s-election-192113980.html

Whew. Glad he cleared that up. But just to keep the record straight his spokesman who was thrown out of a restaurant on “All You Can Eat” night had an impromptu news conference to further clarify.

Yes, Sarah Huckster Sanders brought in select members of the press to explain some of Mr Trump’s past remarks. Luckily, being a favorite of the White House, I was called in to observe. It went like this.

Huckster: OK. Sit down and shut up.Thank you. We need to clarify a few comments made by the best president ever. Some of the fake news outlets have misreported his remarks in the past and I am here to set the record straight.

Let’s see. OK. When the best president met with Kim Jong -un he made a slight slip of the tongue. Mr Trump stated that Kim had promised to give up all his nuclear weapons and that Americans can now sleep easily. On reviewing the transcript what the best president meant to say was that Kim had NOT agreed to give up his nukes and that citizens should NOT sleep easily. This was a minor correction in the official statement.

I am sure the  FAILING New York Times will make a big deal out of that little word.

Also, immediately after the best inauguration ever Mr Trump stated that the crowds paying homage to him were the biggest ever. The FAKE NEWS jumped all over that one. They showed pictures of the Negro’s inauguration and tried to make the best president ever look like a liar. What he meant to say was that the crowds were NOT the biggest ever. A simple vocal error, but the FAKE NEWS tried to make him seem like a liar. Awful.

Talking about Obama. Mr Trump is quoted as saying that the Negro was born in Africa, even though his birth certificate shows he was born in Hawaii. Mr Trump MEANT to say the Obama was NOT born in Africa. But, the failing Washington Post made a BIG DEAL out of a little word. Anything to oppose the best president ever.

Ok. Well. One more. There was a phony tape called the Access Hollywood tape. Mr Trump allegedly says he can just grab a woman by the pussy and he kisses women whenever he wants. I can tell you from personal experience that the president has never tried to grab me or kiss me. At least not when Hope Hicks was living with him in the White House. At any rate, what Mr Trump MEANT to say in that tape was that he would NOT grab a woman by the pussy and he would NOT kiss a woman even if she looked like Ivanka. Of course, the FAKE NEWS made a big deal out of this simple misunderstanding.

Ok. OK. One more slight misunderstanding. During the campaign the best candidate ever encouraged his supporters to make a chant. “Lock Her Up. Lock Her Up”. On reviewing a number of tapes, the best president ever realizes that this was not what he meant to say. He left out a word . A small word which I am sure the FAILING MSNBC will not report on that correction. He was thinking “Don’t Lock Her Up, Don’t Lock Her Up”. A slip of the tongue. So, we have cleared that up.

Just to clarify further. In his wedding vows Mr Trump ALLEGEDLY said he would “love, honor and obey” his Russian wife..oh, what is she? Slovakian? Slovenian? Croatian? anyway, his foreign wife, Melanie. What he mean to say (and this is ONLY for Melanie’s lawyers ears) what he meant to say is that he would NOT “love, honor and obey”. Just to clarify.

So, in the future let us hope the FAKE NEWS stops reporting EXACTLY what President Trump actually says. Instead, show some class and report what he should have said or could have said.

I couldn’t have been more clear to you about what the best president ever says. When he says he didn’t mean to say what he said he said it should be clear that he didn’t say what you think he said even though he said it.

So, stop reporting on his WORDS. That is just not fair. Report on what he thinks he maybe should have said if he had not said what he said.

That is all. Get the hell out of here.

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Ending the Witch Hunt

Now that Mr Trump’s lawyer, Cohen the Fixer,  has had his home, hotel room and office raided by the FBI it is clear that the Witch Hunt has continued. Trump was really pissed of about this!

Mr Trump has been clear that the witch hunt directed against him must end. And I agree. Throughout history there have been many techniques for ending a witch hunt. So, I say, let’s do it. A return to the good old days.

Now, the real issue may revolve around exactly how to prove the president’s innocence. In a legitimate witch hunt, which Mr Trump correctly claims this is, there are many methods. Any  of which can prove that Mr Trump is not a witch.

The question is: Which witch trial is which and which witch trial is the one which will tell us if Trump is a witch and which kind of witch? It’s all so confusing.

I suggest one of the following tried and true methods.

Method one: The old boiling water routine. In this one Mr Trump will place his hand into a pot of boiling water and pick up something in the bottom of the pot. Something he really wants, like a little statue of Donald Trump. Then, after 3 days, if his hand is completely healed we know he is not a witch. If not healed…burn him.

Method two: Trial by fire. Two possible trials. In one, Mr Trump would walk barefoot over 9 feet of red hot coals. Examine his feet three days later and if they are healed he is not a witch. But, since Mr Trump has heel spurs, this one may not be fair to him. And witch hunts must be fair.

So, a second possible trial by fire. Mr Trump will grasp a red hot poker in one of his hands. It will have to be a small poker since he has tiny hands. After three days if his tiny hand has healed, he is not a witch. If his hand has not healed… burn him.

Method three. The dunking. Mr Trump will be placed in a burlap sack. It will be the best burlap sack ever produced. He will then be brought to the Potomac River and dumped in. If Mr Trump floats, he is witch and will be executed. If Mr Trump sinks he is not a witch. If anyone wants to, they can search downriver for the body. Or not. Whatever.

So, time to end this witch hunt once and for all. But, how do we decide which witch trial to use? Let Sarah Sanders decide which method is the best for determining whether or not Mr Trump is a witch. After all, who could be a better authority?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trial_by_ordeal

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