Biden Exposed

Painful as it was I decided to watch the last debate between what one of my friends calls “The Madman” and Joe Biden. OK. I really didn’t watch the ENTIRE debate. I am not a masochist. But I took in some highlights.

Boy am I glad I did. I got to discuss the debate with my friend Booby LaTrobe, an avid Trump supporter. I must admit, the revelations about the crooked Biden family were Earth shattering.

Booby: So, Joe, how about that debate. Donald really pasted Biden to the wall . Exposed all his 47 years of illegal activity.

Me: Well, ok, Booby. Can you fill me in? I kept switching between the debate and reruns of Green Acres. Gotta love that Eva Gabor. Or was it Zsa Zsa?

Booby: Well, Trump nailed him on his ties to China. Wammo.

Me: Oh. Well, what did he say?

Booby: Biden is a crook and has ties to China. Been taking money from China for years. That’s why My President had to open a bank acocunt in China. To spy on Biden. What a crook.

Me: Wow. So how much did Biden take from China? I mean, we know know Trump took $15,000,000 out of China as president. How much did Biden take?

Booby: That’s how clever he is. We don’t know. Could have been billions BILLIONS! But we don’t know because there is no record of it. Pretty clever, heh?

ME: So…there is no record of Biden taking any money from China, but Trump says he did.Is that what you are saying?

Booby: Got it! Also, what about those Hunter Biden emails? Explain that one. Biden couldn’t explain ANYTHING about those emails. He had nothing to say.

Me: Well, what was in the emails? Where did they come from? Explain.

Booby: You’ll like this one. Hunter Biden, master criminal, gave his computer to some guy in 2019 to work on it. A guy he never heard of and had never done business with. A computer with all kinds of incriminating emails on it. Just oodles. He just gave it to this random computer guy. Well, the guy decided to make copies of all the emails. You know, photocopies. So, they must be real! I mean, you can’t fake a photocopy!

Me; OK, so what was in these emails?

Booby: Bad stuff. Lots of bad stuff. Just like Hillary’s . Those emails are so important that the guy tried to sell them to Giuliani for $5,000,000 !

Me: Can you be specific?

Booby: One of the emails says there was a meeting between Joe Biden and some company in the Ukraine. WOW! A blockbuster.

Me: And, what happened?

Booby: Don’t you get it? How dumb are you? A MEETING! A MEETING! Between Joe Biden and someone in the Ukraine! There may have been a MEETING. It’s all there on the photocopy of the emails printed out by the guy who tried to sell them for $5 million. It’s obvious.

Me: Well, I just don’t get it. But, Booby, there is one question you can maybe answer. I heard Trump accuse Biden of selling pillows and sheets. What was that all about?

Booby: You have to keep up with these scandals. You are the most uninformed guy I know. While he was vice president Biden sold sheets and pillows on Ebay! Some were white, some were colored. Amazing scandal. He had a website called : Biden’s Bedroom Supplies and Stuff.

Me: I find that one hard to beleive.

Booby: Well, believe this, my friend. Biden got the sheets cheap from China! Then he sold them here for a profit! 25 cents a sheet, 50 cents profit on each pillow! But here’s the kicker. He used to charge $1 more for shipping than it actually cost him. BINGO. Got em. Crooked all the way.

Me: Well, Booby, as usual it’s been an education. Now can you send me any evidence of anything you just said? Any documentation? Anything at all.

Booby: Well, Trump said it. And I saw it on Fox. So, what more do you need?

Me: Seems to me, Booby, that someone is trying to sell you and your friends the “Brooklyn Bridge”, if you know what I mean.

Booby: HA! That’s where I’m way ahead of you. Me and my friends already bought 10% of the Brooklyn Bridge from some guy named Bannon. He showed us his owner’s certificate. We had to buy it before the Bidens swooped down with their bags of cash. Beat him to the punch.

