The Verdict Is In

The Evening News, August 3, 2043

Good evening, this is Herbert Herbert with the evening news. 

Our top story today. 

The Trump trials are finally coming to an end.

For those of you too young or disinterested to recall we have a brief rundown of the Trump trials.

Following the 2020 election which then President Trump lost, his team went to court over 50 times to try to overturn the results. All those attempts failed.

On January 6, 2021 President Trump called his supporters to a
“Stop the Steal” rally in Washington, DC. While Congress was officially recognizing Joe Biden as the winner of the election, Trump called on his supporters to march to the Capitol Building or they would not have a country. 

The Capitol was attacked and ransacked. Police were attacked and injured. One woman was shot and killed  attempting to breach the House chambers. Over 1,000 insurrectionists were convicted and sentenced to jail time. The coup d’etat failed.

Subsequent investigations into Trump and his businesses led to a number of court cases. 

A DC trial for insurrection. A Florida trial for the theft of government documents, including top secret ones.  A business corruption trial in NY. A trial in Georgia for his attempt to change the votes in that state. A sexual abuse trial in NY.

In the civil trials Trump and his organization were required to pay large fines.

However, the criminal trials were delayed. Motions by the Trump lawyers in those cases caused multiple delays as judges tried to decide the validity of claims.

In 2024 the US Supreme Court  ruled that , as President, Trump was immune from prosecution for any “official acts”. They then ruled that since there was no definition of “official acts” in the US Constitution, it was incumbent on the US prosecutor to prove the actions of Trump were not official acts.

After lengthy appeals and appeals the prosecutor demonstrated that Trump’s acts were not “official  acts” since the president has no role in determining the results of elections.

In 2025 the SCOTUS, hearing an appeal by Trump,  ruled that the Prosecutor had not made his case and referred the matter back to lower courts. At the same time they ruled that all Trump criminal trials must be delayed until a final adjudication of the issue.

In 2027, responding to a number of Trump appeals, the SCOTUS ruled that Trump could be tried for the Mar-A-Lago documents case because he was not president when he had the top secret documents in his possession. At that point Judge Cannon of Florida set a final trial date in the documents case for July, 2029.

Meanwhile the Trump team had previously appealed the Georgia trial on the grounds that one of the cousins of the court clerk had a previous social interaction with the pet dog of a friend of Fani Willis. After a thorough 1 year investigation the court ruled that the dog had to be put up for adoption to allay any appearance of conflict of interest.

So, by 2031 no criminal trial had begun.

In 2035 Trump argued that the three criminal trials conflicted with each other and so all should be delayed until the Trump lawyers had a chance to decide which trial would go first. After appeals to the Court of Appeals were denied, the SCOTUS agreed to hear the case. They placed it on their docket for the Fall of 2037.

Finally, in 2038 the trial dates were set. Trump appealed the requirement that the trial be held 5 days a week due to religious reasons. He was a longstanding (2 week) member of the Kirshner Bible Church. One of the tenets of the church is that members may only be in a courtroom 1 day a week.

In 2039 the SCOTUS overruled the lower courts and held that forcing Trump to attend the trials more than one day a week violated his sacred right to freedom of worship. But the trials may proceed on that basis.

After being convicted in the Mar-A-Lago trial, judge Cannon set aside the verdict and imposed a not guilty verdict from the bench. On appeal the SCOTUS upheld her decision.

In 2041 the convictions in the DC Insurrection case and the Georgia Election Interference case were obtained by prosecutors.

The Trump legal team immediately appealed  and he was allowed out on his own without bail.

In the end the SCOTUS held that the verdicts in all Trump criminals must be set aside and that Trump could not be charged again in any criminal court.

Writing for the majority, Justice Clarence Thomas (I know, but he is still alive, kind of) stated,”…it is OUTRAGEOUS that this poor man has been the subject of these witch hunts for so many years. Our sacred and holy Constitution gives every citizen the right to a “speedy trial”. The fact that it took the government all these years to finally bring these cases to trial is a travesty . It makes a mockery of our system of justice…”

So, there you have it . Finally in 2043 we have turned the page on the final chapter of the saga of the Trump trials. As he prepares for another run for the highest office in the land.

Herbert Herbert signing off.

MAGA Limericks

MAGA Limericks

The Trump

Once was an orange con named Trump,

Every woman he wanted to hump.

When Stormy he paid,

Just to get laid,

She laughed at his miniscule stump.

Miz Greene

A refined young lady named Greene,

Loved to show pictures obscene.

She fondled a pic,

Of young Hunter’s dick,

The biggest she ever had seen.

The Patriots

The election’s a fraud they all think,

To the Capitol making a stink.

Insurrection they tried,

Cuz Donald had lied,

And now they are all in the clink.

Matt the Creep

Florida Man wanted a chance,

To get into any girl’s pants.

So he went to 10th grade,

And arrangements were made,

For a date to the Homecoming Dance.

SCOTUS

On the Bible they spoke oh so clever

Settled law? “Oh we won’t change it ever.”

But wouldn’t you know,

They got rid of old Roe,

Laughing “Suckers, we’re now here forever”.

 

Moms For Liberty

It’s freedom for parents we need.

Freedom is our special creed.

Except when it looks,

Like we don’t like some books.

Then I’ll tell YOUR kids what they can read.

 

Election Deniers

These election results are a sin.

We never, no never, give in.

Elections are jokes,

And Democrat hoax,

Except for the ones that we win.

 

Voter Suppression

I happen to think it is great,

That democracy is what we all hate.

Certain voters suppress,

Put them under duress

Only MAGats can vote in my state

The Bullet that Saved America

On January 6, 2021 the thugs had the upper hand.

They had broken into the Capitol building. They had beaten police. They had broken windows. They had crapped on the floor. They had flown the flag of traitors.

They had one goal.

To stop democracy. Their leader had been badly defeated in an election, yet he refused to cede power. The duly elected Congress was set to certify the election results. To make official what was real.

But if the mob could stop the Congress they could overturn the will of the people.

The plot was obvious. Hang Mike Pence. Kill Nancy Pelosi. Take over the Congress. Kill as many representatives of the people as they could get their hands on.

Then their man could step in. He could claim that the nation was in crisis. He could install marshal law. For the good of the nation. He could claim that Joe Biden had never been officially certified as the next president. He could claim that he would need to be in charge until all of this chaos could subside. Only he could fix it. He would never leave office. Democracy would be dead.

It might have worked. It was a clever plan. After all, he might have the support of the Supreme Court, where he had appointed one-third of the members. Or he might not. No matter, he would ignore the courts just as he had ignored the Constitution.

If only his thugs could stop the Congress from affirming the election. All he needed was a delay. A little time.

So, while the thugs attacked democracy their leader watched on TV. Encouraged. Delighted. Hopeful. All was going as planned. All they needed to do was break through one more door.

One door, barricaded and held by a handful of police, was all that stood between dictatorship and democracy. One door whose glass was shattered by the mob. A mob that had overrun the police and were banging and smashing all that stood in their way.

The glass shattered. An opening appeared. A hole in the dike. Enough for one thug to slip through, then another, then another, than a wave of thugs. One small chance to destroy Congress and turn democracy on its head. The world turned upside down.

In 1837 the poet Ralph Waldo Emerson penned a verse about the brave farmers of New England in 1775. Who stood up to the forces of the divinely ordained king in the name of democracy. A “shot heard round the world”.

On January 6, 2021 a Capitol police lieutenant named Michael Byrd stood alone. The only patriot standing between the thugs and democracy. Facing the mob he stood, gun in hand. Alone. He could not let them pass. He would not let them pass.

The door was breached. The thugs, determined to destroy American democracy, had finally broken through.

So Lt. Byrd aimed and fired. “A shot heard round the world”.

A thug fell. And the other thugs retreated. They fell back. As cowards always do when confronted . Congress was saved. Pence was saved. Pelosi was saved. America was saved.

Lt. Michael Byrd, just a normal American cop who had done his duty. Undone the plot to destroy democracy. Stopped the thugs in their tracks.

The bullet that saved America.

Bamboo-zled

There is an audit going on in Maricopa County. The audit is being performed to make sure that all the votes cast for president in Maricopa County, Arizona were legal. In order to try to understand exactly what is going on I have contacted my boyhood friend, Teddy “The Hammer” Flortasky who is one of the auditors. Here is what I discovered in my ZOOM interview.

Me: Hi Teddy, how are you doing.

Teddy: I am doing fine. By the way, I prefer that you call me by my nickname, “The Hammer”.

Me: OK, Hammer. I often wondered how you go that nickname. Were you a football lineman who “hammered” your opponent? Or were you on the wrestling team , with a patented “hammer” move? Or on the track team, throwing the “hammer”? I don’t recall you participating in those areas.

The Hammer: Nah, none of those. I was given that nickname by my father. As a teenager I helped him in the workshop. He had me get his tools. One day he was building a box and needed to pound in some nails. He told me to go get a tool. I brought back a screwdriver. He said, “No, I am pounding in nails”. So, I went and brought him a pair of pliers. He said, “No, I am pounding in nails”. So, I went and found a saw and brought it to him. He got angry and shouted,”The hammer, the hammer”. So, that nickname stuck. I kinda liked it.

Me: OK . So, you are now auditing the Maricopa County ballots, but haven’t they already been counted twice?

TH: Well, the fact is that those official audits were done by the state election officials. Can’t believe them. We know Trump won Arizona so obviously the recounts were not fair. When we finish the recount I can guarantee that Trump has won.

