I See Dead People

Well, I heard that dead people are voting in Nevada. I heard this on America’s finest news source, Fox News ! So, I assume it must be true. The person making this claim did not have any evidence.

But that is not the point. At least for me. Whether the actual facts of the case are real or not is irrelevant. Not only to Fox, where all evidence is irrelevant, but to me.

Here’s why.

I am impressed. I am pleasantly surprised even. Dead people voting.

We don’t know WHO they voted for, but these dead folks evidently felt it was their patriotic duty to participate. To make their voices , or teeth chatters, heard.

In a nation where only about 60% of the population usually votes it is refreshing that the dead have taken the time and effort to fill in for the lazy bastards who don’t vote.

Now, we have no videos of dead people voting, which is odd since everything that happens nowadays is posted on Youtube within 3 minutes of the event. (See the pretty kitty playing with the birdy. Oops.) But, as the Oxford trained Senator Kennedy of Louisiana has said when asked about charges about Biden made without evidence: The absence of evidence is evidence.

So, to follow Senator Kennedy, the lack of video or other evidence of dead people voting in no way changes the fact that dead people have voted. Digest that. The absence of evidence is evidence.

That being the case, we can let our imaginations construct the probably scenario of dead people voting.

Since dead people are socially responsible they would certainly maintain social distancing in the voting line. (I say socially responsible because of the massive effort to get out of their graves. Getting out of a box buried by your family under ground is not easy. Take it from me.) Plus, wearing a mask hides the fact that their faces have long since rotted away. On the plus side, since they can’t breathe they could not infect anyone else. On the minus side what could be worse than contracting the covid when you are already dead? I mean, talk about piling it on.

After waiting politely in line for hours (what is time for a dead person, no job interviews to go to?) the zombie-like voter would approach the polling place. Of course, they would need to produce proof of identity. Can you prove you are Hester Mc Gillicutty? Easy. Here is my death certificate. Signed, sealed and dated, 1875.

Filling in the ballot may be a problem. But, poll workers are nothing if not creative. A rubber band would be enough to secure the Sharpie to the bony intermediate and proximal phalanges. So, the vote is recorded. Or kind of recorded. Without eyes they may fill in the ballot a little outside the bubble. Or outside the ballot completely.

Seems as though some folks are condemning the dead for voting. Not me. What a great example of civic responsibility. What a great role model for our youngsters and the newly deceased. I mean people were beaten and died for the right to vote. The living dead showing us the way.

So, let’s not condemn the dead. Let us celebrate their patriotism. Their devotion to the nation. And, after all, their brains have atrophied to the point of extinction. So, I guess we know who they voted for after all.

Massive Voter Fraud

We finally have proof of the massive Democrat voter fraud in this year’s election.

As President Donald Trump stated in an interview on November 14, 2018:

“The Republicans don’t win and that’s because of potentially illegal votes,” Trump said. “When people get in line that have absolutely no right to vote and they go around in circles. Sometimes they go to their car, put on a different hat, put on a different shirt, come in and vote again. Nobody takes anything. It’s really a disgrace what’s going on.”

 

https://www.vox.com/2018/11/14/18095592/trump-voter-fraud-disguises-cars-daily-caller-interview

I live here in Trump country where Donald had massive support and the GOP still does have massive support. So I know what Donald is talking about.

When I went to vote on Tuesday I carefully observed the 6 people in line. One that stood out was 98 year old Thelma Bumbleknickers.

I watched Thelma drive up to the parking lot at the rate of 16 MPH and park across 3 spaces. Then, she took out her walker and stumbled out of the car. She looked to the right and to the left, then she walked around in a circle three or four times  trying to locate the polling place.

Finally, she meandered up to the polling place and went in. I followed her. She had no ID because she had left her purse at home but that is not a problem in NY. She was on the voter rolls and everyone knew who she was, so they gave her a ballot which she held upside down and took into the booth.

Twenty  minutes later Thelma wandered out of the voting booth and handed her ballot to me. I turned it over to the poll worker who put in the machine. The electronic ballot counting device lit up like the winning numbers on a Vegas slot machine. Evidently Thelma had filled in every bubble for every name on the ballot. She then asked the poll worker if her card was the winning number and if she had won the “bingo” combination.

I followed Thelma to her Edsel, watching her walk in circles. She finally managed to get in, sat there for a few minutes and got out again. She put on her MAGA hat and a sweater. After all, it gets a bit chilly in NY in November.

Thelma then pulled out her walker, walked in circles and headed back to the polling place. The poll workers immediately recognized her and gave her a Sudoku puzzle. Thelma wandered into the voting booth and sure enough, 20 minutes later she emerged with all the squares checked of. She handed the puzzle to me. I handed it to the poll worker who smiled and set it aside.

Thelma then walked out and headed toward her car.

While I watched she proceeded to come in to “vote” three more times. Finally a poll worker walked her to her car and pointed to the road. Thelma drove off and proceeded to drive away at 18 MPH with a line of cars honking behind her.

I asked the poll worker about her attempts to vote so many times.

“Oh, that’s just Thelma”, he said, “she does this every election. Poor thing doesn’t have a clue”

So, Donald Trump is right. There are voters who walk around in circles, change their clothes  and hats and attempt to vote multiple times. They mean well. They don’t know any better. Folks without a clue.

We call them Republicans