Hiring Amy

I was looking for a contractor to dig a new foundation the other day and I came across Amy Coney Barrett. Contractor extraordinaire. Referred by Don the Con Construction Advisory Panel. So I had her come in and do an estimate.

Me: Hello Amy, I am happy to see you. So, what is your experience as a contractor?

Amy: I am certified as a contractor by Home Advisor and the Federalist Society.

Me: OK. So, need you to provide some references.

Amy: Certainly, just look at my website. It is all about me .

Me: I did that already. Yes, well your website says you are a contractor and that you are an honest contractor. No examples of your work. But, do you have any references from places you have done work for in the past?

Amy: That is a good question. I am well aware that references exist and that references are something that all contractors should have. However, divulging references at this point may prematurely influence your decision to hire me. However, at some time in the future I may or may not divulge references.

Me: I see. Well how many foundations have you dug and what kinds of materials do you use?

Amy: Excellent, thoughtful question. As you may or may not know, there are many types of foundations. It is important to find the type of foundation that best fits every individual’s needs. Some foundations are better than others. There are a variety of styles of foundations. As well as sizes.

Me: Ok. So what kind of foundations have you constructed in the past.

Amy: I would like to answer that question as fully as possible. I am certified to build foundations of many types and styles. At this time I cannot really commit to any one foundation, although I can assure you that I will faithfully build a foundation. Foundations are the foundation upon which buildings are built. Before I can discuss a foundation I will need you to sign my contract. Here is my contract.

Me: (Reading the contract). Hmm. Ok, it says here that I am hiring you for life. That is a pretty big commitment.

Amy: Yes. Before I can start to explain what a foundation is and what I may or may not build, I need a lifetime commitment from you that I will be the sole contractor you ever hire. And I will be paid regularly, of course, for the rest of my life. Whether or not I actually build any foundation is not the issue. It is the lifetime guarantee of employment that is important.

Me: I see. Well, so, can you tell me what you plan to build the foundation out of, before I sign the contract. And are there any guarantees on my end?

Amy: That is a good question. I would like to explain to you exactly what I do and how I will do it. However, to do so may influence how I make my foundation building decisions in the future. Certainly that would be unfair to any future construction. Premature. Just sign.

Me: Well, what about guarantees? What if the foundation collapses or leaks?

Amy: Interesting point. In the past there have been some contractors who would guarantee their work. In that case there is a guarantee. In other cases there is no guarantee. I feel it is premature to discuss any guarantee until you have signed and returned the contract to me. At that time I may, or may not, discuss guarantees.

Me: What about foundations you have dug in the past? Can you give me some addresses so I can look at them.

Amy: A very astute question. Which I think I already answered. Delving into the past is not needed. Whatever I may or may not have built in the past is not important. What is important is the future. I keep an open mind on each foundation I dig. If I dig foundations. Which I do. Or maybe I don’t .Can’t discuss it until the contract is signed.

Me: So, you want me to give you a job for life even though I have no idea how you are going to build a foundation or if you will guarantee your work. Or even if you will show up at all?

Amy: Well, to be clear. As I said in the past and I will say in the future. A contract is a contract and a guarantee is a guarantee. That said, I cannot commit at this time to the actual building of the foundation until the contract is signed. At that point I will open to discussions of all contractual arrangements.

Me: What if the foundation collapses and harms or kills my wife or kids.

Amy: That is a good question and I would like to discuss it now. However, any discussion of possible damages or injuries may be premature. There is nothing in the original Constitution that requires me to build a foundation that will not collapse. I refer you the the original document.

Me: Ok. Sounds like a good deal to me. I will give you a lifetime contract. You will not answer any questions about your past foundations or plans for building my foundation. You accept no responsibility for faulty work. I guess I could sign.

Amy: Good. Sign here and here and here. Ok. I will be back sometime in the future to perhaps perform a function for which you will pay me for the rest of my life. As for now, I have another appointment. Don’t call me, I’ll call you.

Me: Thanks Amy. Sure is good to know I am in the hands of an honest professional.