Me: Well, what are your qualifications for doing the audit. I mean, the previous audits were done in public by impartial trained auditors. You are behind closed doors with a private company. With untrained, partisan auditors. In secret. So, what is your training.

TH: I work for the Cyber Ninjas. Do you know what Ninjas are? They are best fighters. They understand Q’Anon. So, that is proof right there. They are the best. You can tell by the name. What training do I have? What training do I need? I am a proud American . I can count. In third grade I got the gold star for counting. Anyway, my job is not to count the ballots. My boss told me my job was to NOT count the bad ballots. We must not count bad ballots.

ME: How do you know a ballot is bad? I mean, haven’t they already been verified? What is a bad ballot?

TH: So happy you asked. I have been trained to spot bad ballots. First, any ballot that was filled out for Biden is likely to be a bad ballot. We set that one aside. If it looks like maybe the person meant to vote for Trump but made a mistake and voted for Biden, we count that as a Trump vote. Now, other Biden ballots must be thoroughly examined for bamboo.

ME: Bamboo? Why bamboo? What does bamboo have to do with anything?

TH: Boy are you naive. We know, for a fact, that over 40,000 ballots filled out for Biden were shipped to Maricopa County by some Asian people. And , coincidentally, Biden won the county by 40,000 votes. Do the math. Wait, let me get my calculator…. wait…. and subtract….. So, my calculator tells me that those 40,000 votes, if taken away from Biden, gives him 40,000 fewer votes in Arizona. And voila! Trump wins. But, back to bamboo. These bamboo ballots must have come from Asia, since that is the only place bamboo grows. Figure it out. Ballots with bamboo. Asia. It’s obvious.

ME: Have you found any bamboo in any ballots? How do you check for that?

TH: Easy, hold it up to the light. If it’s a Biden ballot it probably has bamboo. It has bamboo, it must be from Asia. Must be from Asia, throw it out. Figure it out. Bamboo is bad. UnAmerican.

ME: Actually, there are bamboo groves in other countries, not just in Asian countries.

TH: Maybe so, but not in the good old US of A, my friend. So, no matter where, the ballots are fake if they have bamboo.

ME: There are bamboo groves in the US, so maybe the bamboo paper came from the USA?

TH: Maybe, but only in the liberal states. So, it would be liberal bamboo. See my point.

ME: There are at least 4 bamboo groves in Hawaii. Pipiwai Trail, Manoa Trail, Makaleha Trail and the Allerton Botanical Garden all have bamboo groves.

TH: See, you prove my point, no bamboo in the USA.

ME: OK…But there are also bamboo forests in the Wilderness Bamboo Forest in Alabama, The Koreshan State Park in Florida, and the East Palisades Trail in Georgia. In fact, there are 3 species of bamboo that are native to the United States. So, how to you know where the bamboo comes from. It even grows in Arizona.

TH: You see how devious the Democrats are? Not only did they use Asian bamboo, but they also used American bamboo to fool people like you. You need to just look at the facts. Trump won. We know it. Now, it’s just a matter of time before we prove it. Don’t be fooled by evidence.

With that we signed off on ZOOM and The Hammer went back to holding up Biden ballots to the light, searching for Asian bamboo. And you know what. I think they are going to find at least 40,000 ballots to throw out. It wouldn’t be the first time we have been bamboozled.

Farewell Address, 2021

Many presidents give a farewell address when they leave office. Washington warned about entangling alliances for the young, weak republic. Eisenhower warned about the military-industrial complex, whose power we see flexed daily. Clinton outlined his accomplishments and called for national unity.

Some of Mr Trump’s advisors have been encouraging him to follow suit. He should speak to the American people about his accomplishments and thoughts about the future.

One of the last members of the administration still working at the White House happens to be a dear friend. He is the advisor to the keeper of the First Lady’s closet and information director for the chauffeur of Don Trump , Junior’s wife’s mother. (A lot of vacancies at this time require multiple posts to be filled). He is also the top speech writer for Kelly Anne Conway, Sean Hannity, Bobo the Talking Chimp and President Trump. I know, it sounds redundant.

At any rate, he leaked the Trump “Final Address to the Nation by the Best President Ever and Ever Will Be. Maybe the Final, Maybe Not.””

Here goes:

My fellow Americans, 4 years ago I promised to rid this government of experts, intelligent advisors, men and women of character and decency. And I succeeded. MAGA.

My accomplishments, which are the best accomplishments ever in the history of the world are amazing. That’s not what I say. That’s what people say. Many fine people. So many people say that. So many.

I have transformed this country from one where decency and honest disagreements can be fought on the battle ground of ideas, to one where real patriots fight on the steps of the Capitol. I won. I won. I won.

My followers have shown us what America CAN be if we follow my path. From the torch lit nights in Charlottesville filled with many fine people, to the patriots who beat to death the police officer in the Capitol. From the knee on the neck of George Floyd to the cages used to house children ripped from their parents arms. Brown children. We are now living in MY America. I love em all. Give em hell.

But enough about me. Let me talk about my accomplishments over the last 4 years.

I have packed the court with radical judges that will, for generations to come, repress the liberty of women and the communists. No president has ever made so many judges. I don’t know many of them. But Mitch handed me a list and I did my duty. I did what I was told and how does he repay me!

I promised to build a wall to keep out the brown skinned Mexicans and others. I built over 400 miles. Well, I built 40 new miles, the other 360 miles was substituting new wall for barricades that already existed. And Mexico is paying for it. I promise. We are paying these wonderful contractors now, but eventually Mexico will pay. They will. Eventually. Just like I promised.

I hired the best cabinet ever. With no regard for expertise, training or capability, I assembled a cabinet full of sycophants, liars, grifters and clowns never seen before in America. A millionaire Education secretary that knew nothing about education. Some Chinese woman married to Mitch who knew nothing about transportation. Some black guy who used to be a doctor, I put him in charge of Housing for the Negroes. (That’s why the Negroes love me). And a few of my appointees still have NOT been indicted for grifting . The BEST people. MAGA

I became good friends with Kim Jung Un and now he has promised to end his nuclear program. I love that little guy. He just added some nukes on submarines and is developing short range missiles that can hit targets in South Korea. And long range ones to target the USA. But he promised not to use them. A victory for me. Anyway, that’s Biden’s problem.

I took us out of the Climate Change Agreements and Iran nuclear deal. A couple hoaxes . Now, the evil Iranians are developing new nuclear capabilities, just as I predicted. And there is no climate change, it’s still winter in some places. I don’t see any polar bears in Florida, do you? Duh. Two more victories for me.

Now, about the economy. In my first 3 years, BEFORE the Chinese virus, my massive tax breaks to the wealthy created almost as many jobs as the Negro did in his last three years. Almost. And I leave you with the highest unemployment data since the Great Depression !! The so-called experts said it couldn’t be done, but I am the first president in modern times to leave office with fewer Americans employed than when he took office ! MAGA

I told you that fake pandemic would disappear and it has. Almost 400,000 dead Americans, and with each death another virus dies. That’s how you kill a virus. Plus, I had the virus and now it is gone! So, what’s the problem? The Chinese virus was just an attempt to make me look bad. It has disappeared from all my speeches and comments. Where is it? Where did it go? Who knows? Can’t find it.

As in regard to my good friend, Vlad Putin. We had many great meetings. People said they were the best meetings ever. Imagine that? The best ever. No one gives Vlad better meetings than me. No one. Even the Politiburo said so. I wish I could share with you the notes for those meetings. But they got lost.

So, as I leave the White House as the first president elected TWICE in a landslide I leave you with this thought. In 1923 a patriot in Bavaria named Adolph led a mob and tried to violently overthrow the government. He failed. He went to prison but was quickly pardoned. 10 years later he became the chancellor of the German republic.

So take heart. Anything is possible in politics. And keep those torches burning, it ain’t over by a long shot. MAGA

The Super Bowl Jets

The New York Jets are having a bad year. So, being a scoundrel, I thought I would rub some salt into the wound of my friend, Jim Bob Googly, a rabid Jets fan. So, I gave him a call.

Me: Howdy Jim Bob. Are you still living in the trailer behind the trailer in the Lubbock, Texas Trailer Park for the Mentally Illogical?

JB: Yepper, Joey, old boy. You suck.

Me: Just called to offer my condolences. Looks like the guys you follow are in the toilet this year.

JB: Whattya talkin about?

Me: I am talking about the New York Jets “football” team. Although I am not sure why a hick from Texas would be supporting a crappy team from New York.

JB: I hate New York, but I make an exception in the Jets case. They are the richest team out there. Major bucks. Best team ever. More money than any other team. By far. I back the winner!

ME: Well, the Jets are actually the 6th most valuable franchise, down 11% from last year. They are behind Dallas, New England, New York Giants, Los Angeles Rams and San Francisco. Still, 6th is pretty good.

JB: Bullshit. Fake news. The Jets are the tops. Don’t be fooled by the mainstream media.

Me: Whatever. You do know that the Jets have not won a single game this year, don’t you? They are 0 for 13. Major losers.

JB: That’s what the TV says. I don’t believe it. Fake news.

Me: The record is clear. The Jets could join the 2017 Cleveland Browns and the 2008 Detroit Lions as two of the worst franchises in history. They could suffer a massive defeat. In fact, they already are among the worst of all time.

JB: That’s what you say. I beg to differ, you moron. The Jets have won EVERY game this year. They are 13-0. The Jets are headed to the Super Bowl this year.

ME: Well, the Super Bowl is in February and the Jets are already mathematically eliminated from the playoffs. So, there is NO WAY they can be in the Super Bowl. Can’t happen.

