Tag Archives: White House

Acceptance Speech Dilemma

Mr Trump, who has not allowed any opposition within the GOP to his nomination, has to decide where to make his acceptance speech. According to news sources has has narrowed down his choices to the White House and Gettysburg. Two of the most important sites in US history.

However, I have learned though White House sources that these are not the only two places under consideration. The White House brain trust of Donald Junior, Ivanka, Jeb the night janitor and Bobo the One Eyed chimp are looking at other options and their pros and cons. They have formed a committee to investigate the possible itinerary for the speech, the Committee to Investigate Territory Now, (Comintern). I was able to speak with the most articulate member of the Committee, Bobo just last night.

Me: Hi Bobo. So, have a banana. What can you tell me about the possible speech sites?

Bobo: Hoot..hoot…hoot. (Through our interpreter, Jane) We have good sites. Many good sites.

Me: For example, what is on your list?

(Note : For simplification the rest of Bobo’s account will eliminate his actual words or hoots. They are the words of the Interpreter. Also, for clarification, Bobo did consume 3 bunches of bananas during the process)

Bobo: First thought was Mount Rushmore. Maybe taking a jack hammer to Lincoln to make room for a carving of the best president ever. Imagine. Donald Trump making the speech below a massive carving of Donald Trump. It boggles.

Me: So, what else?

Bobo: Then we thought, well, this was Ivanka’s idea, maybe fly to China. Have a great photo op in one of Ivanka’s purse factories. Donald could be surrounded by smiling faces of happy kids . Happy because they have a 30 minute break (unpaid, of course). But Xi would not agree. So that got nixed.

Me: So, other options?

Bobo: We tossed around the idea of Florida. Anywhere in Florida. At any hospital. Donald would go into a Covid-19 ICU and spray the patients with Clorox bleach. Show some real leadership fighting the pandemic. But no hospital would give us permission. Something about the Hippocratic Oath. Guess there are a lot of hypocrites in Florida.

Me: So, that one went down the tubes. Any other possibilities?

Bobo: Donald Junior suggested a golf course. One of Trump’s own golf courses. What symbolizes a connection with the white working class better than a country club? Donald would drive out in a gold plated golf cart onto the first tee. He would be followed by Pence in a silver plated golf cart. Pence would lie down on the tee box, balance a golf ball on his nose and Donald would smack it into the fairway. Then, they would ride down to the green of the first hole, Pence always 5 lengths behind Donald. Donald would drive his cart right up to the hole, lean down and take out a golden golf ball with MAGA emblazoned on it. Then give the best speech ever. We had a minor problem when we practiced this one. Pence is still recovering at Walter Reed hospital. Thank god for Obamacare.

Me: Well, Bobo, I hate to say it, but you guys really haven’t come up with much.

Bobo: Think not? You haven’t heard our back up emergency plan.

Me: Emergency plan?

Bobo: Yep, if Donald keeps dropping in the polls. And if the Manhattan district attorney gets a hold of Trump’s tax returns. We will fly the entire family along with Roger Stone and Bill Barr to the Kremlin. Kindly ask permission for an audience with Donald’s boss. Then the Donald will drop to his knees and deliver his farewell address at the feet of Vlad. It’s the last resort, of course. But certainly an option.

Me: Well, if that happens there will be a lot of angry Americans. And even more happy ones.

Bobo: No kidding. One thing for sure. Once we land in Moscow, they will never see Air Force One again. Pass that banana over here, would ya?

 

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Embrace Your Race (ism)

It’s about time.

For many years the racists have had to hide in the shadows. Like slimy snakes in the grass. Like moles in their holes. Like cockroaches in the cracks. You get the picture.

Being a racist is as American as the melody of the Star Spangled Banner. Oh. Wait. That was actually the melody of an old English drinking song. But, you know what I mean.

The colonists were racist. The founding fathers were racist. Even Honest Abe, if he were to tell the truth, was a racist. Racism permeates the history of the American people.

Just in my lifetime we had the good old days of Jim Crow. Negroes drinking from the same public fountains as real Americans? Outrageous. Marrying white folks. Not in the good old days. Eating in a white restaurant? No gonna happen. Ah. Good times for all.

Then something happened. The socialists. The equal rights crowd. The PC police.

All of a sudden it was “wrong” to be a racist. There something “wrong” with lynching. It was “wrong” to tell taxpaying citizens they could not have the same rights as the rest of us. The communists trying to tell the rest of us how to live.

But, thank the good lord Jesus, times are a changing  back. Back to the good old days when racists didn’t have to hide, but wore their hoods with pride. I said “hoods”, not “hoodies”. Don’t be confused.

Now we finally have a real man in the White House. WHITE House. Not “Negro” House. Not “Person of Color” House. WHITE HOUSE. Built by white folks, for a white president. (OK, maybe the Negroes did help a little bit in building the White House, but they got room and board).

And our real man in the White House finally tells it like it is. Send them back. Ship em back to where they came from. Put on the hoods and take out the trash. No need to hide any longer. No need to pretend . No need to whisper your racist hate. The man at the top is on your side.

Embrace your racism. It’s a new day in America. The cockroaches no longer scatter when the lights come out. Welcome to Trump’s America.

 

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Sore Winners, Sore Whiners

In 2016 the folks who voted for Donald Trump got what they wanted. Donald Trump. The Republican party took control of the Senate, the House of Representatives, the White House and the Supreme Court.

