Now that Mr Trump’s lawyer, Cohen the Fixer, has had his home, hotel room and office raided by the FBI it is clear that the Witch Hunt has continued. Trump was really pissed of about this!
Mr Trump has been clear that the witch hunt directed against him must end. And I agree. Throughout history there have been many techniques for ending a witch hunt. So, I say, let’s do it. A return to the good old days.
Now, the real issue may revolve around exactly how to prove the president’s innocence. In a legitimate witch hunt, which Mr Trump correctly claims this is, there are many methods. Any of which can prove that Mr Trump is not a witch.
The question is: Which witch trial is which and which witch trial is the one which will tell us if Trump is a witch and which kind of witch? It’s all so confusing.
I suggest one of the following tried and true methods.
Method one: The old boiling water routine. In this one Mr Trump will place his hand into a pot of boiling water and pick up something in the bottom of the pot. Something he really wants, like a little statue of Donald Trump. Then, after 3 days, if his hand is completely healed we know he is not a witch. If not healed…burn him.
Method two: Trial by fire. Two possible trials. In one, Mr Trump would walk barefoot over 9 feet of red hot coals. Examine his feet three days later and if they are healed he is not a witch. But, since Mr Trump has heel spurs, this one may not be fair to him. And witch hunts must be fair.
So, a second possible trial by fire. Mr Trump will grasp a red hot poker in one of his hands. It will have to be a small poker since he has tiny hands. After three days if his tiny hand has healed, he is not a witch. If his hand has not healed… burn him.
Method three. The dunking. Mr Trump will be placed in a burlap sack. It will be the best burlap sack ever produced. He will then be brought to the Potomac River and dumped in. If Mr Trump floats, he is witch and will be executed. If Mr Trump sinks he is not a witch. If anyone wants to, they can search downriver for the body. Or not. Whatever.
So, time to end this witch hunt once and for all. But, how do we decide which witch trial to use? Let Sarah Sanders decide which method is the best for determining whether or not Mr Trump is a witch. After all, who could be a better authority?