FB: FALSE. There are a lot of ways the Jets can win the Super Bowl. Plenty of ways. It’s only December and the Super Bowl isn’t played until February. Boy are you stupid. Anything could happen.

Me: Well, no. It’s mathematics. They have won no games and there are only 3 games left. Even if they win all three games left they will still be last place in their division. They cannot possibly be in the Super Bowl.

JB: Mainstream media nonsense. Just because YOU say they can’t win the Super Bowl doesn’t mean anything. Not to mention your fake mathematics. Just wait. Anything can happen.

ME: Ok. So tell me HOW it would be possible?

JB: Lots of ways. Ways you know nothing about. Behind the scenes. There was a lot of fraud in the Jets losses. We are going to get those losses overturned by the commissioner. The real scores will show that the Jets won all their games. They didn’t lose a single one. 13-0. You’ll see.

Me: Well, Jim Bob, I wish you luck. But come February the New York Jets will not be on that field. I can guarantee it.

JB: That’s the problem with you liberals. It’s all “math” this and “science” that and “facts”. You have no imagination. I suppose you think Sasquatch is not real, as well. Mark my words, the New York Jets will win the Super Bowl. So, stop lying ! In fact, I already bought my tickets. Front row seats behind the Jets bench. I got them for only 50 bucks from a guy online selling them from Pennsylvania Avenue. Guaranteed.

Bats in the Belfry

There was a definite scratching noise above our heads. It was in the attic, right above the bedroom. So, in February we called in a mouse and rat exterminator.

He climbed into the attic and looked around. No. No mice. No rats. We had bats. Bats in the attic.

He suggested a company that takes out bats since in NY there are laws. Only a certified person can take out bats. Bats are protected so they can’t be killed. Which is fine with me. I like bats. The two little guys who live in the barn do a great job of insect control on the summer. But bats in the house. Not so much.

So , after the covid subsided somewhat we called in the bat people. A three day job. As they explained it.

First, safely remove the bats. (As luck would have it the bats had already left, but the toxic droppings remained).

Second, remove all the bat droppings and all the insulation.

Fumigate to kill any residual bat remains.

Close up all the holes where the bats might have entered.

Replace the insulation with new insulation.

And then, voila, a bat free, toxic free attic.

We have bats in the attic of the nation. The Trump family bats. The Republican cowardly bats. Batshit crazy. Bat dangerous. And there is only one solution.

As of January 20 we will have removed the major infestation. It will be gone, hopefully never to return. But to make sure we need to do some more work. Because other bats remain.

We need to clean up the shit infested mess left by the bat family. Clean up and fumigate. Get rid of the mess. Throw it out. Take it to the dump.

We need to put down new insulation. Insulation against idiocy and alternative facts. Insulation from Fox and Newsmax. The insulation of science. A thick layer of science. The old insulation of science was stained and weakened by the bats. We need to renew.

Then we need to plug the holes. We need to close up the avenues by which batshit politicians can enter the house. Seal it up. Make it bat proof. But that depends on the voters.

Joe Biden and Kamala Harris have thrown out the bats. But the work is just beginning. Trump and his batshit family are still going to fly around and crawl back into the attic. His pack of batshit followers are still trying to dirty up the house. Where they can continue to do unseen damage to the house. Undermining democracy.

The bats need to be caged. Permanently. I don’t know how. But it needs to be done.

I See Dead People

Well, I heard that dead people are voting in Nevada. I heard this on America’s finest news source, Fox News ! So, I assume it must be true. The person making this claim did not have any evidence.

But that is not the point. At least for me. Whether the actual facts of the case are real or not is irrelevant. Not only to Fox, where all evidence is irrelevant, but to me.

Here’s why.

I am impressed. I am pleasantly surprised even. Dead people voting.

We don’t know WHO they voted for, but these dead folks evidently felt it was their patriotic duty to participate. To make their voices , or teeth chatters, heard.

In a nation where only about 60% of the population usually votes it is refreshing that the dead have taken the time and effort to fill in for the lazy bastards who don’t vote.

Now, we have no videos of dead people voting, which is odd since everything that happens nowadays is posted on Youtube within 3 minutes of the event. (See the pretty kitty playing with the birdy. Oops.) But, as the Oxford trained Senator Kennedy of Louisiana has said when asked about charges about Biden made without evidence: The absence of evidence is evidence.

So, to follow Senator Kennedy, the lack of video or other evidence of dead people voting in no way changes the fact that dead people have voted. Digest that. The absence of evidence is evidence.

That being the case, we can let our imaginations construct the probably scenario of dead people voting.

Since dead people are socially responsible they would certainly maintain social distancing in the voting line. (I say socially responsible because of the massive effort to get out of their graves. Getting out of a box buried by your family under ground is not easy. Take it from me.) Plus, wearing a mask hides the fact that their faces have long since rotted away. On the plus side, since they can’t breathe they could not infect anyone else. On the minus side what could be worse than contracting the covid when you are already dead? I mean, talk about piling it on.

After waiting politely in line for hours (what is time for a dead person, no job interviews to go to?) the zombie-like voter would approach the polling place. Of course, they would need to produce proof of identity. Can you prove you are Hester Mc Gillicutty? Easy. Here is my death certificate. Signed, sealed and dated, 1875.

Filling in the ballot may be a problem. But, poll workers are nothing if not creative. A rubber band would be enough to secure the Sharpie to the bony intermediate and proximal phalanges. So, the vote is recorded. Or kind of recorded. Without eyes they may fill in the ballot a little outside the bubble. Or outside the ballot completely.

Seems as though some folks are condemning the dead for voting. Not me. What a great example of civic responsibility. What a great role model for our youngsters and the newly deceased. I mean people were beaten and died for the right to vote. The living dead showing us the way.

So, let’s not condemn the dead. Let us celebrate their patriotism. Their devotion to the nation. And, after all, their brains have atrophied to the point of extinction. So, I guess we know who they voted for after all.

How To Vote

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There is a lot of talk about the Postal service and how it may impact the election this year. That is a problem, but like every problem (well, almost every problem) there is a solution.

Is there voter suppression? Yes. Do some states make it difficult for city folks (read: African Americans) to vote by limiting polling places? Yes. Are they wheeling away mailboxes in urban areas? Yes.

But, by doing a little research into your home state and county you may find it is easier to vote than you think. Bottom line. And I will repeat this.

DON’T WAIT

And again….

DON’T WAIT.

Vote as early as possible. Do not use the mail service unless absolutely necessary. Voting early means you are not likely to face long lines and can easily social distance.

If you are voting absentee, HAND DELIVER you ballot before election day if it is legal to do so. (In NY you cannot hand deliver your absentee ballot on election day!)

You may be surprised at how many states make it very easy for you to vote. I have 2 links below, which are fairly up to date. One on voting regulations for each state, the other on EARLY VOTING for states that allow it.

Let me summarize briefly:

35 states/territories allow you to request an absentee ballot without a reason; 20 states/territories allow an absentee ballot with a reason and a few are now accepting covid-19 as a reason. One state has no absentee voting because ALL voting is by mail (Oregon).

30 states/territories have early voting in person. (Link is below) . So if you live in one of those states you can vote early and in person. Not likely to be long lines for early voting! No mail to worry about. Do it!

Almost every state (except NH and Minnesota and with some restrictions Wisconsin) allow provisional voting. That means if you are registered and get to the polling place and you are not on the rolls you have the right to cast a provisional ballot. Then, you must go to the County Board of Elections and prove your residency (usually within a couple days). So, always vote, even if they tell you you are not eligible. It is your right. Recall that in 2000 with the massive voter purge in Florida thousands of legal voters were eliminated, including a US Congresswoman ! She knew enough to demand a provisional ballot; I wonder how many did not?

21 states/territories have same day registration. This is especially good for younger voters. Just make sure you have the right ID. By the same token, the other states/territories do NOT have same day registration. For example, In Georgia you must register by October 5 to be eligible to vote. In Kansas you have until October 13th. Use the link below.

If you do request an absentee ballot can you hand deliver it instead of using the mail? That is a question you need to ask at your own local board of elections.

The two links below are very helpful for locating information for this election. They can link you to info specific to your state. Keep in mind that a few states have different rules for each county. Find out well in advance. No excuses.

Don’t let them steal another one.

https://www.usvotefoundation.org/vote/state-elections/state-voting-laws-requirements.htm

https://www.vote.org/early-voting-calendar/

Where’s the Horse?

Kamala Harris has been chosen by Joe Biden to be his running mate in this election. Watching MSNBC , the liberal Democratic news channel, people are euphoric. She is , after all, a good, solid, intelligent choice. The obvious choice.

According to the talking heads she will only add to Biden’s upcoming victory. And beyond that, she is now in place to be the first woman president of the United States. They all agree, when Biden’s 4 years are up, he will relinquish the crown to Kamala.

She will then be elevated into the highest elective office in the land.

That is the “cart” of the current euphoric liberal Democrats. It’s in the bag. The presidency of Kamala Harris is inevitable. She’s in the cart.

Problem. Where is the horse?

In 2016 the “brain trusts” of the Hillary Clinton campaign put the cart before the horse. I recall in the last weeks of the campaign they were focusing on Arizona, a deeply red state. They wanted a big victory. And the polls  (except for the LA Times) and pundits had only one question. How big was the victory going to be? By how much would she bury Donald Trump?