Since the election Mr Trump and the Republican party have been able to name 2 new justices to the Supreme Court. These justices will help determine the laws for the next 30 years. They will likely overturn a woman’s right to choose. They will likely continue to support voter suppression laws. As promised.

Since the election Mr Trump and the Republican Party have passed a $1,500,000,000,000 tax cut, with $1,200,000,000,000 of that going to the top 1%. As promised.

Since the election Mr Trump and the Republican Party have done much to gut the Affordable Care Act and cut spending on social programs. They have gutted environmental protections. Sold public land to gas and oil and timber leases for corporate profit. Built the pipeline. Added billions to the military. As promised.

Since the election Mr Trump and the Republican Party have dropped out of the Global Warming agreements, dropped out of the US-Asian trade agreements, imposed tariffs on China and Europe and in general done everything possible to destroy international treaties and cooperation. As promised.

So, why are they so mad? Why are they so unhappy? Why are the Trump supporters still chanting “Lock Her Up”? Why are they frightened  all the time? Why do they fear 5 year old Honduran girls? Why so much hate? Why so much whining and complaining?

They wanted a conman, a xenophobe and a racist. They got it. They wanted a political party that suppressed the votes of minorities and that redefined American as “white”, not “diverse”. They got it. They wanted a political party that put profits ahead of people. They got it.

So why the whining? The Republican Party and Donald Trump have had complete control of the political process for 2 years and have accomplished almost everything they wanted. So, why the whining?

There is nothing they cannot make a law about. So, why the whining?

Never in US history have so many “winners” turned into so many “whiners”.

It would be interesting to find out why the folks who won the last election are so miserable.

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And Nobody Came

Back in the days of the Vietnam War there was a poster that was famous.

It read: What if they gave a war and nobody came.

Yesterday’s massive march for the right wing made me think of that poster.

You see, yesterday was the one year anniversary of the Charlottesville Nazi and KKK march. It was during that march that a young woman was murdered by a coward driving his car into her. It was that march that prompted Mr Trump to say that there were fine people on both sides. A whole lot of fine Nazis. And Klan members.

For the Trump-Nazi-KKK coalition this was just the first step. The new movement was taking hold. A new wave of ultra right wing White Power bigotry was going to sweep America.

So, a year later, we have the right wing setting out to demonstrate at out nation’s capital. To demonstrate the strength of the “movement”. We all braced for the thousands of racists and white “nationalists” intent on the show of power. Intent on making America White again . (Of course, anyone with a 4th grade education knows America was never “white” to begin with).

The great “Unite the Right” (or more aptly “Unite the White”) rally was held yesterday. And in a nation of 330,000,000 or so people the rally attracted thousands. Well, the thousands were actually protesting the rally.

The “Unite the White’ rally ended up with not even two dozen men and one woman. Fewer than 25 people marching for racism and White Power. There were 3 times as many journalists covering the non-event. So much for the “mass movement” of hate they hoped to engender. Americans are better than that.

So, what if they gave a White Power rally and nobody showed up…except the press and protesters against the rally? Must have some very sad racists hanging their heads today. The balloon of racism they hoped to share with other , decent Americans, was POPPED. Some very, very sad racists. And at least one lives in the White House.

https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2018/08/unite-the-right-fizzles-amid-a-boisterous-counter-protes/567374/

 

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Trump-Kim Summit Success!

Donald Trump and Kim Jong Un will meet in two days for the big summit.  Usually we have to wait until after an event to get a reliable statement about what happened. However, in the days of “alternative facts” that is no longer necessary.

I will save you the agony of waiting to see how this meeting turned out. After all, what actually happens is secondary to what we are told happens. Knowing this saves a lot of time and anxiety. So here it is.

The official White House statement, followed by Mr Trump’s tweets.

From: The White House

Regarding: The Successful Summit with Kim Jong Un

The fantastic President Trump and the most honorable Kim Jong Un reached agreement on a number of issues. An historic agreement. An agreement for all time.

Kim has agreed to give up all his nuclear weapons. Every one. They will be destroyed. The international community will be provided with pictures of the destroyed weapons by the North Korean government as proof. Kim has also agreed to allow all political prisoners free, after a review by his court system. The North Korean government will provide an artist’s conception of an empty prison cell as proof. Kim also promised, on his brother’s grave, he will never try to invade South Korea.

President Trump gave up nothing. He looked Kim in the eye and the little guy folded. This is the greatest negotiation in the history of negotiations. Everyone agrees!

(End of statement)

Trump tweets on Air Force One coming home..

“Little Kim folded like an accordion. Gave up his nukes. Greatest negotiation in history.”

” Just took away all Kim’s nukes. Obama could not do it. BIG FAILURE. I did it. Forced Kim to give in. Greatest deal in history!  Many people say so. I don’t say it, but many people do!”

” Plan to build Trump Tower in Pongoyango, Korea’s capital. It will be fantastic. Biggest tower ever. Kim will finance it. Ivanka will run it. Beautiful girl. That’s what people say.”

“Little Kim is a liar . He PROMISED to give up his nukes. Now he says, maybe. Tower may be on hold. Beautiful tower planned. Now on hold. Kim doesn’t want to pay. Sad.”

“North Korea deal off the table. Obama’s fault. Obama should have bombed North Korea long ago. Soft on crime. Obama was very weak. Sad. Weak man. No deal with Kim. Except the tower. Still building Trump Tower Pongoyango. Mattress sale coming soon!”

 

 

 

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