(One of the members of the Clinton brain trust was Donna Brazile. The same Donna Brazile who was the campaign manager for the failed Gore presidential bid. A man who lost his home state. Brilliant strategy. The same Brazile who worked on the Mondale campaign. He lost. The same Brazile who worked on the Gephardt campaign. He lost. the same Brazile who worked on the Dukakis campaign . A man who at one point held a 55-38% lead on George Bush. He lost. The same Brazile who worked on the Jackson campaign. He lost. Do you detect a pattern here? And after Hillary lost in 2016 Brazile changed jobs. The 5 time loser was hired as an expert. She became a commentator on the Fox News network).

Back to 2016. The Democratic brain trust did not send Clinton to Michigan. They did not get out the vote. Why not? It was in the cart. They did not have her campaign late in the election in Wisconsin. No problem. In the cart. Not in Pennsylvania. We got this. No worries.  In the cart. Relax, it’s in the cart.

The brain trusts of the Hillary campaign were so sure of victory that they rented a massive hall with a “glass ceiling”. This was going to be an historic victory. The glass ceiling was going to be busted through. Smashed. The polls (except for the LA Times) were clear. And, to be sure, the American people overwhelmingly voted for Hillary. They were in the cart.

And the cart sat there. Full of hubris. The cart sat there as the votes came in. Full of the brain trusts. The cart sat there. The glass ceiling stayed intact. The cart was going nowhere.

Only one problem. Where is the horse? Who was supposed to bring the horse? What happened to the horse? We need a horse! But the brain trust had left open the barn door.

Good old Mr Ed was making a speech in Wisconsin.  Whirlaway was away eating grass in a field in Ohio. Seabiscuit was out to lunch in Michigan. Secretariat was on vacation in Moscow. Hubris doesn’t pull a cart.

So, before we anoint Kamala Harris as the 47th president of the United States, perhaps we need to put first things first. Instead of a coronation we should harness up the workhorses and make sure the votes are counted in 2020. First things first. One step at a time.

Be excited. Yes. Be confident. Yes. Be hopeful, Yes. But leave the hubris behind. Don’t ask the advice of Donna Brazile. Don’t put the cart before the horse.

Acceptance Speech Dilemma

Mr Trump, who has not allowed any opposition within the GOP to his nomination, has to decide where to make his acceptance speech. According to news sources has has narrowed down his choices to the White House and Gettysburg. Two of the most important sites in US history.

However, I have learned though White House sources that these are not the only two places under consideration. The White House brain trust of Donald Junior, Ivanka, Jeb the night janitor and Bobo the One Eyed chimp are looking at other options and their pros and cons. They have formed a committee to investigate the possible itinerary for the speech, the Committee to Investigate Territory Now, (Comintern). I was able to speak with the most articulate member of the Committee, Bobo just last night.

Me: Hi Bobo. So, have a banana. What can you tell me about the possible speech sites?

Bobo: Hoot..hoot…hoot. (Through our interpreter, Jane) We have good sites. Many good sites.

Me: For example, what is on your list?

(Note : For simplification the rest of Bobo’s account will eliminate his actual words or hoots. They are the words of the Interpreter. Also, for clarification, Bobo did consume 3 bunches of bananas during the process)

Bobo: First thought was Mount Rushmore. Maybe taking a jack hammer to Lincoln to make room for a carving of the best president ever. Imagine. Donald Trump making the speech below a massive carving of Donald Trump. It boggles.

Me: So, what else?

Bobo: Then we thought, well, this was Ivanka’s idea, maybe fly to China. Have a great photo op in one of Ivanka’s purse factories. Donald could be surrounded by smiling faces of happy kids . Happy because they have a 30 minute break (unpaid, of course). But Xi would not agree. So that got nixed.

Me: So, other options?

Bobo: We tossed around the idea of Florida. Anywhere in Florida. At any hospital. Donald would go into a Covid-19 ICU and spray the patients with Clorox bleach. Show some real leadership fighting the pandemic. But no hospital would give us permission. Something about the Hippocratic Oath. Guess there are a lot of hypocrites in Florida.

Me: So, that one went down the tubes. Any other possibilities?

Bobo: Donald Junior suggested a golf course. One of Trump’s own golf courses. What symbolizes a connection with the white working class better than a country club? Donald would drive out in a gold plated golf cart onto the first tee. He would be followed by Pence in a silver plated golf cart. Pence would lie down on the tee box, balance a golf ball on his nose and Donald would smack it into the fairway. Then, they would ride down to the green of the first hole, Pence always 5 lengths behind Donald. Donald would drive his cart right up to the hole, lean down and take out a golden golf ball with MAGA emblazoned on it. Then give the best speech ever. We had a minor problem when we practiced this one. Pence is still recovering at Walter Reed hospital. Thank god for Obamacare.

Me: Well, Bobo, I hate to say it, but you guys really haven’t come up with much.

Bobo: Think not? You haven’t heard our back up emergency plan.

Me: Emergency plan?

Bobo: Yep, if Donald keeps dropping in the polls. And if the Manhattan district attorney gets a hold of Trump’s tax returns. We will fly the entire family along with Roger Stone and Bill Barr to the Kremlin. Kindly ask permission for an audience with Donald’s boss. Then the Donald will drop to his knees and deliver his farewell address at the feet of Vlad. It’s the last resort, of course. But certainly an option.

Me: Well, if that happens there will be a lot of angry Americans. And even more happy ones.

Bobo: No kidding. One thing for sure. Once we land in Moscow, they will never see Air Force One again. Pass that banana over here, would ya?

 

Finally, An Honest Man

A friend of mine, Diogenese Lamplighter, was walking around with a big smile on his face. Which is quite unusual for him. So, being curious and always willing to throw a blanket over happiness , I had to intervene.

Me: Dio, old boy. What have you got to smile about?

Dio: Well, cranky one, I have finally reached my goal. I have found an honest man. Just one. But he is an honest man.

Me: Needless to say, Dio, I am a bit skeptical. A truly honest man?  Are you sure or have you been hitting ouzo again?

Dio: A man who tells it like it is. No bullshit. He says what he means and means what he says. Total honesty.

Me: Wow. Where did you find this guy? In a monastery or church…wait.. of course not. Hmm. In a cave somewhere far away from civilization? Where, oh, wise one, where?

Dio: 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington, DC.

Me: OK. Let me google map that…hmmm… hey… wait a minute, Dio, that’s the White House! You mean there is someone in the White House who is an honest man? That would be a first.

Dio: Oh yes. A completely honest man. A man who hides nothing.

Me: (kind of excited now, which doesn’t happen much) Who? Who? Jared? No way. Maybe Steve Miller? Nah, can’t be. I know, I know..it’s got to be Barron? Right?

Dio: No, my foolish, disillusioned friend, it is none other than Donald J Trump, President of the United States.

Me: Sheesh. Now I KNOW you have been not only hitting the ouzo but also soaked the grape leaves in too much white wine. Trump? Honest? Give me a break.

Dio: I will do better. I will give you my analysis. After all these years of searching for an honest man, it has only been Donald J Trump, President of the United States, who has dared to speak the truth.

Me: But… but… he is a racist, a xenophobe, a climate change denier… even some Republicans don’t like him.

Dio: Oh, but you are missing the point. For the last 40 years the Republican party has done everything it legally can to support big business. At the expense of workers. And at the expense of the small business owner. They have pretended to care about workers but oppose the minimum wage. They say they want health care but have opposed health care reforms for years. They are in court right now, trying to destroy the ACA.  As Mr Reagan said, in the eyes of the GOP the “government is the problem”. Because “government” is the only thing preventing corporations from driving out small business and keeping wages low.

Me: Well, I don’t know. Seems to me that the GOP over the last 40 years have just been advocating for following the Constitution.

Dio: Did the Constitution say corporations are “persons”? Or that voting should be suppressed?  Or that black folks should not have equal protection under the law? Or that the post office should be destroyed? Or prisons privatized?

Me: So, what is your point?

Dio: My point is that the Republican party has been a party of racism (remember the Willie Horton ad), bigotry, sexism and anti-working man and anti-small business for at least 40  years. But they pretend to be otherwise. I mean, how can you win an election if  you tell people that you’re main motivation is to screw them?  How can you win an election if you tell folks ahead of time that you are giving millionaires massive tax breaks because it is good for people making $7.25 an hour (the minimum wage)? How can you win an election by telling working people that they would be better off without government protection of their water? But Trump. He is honest.

Me: So , you are saying that Trump just says what the GOP has been afraid to say?  But that they really do support him and his racism and misogyny and general disdain for science and  working people?

Dio: DUH. Mr Trump just says out loud what the GOP has been saying, with their policies, for the last 40 years. Now, I admit, he is a bit more vulgar than many in the GOP would like, but he has given them the government they want.  Corrupt. Racist. Incompetent. Authoritarian.

Dio: I can snuff out the flame on my lamp. Finally, an honest man.

Trump Free Tuesdays

Do you have what the white nationalists call Trump Derangement Syndrome (TDS)? The ever present depression caused by having the mentally ill guy in the White House? Do you suffer daily anxiety wondering if your fellow citizens are really stupid or racist enough to vote the conman back into office?

I feel your pain. But we all need a break. My solution?

A national movement to make Tuesdays free of anything Trump.

Trump Free Tuesdays.

While Fox news drones a constant approval of the idiot other networks, like CNN and MSNBC beat a drum of disapproval. Either way Trump wins. It’s Trump. Trump. Trump. 24/7.

No matter if you think he is god’s own gift to America or a two bit conman drowning in self-pity. Matters not. He makes for “good press”. So, he wins. The old marketer’s saying: There is no such thing as bad publicity.

This constant barrage of tweets, photo ops, tough guy talk and all around bullshit will have an effect on your psyche. Time to take break.

God created the heaven, Earth, day and night, all the animals and the entire universe in 6 days. On the 7th day she realized she had unintentionally created Donald Trump. (Something to do with a slip up when creating a snake and a slug) So, even god took a break. She rested. She cried. Then rested.

So, let’s turn off Donald Trump on Tuesdays. If the news comes on and mentions his name. Mute it. Or don’t turn on the news at all. If you are on twitter, don’t tweet. If your friends post an article about him on Fakebook. Ignore it. If you see a “Trump 2020” flag flying your area (Yep, I see them) keep your eyes on the road.

Give yourself and your psyche a break. Take Tuesday off. And remember, Trump is one of god’s creations. Forgive her. We all make mistakes. When you are god you make whoppers!

Of course, nothing hurts the mentally ill guy more than being ignored. He demands to be noticed. He wants to be in your head. So, let’s take back Tuesdays and make that day Trump free. A day we can enjoy. A day to imagine what it was like BC (before conman). A day to see only the brighter side of life.

Exploding Heads

I was watching an interview with Joe Biden on MSNBC  last night. Also, on the show was the Georgian Democrat, Stacy Abrams. There seems to be a push by some on the left to make her Biden’s vice presidential candidate. That, in my opinion, would be a massive mistake. She is a nice enough lady but lacks the experience  and recognition that Biden needs in a running mate.

So, I got to thinking. Always a unique and dangerous activity.

Want to watch Rush Limbaugh’s massive cranium blown apart like a giant pumpkin after a meeting with a shotgun blast?

How would you like to see Sean Hannity whining and crying (well, that’s nothing new) like a 3 year old as his noggin develops nodules and the bile spills out?

How about seeing the three Fox and Friends taking turns running in circles and jumping up and down like  Mexican jumping beans (ILLEGAL Mexican jumping beans) while their noodles wilt like ice cubes in the sun.

Picture Lindsey Graham pouting, shouting, pounding, sounding, kazooming and glooming while his cranium is crushed like an anvil dropping on Wiley Coyote . Like that picture?

How about sitting back in your easy chair watching the Tweeter-in-Chief’s “biggest brain in the world” implode, explode, overload and miggletoad like a rotting tomato in the claws and jaws of a hungry squirrel ? Totally obliterated. OUCH.

Want to see that? Want to see unbridled panic? Want to see a political party and news network brought to it’s knees slobbering and babbling about a series of non sequitor non sequitors?

Easy. Joe Biden should select Michelle Obama as his running mate.

In a poll in 2018, Michelle Obama placed second among voters as the person they would want to see as the Democratic nominee. Only Joe Biden did better. Yes, even though she was not running and had no intention of running she placed better than Sanders, Harris, Warren, Booker…you name them.

In poll after poll, national and international, Michelle Obama is rated as either near the top or the most popular woman. Most respected. Classiest.

Imagine a campaign in which Joe Biden, Michelle Obama and Barack Obama are all in the Democratic  limelight. Imagine the right wing misery to see one of the most popular former presidents and one of the most popular females in the US  joining forces with Biden to win the election. Imagine how much excitement would be generated by this combination.

Imagine Michelle Obama, an advocate of decency and women’s rights, going up against Pence, Trump’s wooden soldier.  Discussing voting rights, women’s rights, health care and general competency. She would have him for lunch. As a salad. Easy on the French dressing.

Obama -Biden won in 2012 and 2016. Biden-Obama can win, and I think win easily, in 2020.  The Trump team knows it. There is no one they fear more than the Obamas, Barack and Michelle. The models for what a president and first family SHOULD be. (The reason for the Obamagate fantasy is precisely because they fear Barack and Michelle so much)

What a contrast that would be. Biden-Obama vs. Trump-Pence. What a contrast in the area of decency. Competency. Empathy. Experience. But best of all….

Just imagine the fun of watching the exploding heads on the right wing. KABOOM!

The Roller Coaster

It looks like the next election will be a choice among 3 old white guys. But 3 old white guys with significantly different views of the role of government in our lives. WHAT? You mean all old white guys are not the same? Who knew.

This race got me thinking. Always a problem. Thinking about roller coasters.

Roller coasters have always made me sick. Literally. I haven’t been riding on one in probably 30 years. They make me nauseous. Some people like them. Thrilling. Up and down. And up. And down. And up. Not for me. Give me Mr Toad’s wild ride in the teacup.

We have been on a roller coaster for 4  years. Many people wanted the roller coaster. They wanted to shake us up. Make some of us sick. Excite us. So we have seen what 4 years of riding a roller coaster brings.

Now, some folks still like the roller coaster. Four years are not enough. They want four more years of the up and down. They want to ride it forever. The swirls and twirls and thrills as the scenery screams by. And the folks on the roller coaster are also screaming. Some with joy. Others in horror.It’s a blast!

Why did I get on this thing? What was I thinking? Let me off!

So, now we have three choices.

We can stay on the roller coaster for 4 more years. Up and down. Vomiting. Thrilled to death. Wheeeee!

There are some folks want to get off one ride and jump right on another one. We can get off the roller coaster  and look around. Hey , look at that. It’s a Tilt-a-Whirl. Not as bad as the roller coaster. Tilting up and down and round and round. Tilting. Looks like fun. OK, maybe it’s still a bit unsettling, but at least it’s not the roller coaster. I will probably be okay.

Then there are folks like me. Still staggering from the roller coaster. Waiting for my stomach to settle down. Looking for a bench. A nice bench by the pond. Stop and sit. Have a hamburger. Sip a Coca-Cola. Relax.

We have a choice. Ride the roller coaster for 4 more years? Try out the Tilt-a-Whirl for 4 years and see how that settles the stomach? Or take a long rest? Take a break. Take  a breath.

As for me, I don’t need any more amusement park  rides. I am not amused.

Playing By The Rules

I coached baseball, basketball , softball and soccer for many years. Mostly at the high school level.  Every sport has a rule book. Very precise rules. Except soccer, which has more flexible “laws”. At any rate, the rules are written and you play by the rules.

That is what I tried to impress on my players. Know the rules. Play by the rules. If you break the rules, take the penalty. That is just sports.

But I also emphasized to them that there are actually two sets of rules. There are the rule book rules and then there are the actual rules. The second set of rules is more important. That set of rules changes for every contest. That second set of rules depends on the umpire or referee. The men and women who are interpreting the rules. Making decisions. Making the calls.

A good player will try to figure out how the ref is calling the game. If the umpire is calling low pitches “strikes” and high pitches “balls”, then your pitcher should keep it low. If the soccer ref is allowing a few elbows to fly now and then and some pushing, well, loosen up those elbows. If the basketball ref is calling every ticky-tack foul, stop ticky-tacking. In other words, play the rules, but also play the ref.

I recall umpiring a middle school baseball game between two competing schools. Now, middle school pitchers  can often not be too accurate. And middle school age coaches want their players to hit the ball and play the game, not sit around and wait for walks. So, before the game I told both coaches that today was going to be a big strike zone. If the ball was near the plate its going to be a strike. Better be swinging the bat. They both concurred. Both were happy. As long as the rules were evenly enforced.

Which brings me to Mike Bloomberg.

Many Democrats are angry and frustrated that this billionaire has been spending like a drunken sailor on leave . (No offense, Dan). He is a real self-made billionaire  (unlike the IMPOTUS) and has plenty to spend. Some say he is worth $60 billion. The 14th richest man in the world.

Some candidates are suggesting he is trying to buy the Democratic nomination . (DUH). They say he has an unfair advantage (DUH. DUH). They say they don’t want a billionaire stealing the nomination. Can’t say that I blame them. After all, they have been working for years to get this job and he just plunks down a pile of cash and he is in the race.

Well, we will know more about Bloomberg once he gets on stage and has to answer some questions. Another rich guy, Tom Steyer, got on the stage and, in my opinion, stunk it up. He showed that having money does not translate into being astute or knowledgeable. We will see how Bloomberg does.

But no matter how he does, the Dems had better understand the rules of the game. Not as they WANT the rules to be, but what the real rules are. And in the US elections money talks. And big money talks big. Money is part of the rules.

No matter what “laws” exist concerning campaign funding, the bottom line is that the Federal Election commission has virtually no enforcement ability. Imagine a football ref who could call a foul but could not enforce a penalty. That is the system under which we live.

Also, Citizens United has made the case that money equals speech. Logically, the more money you have, the more speech you have. So Bloomberg has the biggest mouth in America. Trump is the biggest gasbag, for sure. But Trump’s “wealth” is dwarfed by Mike’s. Minor league.

Back to the rules. The GOP has made it clear that they want no rules. Russian interference? No problem. Ukraine extortion? OK with them. Unregulated cash from (fill in the blanks) is okey-dokey. Those are the REAL rules.

The Trump campaign will flood the TV and internet and Facebook and Twitter with misinformation. Lies. Vulgarity. Coded messages (or not coded) supporting racism, misogyny and xenophobia. The Trump hate machine will be in full force. The gloves are off.

So, the Dems better bring some brass knuckles to the fight. Bloomberg can flood the media, as he has been doing. He has the money and personality to play by the real rules. Nothing to be scared of. He’s a wealthy billionaire plutocrat, but he’s OUR plutocrat. Embrace him. Welcome him. We need him.

We may not like these rules. We may not want these rules. But we better play by these rules. The real rules. Otherwise it will be four or MORE years of attacks on the separation of powers. If we don’t win this election it may very well be the LAST election.  If that’s the case we may see the end of democracy. No matter what the written rules say.

So, don’t be afraid of Bloomberg. For too long the Dems have been playing it by the book. Time to throw the book out the window and play to win. Play by the rules.

 

 

 

The Death of a Whistle Blower

The whistle blower is dead.

No, not the whistle blower who saw the illegal actions of Trump and reported them to the proper authorities. Not yet, anyway. This whistle blower was  Chinese doctor from Wuhan province. He is dead from the highly contagious deadly virus we call coronavirus.

Dr. Li Wenliang was only 34 years old. When he discovered the fact that his patient had an unknown virus and was spreading it, he took action. He thought it might be SARS.  It was too late for him, since he had no way of knowing how virulent the virus was before he treated his patients.

As soon as he understood the possible repercussions of the virus he immediately informed his colleagues on a web site. On December 31 he put out the warning. This was bad. This was transmitted human to human. This was highly contagious and deadly.  Take precautions . Get on top of this. He blew the whistle on the virus.

The Chinese government did not like it. Bad PR. Might lead to panic. So, Dr . Li Wenlaing was arrested. YES. Arrested for blowing the whistle. Then he was silenced.

Then he was forced to plead guilty. To spreading rumors. From an interview he did a few days before his death.

How did you feel when the police accused you of spreading rumors?

The police believed this virus was not confirmed to be SARS. They believed I was spreading rumors. They asked me to acknowledge that I was at fault.

I felt I was being wronged, but I had to accept it. Obviously I had been acting out of good will. I felt very sad seeing so many people losing their loved ones.

How long will it take you to recover? What do you plan to do afterward?

I started coughing on Jan. 10. It will take me another 15 days or so to recover. I will join medical workers in fighting the epidemic. That’s where my responsibilities lie.

But the good doctor did not survive. At 34, he is dead, leaving behind a wife, a 4 year old and an unborn child. According to Dr Li Wenliang if the government had disclosed the possible problems with the virus earlier, it may have limited the spread.

So, the whistle blower is dead. He was guilty, under Chinese law, of spreading rumors. He was silenced.

We don’t silence whistle blowers in the US. They are protected. We want them to come forth with information the public needs. Or information about government wrongdoing.

Senator Lindsey Graham of South Carolina has a different idea, however. He follows the Chinese model. He plans to call the whistle blower and make him pay for blowing the whistle on Trump’s illegal activities.

“During an interview with Fox Business anchor Maria Bartiromo over the weekend, Senate Judiciary Committee Chairman Lindsey Graham vowed to compel testimony from the whistleblower in order to get to the bottom of what led to impeachment against President Trump. He also reiterated his plans to investigate the Bidens for their involvement with Burisma, the most corrupt company in Ukraine. ….

“”The day of reckoning is coming for congressional and Senate oversight of Joe Biden and the FISA warrant process,” Graham said.

A day of reckoning. For all whistle blowers. President Trump agrees. And president Xi of China concurs.

 

 

https://townhall.com/tipsheet/katiepavlich/2020/02/03/lindsey-graham-ill-be-calling-the-whistleblower-for-testimony-a-day-of-reckoning-is-coming-n2560619

The Grabber in Chief

Well, I have read the statement by Murkowski and the editorial by Portman as to why they will not vote to convict Trump. And the Collins statement as well. They all concur.

Mr Trump did wrong. He tried to subvert a US election. Using taxpayer funds. Extortion.

Lamar Alexander agrees. It is PROVEN. The president extorted a foreign power to undermine democracy. And they all concur. This is not an impeachable offense.

There is really no logical box for this. He did wrong. He tried to undermine the very electoral process that puts him in office. And that’s not nice.

It’s not nice to extort. And the case has been made. But its not enough. If only we had MORE evidence we might be able to impeach. But we have no witnesses. No documents. If only the House had provided witnesses and documents.

The House should have subpoenaed more witnesses and documents.  So what if Trump obstructed the Congress. And fought it out in court for 10 or 12 months. Of course then we would have complained that the Dems  were trying to undermine the election by dragging it out.  Playing politics! Either way, WE WIN!!

So, we have the following:

He committed a crime.

We know he committed a crime.

The House PROVED their case.

The House was not able to obtain ALL the evidence because the guy who committed a crime stonewalled them.

So we will not convict him.

Which leaves us with the following. A president who can do whatever he wants with the powers of the state. A president who took his sharpie and just scratched out the word “impeachment” in the Constitution. But he didn’t do it alone.

His next step? Investigating the whistleblower . Already “outed” by Rand Paul. Already being announced by Senator Graham of South Carolina. How DARE anyone report potential criminal activity. He will pay. And all whistleblowers shall be SILENCED  in the future. No more scandals. This is the last scandal. It’s done.

Time for the purges to begin. Purge Pelosi . And Schiff. And any non-believer. . Investigate them. Perhaps Putin can manufacture some emails. It’s all good.

As Trump said, he likes to grab em by the pussy. And he has grabbed the entire Republican Senate by the pussy (with Romney as a possible exception). Male and female he has grabbed them.

And as Trump promised. They LIKE it.

 

The Ten New Things

As the three people who read my blog know, I am pretty good at predicting things. I predicted that Jeb Bush would win the presidency in 2016, that Medicare for all would be enacted and that all Republican gun owners would turn in their weapons as a show of support for children murdered every day in America. OK, so maybe no so good. HOWEVER, here is part of my end of the year prediction from December , 2017, when the GOP controlled both houses…

“Finally. Congress votes itself a 50% pay raise for a “job well done”. The legislative branch passed a total of three bills. They were: 1. “The Amazing Trump is the Best President Ever” bill awarding the Trump Medal of MAGA to the best person in America. This year’s recipient? Donald Trump. 2. “The FBI Traitor” law. Which labels all members of the FBI, former and current, official “enemies of the people” and subject to immediate permanent detention and prosecution for doing “bad stuff”. Mueller is the first to be perp walked. 3. “Congressional Vacation Act” which allows Congress to take a vacation for a period including January 2 through December 30, with pay and expenses for fact finding travel.  Mr Trump signed all three bills and praised Congress for their services… which will no longer be necessary.”

I was watching the pundits on Morning Joe this morning talking about the demise of the Democratic Party because of the APP problems in counting the Iowa Democratic caucus votes. Their main theme was the incompetency of the Democratic Party. And by extension any Democratic administration. Okey Dokey.

This was similar to another Democratic government run debacle with the roll out of the Affordable Care Act. We all remember how Obama and the Dems screwed that up. Big government at its worse. Except.

Except both the ACA roll out and the Iowa caucus problems were not caused by “big government” at all. Both were major technical  problems made by private contractors, not the government. In a nation where the prevailing narrative remains that business is more efficient than government, we see the opposite. It is the private contractors that screw things up. Regularly.

Now, let’s look at really BIG government, the Social Security administration and Veterans administration. These are the government folks who send out your Social Security and Veterans benefit checks. And have been doing so for decades. Ever miss a payment? Ever have a check bounce. Ever have a failure to deliver? I rest my case.

But, back to the pundits who are already predicting the end of the Democratic Party. It is February 4, 2020. Between now and Election day there will be at least 10 new things that will once again give the pundits something new to predict. And they will be just as certain of themselves and just as wrong as they always are. As a self-made pundit, here are my 10 new things.

1. One of the Democratic candidates will be physically assaulted, by weapon or by fist. And she will punch back.

2. A major US corporation will file for bankruptcy. And be given tax dollars as compensation.

3. Kim Jung Un will announce that he has a nuclear weapon and the ability to reach the US with it. Also announces a contract for new Trump Tower in Pyongyang.

4. Donald Trump, Jr will announce the best trade deal ever with China, and the details will be forthcoming. The details never come forth.

5. A number of global warming catastrophes around the globe will prompt the UN to hold a global warming summit, which the US will refuse to support.

6. The GNP will continue to hover around 2.3% but no one knows what that means. Although 76% of the population is certain it has something to do with the Super Bowl.

7. Photos will emerge of Mike Pence leaving a room with a woman. She looks scared. So does he.

8. Israel will announce that they accept the Kushner peace plan which allows Palestinians to look at their former homes on the West Bank during Ramadan. For 2 minutes.

9. Mike Bloomberg will buy North Dakota, Mississippi and Arkansas, giving him enough votes to win the election. He complains that he has used up all his pocket change for the week.

10. Vlad Putin will make a surprise appearance at the Republican convention and will graciously accept the nomination for president by acclimation of the party. Why not eliminate the middle man? Vlad  will then appoint Ivanka Trump as his running mate.

So, those are my predictions. And after each event the pundits will all-knowingly tell us what it means. Again.

I know what you are thinking. Most of these are WAY OUT THERE and probably not going to happen. But  number 10 is just obvious.

https://josephurban.wordpress.com/2017/12/

https://www.forbes.com/sites/techonomy/2013/11/10/the-unhealthy-truth-about-obamacares-contractors/#1a8f06bf644f

 

 

The Retrial of Benjamin Forsythe

Benjamin Forsythe wants a new trial.

In 2017 he was accused, and later convicted, of shoplifting. The prosecution claims he had hidden some dog toys … yes, DOG TOYS … in his girlfriend’s purse. Then they left the store without paying.

Well, they did have SOME evidence against him, to be sure. They never actually found the toys in his girlfriend’s purse. BUT. They had a video of him going to the car and bringing his girlfriend’s purse into the store. They had some empty dog toy shelves. Stuff like that.

To be clear, they didn’t catch him in the act. It was only a day later when some store employers noticed some empty packaging in the dog toy department that they investigated. Sure enough, the Sherlock-type sleuths discovered that his girlfriend had absconded with $ 186 worth of dog toys!

Some of you who do not own pets may wonder how anyone could stuff $186 worth of dog toys into a purse unnoticed. I mean, that sounds like a lot of Fido fun. Loads of doggy diversions. Now, those of you WITH pets might have a different view. I mean, where can you get a purse load of dog toys for ONLY $186? Must have been in the discount bin. Give me the address of that store. But I digress.

So, despite his pleas of innocence (his girlfriend took complete responsibility, the sweet thing) he was convicted and sentenced. To 2 to 23 months in jail. For pilfering dog toys. Well, I said he was convicted of shoplifting, but not exactly. Since he, himself, never stole any dog toys he was actually convicted of  “conspiracy to commit retail theft”. YIKES. That’s sounds a lot worse than shoplifting. A conspiracy.

So poor Benjamin was convicted. But that was then. This is now.

After watching hours and hours of the impeachment trial of Donald Trump from his prison cell, Benjamin had second thoughts. The first thought was this. Being  forced to watch hours and hours of the impeachment trial may be grounds for release on a  “cruel and unusual punishment” claim.

Second, he wanted a new trial with Lamar Alexander as foreman of the jury.

You see, Lamar Alexander has stated, in writing,  publicly that  “yes”, the House managers did present a convincing case. In fact, according to Lamar, he is convinced that president Trump DID solicit (extort)  the Ukrainian government to try to force them to present an announcement of an investigation into the Bidens. He had seen enough, but it was not enough to convict.

So Senator Alexander does not need any more proof. Trump is a criminal. The facts are clear. Undisputed.  But, since Trump is a criminal Lamar has decided NOT to vote to remove him from office. Or to seek any more evidence which might even further prove the case already proven by the House managers. Because, after all, if we convicted criminals what would be next? Slippery slope.

Lamar’s statement: “…There is no need for more evidence to prove that the president asked Ukraine to investigate Joe Biden and his son, Hunter; he said this on television on October 3, 2019, and during his July 25, 2019, telephone call with the president of Ukraine. There is no need for more evidence to conclude that the president withheld United States aid, at least in part, to pressure Ukraine to investigate the Bidens; the House managers have proved this with what they call a ‘mountain of overwhelming evidence.’ There is no need to consider further the frivolous second article of impeachment that would remove the president for asserting his constitutional prerogative to protect confidential conversations with his close advisers. 

“It was inappropriate for the president to ask a foreign leader to investigate his political opponent and to withhold United States aid to encourage that investigation. When elected officials inappropriately interfere with such investigations, it undermines the principle of equal justice under the law. But the Constitution does not give the Senate the power to remove the president from office and ban him from this year’s ballot simply for actions that are inappropriate….”

When Benjamin saw this he leaped for joy. That is exactly the point he was trying to make. Just because he was found to have committed a crime does not mean he should be found GUILTY of committing a crime. Just because he was involved in a conspiracy, and that was proven by the prosecution, does not justify a GUILTY verdict. It was not really a crime, it was just “inappropriate” for him to conspire to shoplift. And, if we are to uphold what Senator Alexander calls “the principle of equal justice under the law” shouldn’t Benjamin go free?

Benjamin wants Senator Alexander on his jury. And Dershowitz as his lawyer. Mr Forsythe is hoping to call Donald Trump, Jr as his character witness. If he can afford the fee.

There is a new sheriff in town. His name is Lamar. His concept of the law:   Some crimes are just not punishable. It all depends on who commits them.

https://www.pennlive.com/news/2019/03/shoplifter-jailed-for-stealing-dog-toys-denied-break-by-pa-court.html

READ Lamar Alexander’s Statement: Trump Did It, He Said He Did It on TV, but Removing Him Would Be ‘Frivolous’

L’Etat C’est Moi

 

Watching Alan Dershowitz make his arguments for presidential power was certainly mind numbing. Now, I can understand why Trump would have Dershowitz on his team. He has a long history of effectively  defending people who might have otherwise been convicted based solely on evidence. OJ Simpson, Jeffrey Epstein, Claus von Bulow and others. Also, his connections with Fox “news” and his connections with the same sex ring that Trump and Clinton seemed to be part of  what made him a good choice.

Nevertheless, despite his person flaws and general lack of integrity aside, let’s look at his arguments. Remember, no other Constitutional scholar was willing to sit on the president’s team. Not even Jonathon Turley who the Republicans brought in to testify to the House inquiry. So, Alan stands alone as the expert on the Constitution for Trump.

His basic argument has been this.

If the president did something illegal, but he did it for good reasons, then that is not impeachable.

Furthermore, if the president THINKS that his own re-election is in the public interest, anything he does to secure his own re-election is  not impeachable. As long as the president believes his re-election is what is best for the country he may take any actions to assure that re-election and , according to Dershowitz, that would not be an abuse of power.

Stunning.

Here are his own words: “Every public official that I know believes that his election is in the public interest and, mostly, you’re right — your election is in the public interest,” Dershowitz said. “If a president does something which he believes will help him get elected in the public interest, that cannot be the kind of quid pro quo that results in impeachment.“

https://www.businessinsider.com/alan-dershowitz-trump-re-election-public-interest-2020-1

I taught European history for many years when it was part of the old New York State curriculum. Since then European history has been subsumed into a more comprehensive Global Studies curriculum.

Back in the day we spent a bit of time on the French Revolution and the historical basis for that event. The long term developments leading to the Revolution are rooted in the old monarchical system.  In the 17th century there was a power struggle in France.

On one hand we had the monarch and on the other the nobles. The majority (98%) of the people could just pound sand. They really did not count.

In order to centralize his power Louis XIV decided that he needed to move against the nobles . Now, the power of the nobles was in the great city of Paris (Washington, DC). To eliminate that power center Louis decided to build a new power center, near the small village outside of Paris. A day’s ride from Paris. So he built Versailles (Mar -a – Lago). There he could control the nobles.

I have been to Versailles. It is mind boggling in both size and luxury. Especially when you consider it was built in the 17th century. A short train ride from Paris today, but in Louis’s time it was isolated from Paris. If a noble wanted to be part of the power structure he had to travel to Versailles. He had to genuflect to Louis. And so Louis was able to slowly bring the nobles under his control.

Most famously a quote attributed to Louis (whether he said it or not, he certainly acted as though he did) was : L’etat C’est Moi. I am the state.

What does that mean? There is no distinction between the interests of the state and the interest of the king. There is no division between what is good for the king and what is good for the state. I am the state. What is good for Mr Trump is, by definition good for the United States.

Now, if we accept this argument, then the following logically follows.

In November of 2020 Mr Trump believes that the election of his opponent is not in the best interests of the nation. However, he honestly believes that his own election is in the best interests of the nation. That being the case, on election night, the results are in.

Mr Trump’s opponent has won. But wait. The election of his opponent is not in the best interests of the nation. So, Mr Trump simply invalidates the election.

He asks Attorney General Barr offer his legal opinion and Mr Barr concurs. It is within the power of the president to annul the election because there is nothing in the Constitution that specifically states a president CANNOT nullify an election.

But wait, Congress can step and overturn the decision. No. According to the legal opinion of the Justice Department the president has unlimited power, as long as he is acting in what he (and he alone) considers is best for the country.  The Congress cannot review any decision made by the president. He is above the law. The imperial presidency.

And so ends democracy.

I am the state.

 

 

The “Obvious” Defense

The impeachment trial of Donald Trump started last week. The House managers presented a very thorough case. Now it is the time for the defenders of the president to speak. Fair enough.

So, what should they say? Well, let’s look at what the House has presented  and see how they can respond.

The House case focuses first on the withholding of aid to Ukraine and the withholding of a meeting in the Oval Office with the president of the Ukraine. Both are important to the Ukraine for what should be obvious reasons. Ukraine is partially occupied and is at war with Putin’s Russia. Not to belabor the point but again. Ukraine is partially occupied and at war with Putin’s Russia.

So, the Ukraine desperately needs military help. Which the Congress and the president have given them.They also just as desperately need Putin to understand that the US stands with Ukraine against his illegal occupation and aggression. So, both the military and political aid are essential.

It is a fact that the Department of Defense was ready to start to distribute the military aid to  Ukraine on June 18, 2019. From the DOD website:

“The Department of Defense announced today plans to provide $250 million to Ukraine in security cooperation funds for additional training, equipment, and advisory efforts to build the capacity of Ukraine’s armed forces.” ……https://www.defense.gov/Newsroom/Releases/Release/Article/1879340/dod-announces-250m-to-ukraine/

The DOD does not release any military aid unless a thorough review has been done to make sure the country is meeting the requirements for fighting corruption, insuring human rights, etc.

So, for the president’s Defense Team. The first point they need to address is why the military aid was withheld. What information came to light between June 18 and the hold on the aid? There may be legitimate reasons for withholding aid, if so, what were they? And why was the very process for withholding aid taken out of the usual channels and handed over to a political appointee, rather than a career official?

Along the same lines, the defense may argue that the president can unilaterally withhold aid for any reason. In fact, the aid was held up 9 different times, with no explanation. However, the Government Accounting Office relayed a decision that what Trump did was break the  law. A law that requires him to notify Congress with reasons for any hold up in aid:

“In the summer of 2019, the Office of Management and Budget (OMB) withheld from
obligation funds appropriated to the Department of Defense (DOD) for security
assistance to Ukraine. In order to withhold the funds, OMB issued a series of nine
apportionment schedules with footnotes that made all unobligated balances
unavailable for obligation.
Faithful execution of the law does not permit the President to substitute his own
policy priorities for those that Congress has enacted into law. OMB withheld funds
for a policy reason, which is not permitted under the Impoundment Control Act (ICA).
The withholding was not a programmatic delay. Therefore, we conclude that OMB
violated the ICA….”

Click to access 703909.pdf

So, the president or his staff broke the law. Period. His defense team needs to explain that and justify the hold on military aid. Why did the president think it was essential to break the law? Perhaps he had good reason.Legal reasons. What were they? And why was Congress never notified?

Furthermore, since aid was eventually released they need to answer another question. What happened to make the president change his mind and lift the hold? What new evidence emerged? Did he discover it was illegal or was there a change in Ukraine? What specific reason was there for all of a sudden releasing most of the aid?

The second charge on impeachment brought by the House managers was the obstruction of Congress. Now, it is pretty obvious that Congress was obstructed since the president refused to provide and documents or witnesses to help in the investigation. The question is, was that obstruction legal?

On Saturday the president’s team argued that the entire impeachment proceeding was illegal. So, since the proceeding was illegal they had no requirement to cooperate. Of course, this argument does have a major hole.

The position presupposes that the executive branch alone can decide for the House of Representatives what it can and cannot investigate. In other words, although the Constitution gives the sole power of impeachment to the House, the executive branch can overrule that power. The position falls flat on two levels. First, it disregards the specific language of the Constitution.

Article 1, Section 2: The House of Representatives shall chuse their Speaker and other Officers; and shall have the sole Power of Impeachment.

Of course it makes no sense legally or logically for the object of an impeachment or investigation to have the power to end an impeachment or investigation.

Along the same lines the president’s defense claimed that the House violated their own rules, so therefore the very impeachment itself is illegal. Yet, here we are. The Senate, controlled by Mitch McConnell, recognized the legality of impeachment. The Supreme Court, along with Chief Justice Roberts, recognizes the legality of the impeachment. We are having a trial precisely because the House acted legally. So, once again we have the president, alone, making claims that no other branch of government agrees with.

Now, it is legal for the president to, in certain circumstances, invoke “executive privilege”. However, invoking that privilege means the president has to make a case, before a court, that the documents or testimony being withheld is being done for legitimate national security concerns. So far, Mr Trump has made no such claim.

His lawyers, however, have taken the position that he can claim executive privilege without making a formal claim of executive privilege. In their words, he can hide anything he wants for any reason he wants. In other words, the chief executive is supreme and cannot be investigated or impeached.  Trump has taken this position publicly:

“…Trump was giving a speech at a Turning Point USA conference, where he predictably veered off into a tirade about special counsel Robert Mueller’s Russia investigation and how, as president, Trump could’ve stopped it.

“I have an Article 2 where I have the right to do whatever I want as president,” Trump said. “But I don’t even talk about that because they did a report and there was no obstruction.”…” 

AND…

“…During a pre-taped one-on-one interview with ABC News reporter George Stephanopoulos, Trump argued that “a lot of great lawyers” agree that Article 2 of the Constitution means that the President can’t obstruct justice.

“So a president can’t obstruct justice?” Stephanopoulos asked.

“A president can run the country,” Trump responded. “And that’s what happened, George. I run the country and I run it well.”

“When the President does it, it’s not illegal?” Stephanopoulos asked….”

“I’m just saying a president under Article 2–it’s very strong, read it,” Trump said. “Do you have Article 2? Read it.”

(To be clear, executive privilege is not mentioned in the Constitution)

https://talkingpointsmemo.com/news/trump-claim-article-2-right-whatever-want-president

https://talkingpointsmemo.com/news/trump-president-obstruct-justice-can-run-the-country

So, the president’s defense team will have to find a justification that he has refused to cooperate with Congress. While they may rightly point to very specific instances where other president’s have attempted (successfully or unsuccessfully) to invoke “executive privilege”, they will have to justify an unbridled power of the president to hide all his actions and documents.

Now, will the defense team address these issues raised by the House managers? Will they respond to the facts and evidence in the charges? Will they talk about how the Democrats have hated Trump from day one? Will they talk about Adam Schiff?  Will they talk about the Mueller Report being a hoax? Will they claim the entire procedure is a  “witch hunt”? Or will they talk about how corrupt the Biden’s are? Benghazi Redux?

In other words, will they address the points the Hose manager have  made, or will they deflect ? Isn’t the answer obvious?

The Murder Trial of Bobo the Clown

My good friend Bobo the Clown was indicted for murder.

The prosecutor had a video of Bobo walking into the bank. Shots were heard. Bobo left the bank with big bag.

The police were called. One bank teller was dead on the floor. Shot three times. In addition thousands of dollars were missing from the bank.

Bobo was arrested. He plead not guilty.

Bobo’s lawyer said it was a witch hunt. The police hated clowns. They were singling out Bobo because he was a clown.

So, the evidence was clear. But wait. just before the trial began 3 witnesses came forward. They all knew Bobo. They all said they saw Bobo with a gun and a bag of money. One of them even drove Bobo’s getaway car. A clown car.

Now, Bobo’s lawyer claims that these witnesses should not be allowed to testify. They are too late. They should have come forward earlier.

As it happens, the chairman of the jury, Moscow Mitch, agrees. Moscow Mitch , in addition to being chairman of the jury is a long time clown friend of Bobo. In addition Moscow Mitch decides what evidence can be presented at the trial. They go back a long way. He doesn’t want to hear anything else.

So, the fair trial begins.

Any bets on the outcome?

 

 

We Finally Got Her

Back in the 1990s we thought we had the Clintons. The most crookedest people ever. The Whitewater scandal. So we hired Ken Starr, gave him unlimited funds and subpoena power and set him loose.

We knew the Clintons were dirty and crooked. That Whitewater project was obviously going to bring them down. But even Starr , after spending over $40,000,000 could not find any financial crimes he could pin on the Clintons. Darned Clintons.

But the good news was he was able to get Bill to lie about a blow job. GOTCHA!!! OK. So, who wouldn’t lie about a sexual affair? Well, the Republican Speaker-designate of the House of Representatives, Bob Livingston, decided to resign. You see, he was having an affair himself. Oops.

But that old Bill Clinton refused to resign, so he was impeached. And acquitted. Oh , well. Still $40,000,000 well spent. After all, it tarnished the Clintons.

Then we found out that Hillary Clinton murdered Vince Foster. Couldn’t prove it. But we know she did it. How else can you explain that someone she knew has died? But the darned government refused to prosecute her. She got away with it. This was before the Whitewater whitewash.

Another special prosecutor was empowered. He would get to the bottom of Hillary’s murder of Foster. But, once again, it was not to be. After using 5 doctors, a number of FBI agents and 125 witnesses the special prosecutor concluded that Foster committed suicide. Damned Hillary escaped again.

But we weren’t done . We could still get her. There was child sex ring she was running about of the DC pizza joint. Somehow she cleverly covered her tracks on that one and we could never find the kids. Even after one of our guys shot up the place. Never found the sex ring. Which is just proof of how clever she is.

Then there was Benghazi. How did she allow terrorists in a hostile nation in which we had no military presence to kill Americans? How did she not stop terrorist from attacking Americans overseas. Now we had her. But that darn slippery Clinton.

After 9 separate investigations , including her own testimony, we still could not get her. She covered her tracks so well that she was able to kill Americans overseas and get away with it. Benghazi!  Still. just saying “Benghazi!” was pretty useful. Made her look like she was hiding something. OK. So the Republicans could find no wrong, but still….

And what about the Uranium deal. Clinton sold her uranium to the Russians! Sold all the uranium in the US to the Russians. We finally got her on that one. How dare she? Well, we could never prove she actually sold anything to the Russians. Or that she was anything other than one of a dozen people in on any decision. But, still…

So, we chanted “Lock Her Up, Lock Her Up”. Once our guy gets into the White House we can finally put her away for good. And our guy (with a little help from his comrades, er, friends) did get into the White House. And he demanded that Attorney General Jeff Sessions lead new investigations into “Crooked Hillary”. Which he did.

I couldn’t wait. The day was soon arriving. After 2 years of taxpayer funded (again) investigations we would finally nail the witch. We would have the goods. We could lock her up. And just to be on the safe side we used Republican prosecutors to investigate. Now we had her. Finally, our guys were investigating and prosecuting. She would not evade the net.

So, imagine my sadness this morning when I read the news. Nothing. Not the Uranium deal. Not the Clinton Foundation. Not nothing. She has covered her tracks so well that even after 20 years of constant investigations we could not get her. Even the Trump supporters couldn’t get her. Just shows how devious she really is.

But don’t worry. We are not done. Just 2 days ago an Ukrainian plane was shot down over Tehran. Killed  over 150 people. And Hillary was nowhere to be seen. Suspicious? Why has she not denied she masterminded the rocket attack?

I do think we need to investigate.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/national-security/justice-dept-winds-down-clinton-related-inquiry-once-championed-by-trump-it-found-nothing-of-consequence/2020/01/09/ca83932e-32f9-11ea-a053-dc6d944ba776_story.html

https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/clinton-impeachment/livingston-quits-speaker-designate/

https://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/politics/special/whitewater/stories/wwtr940701.htm

The Cruci”fiction” of Donald Trump

A Republican congressman made this statement during the debate on the impeachment of Donald Trump.

“Before you take this historic vote today, one week before Christmas, keep this in mind,” Loudermilk exclaimed. “When Jesus was falsely accused of treason, Pontius Pilate gave Jesus the opportunity to face his accusers.”

“During that sham trial, Pontius Pilate afforded more rights to Jesus than Democrats afforded this president in this process,” he concluded…..

https://www.thedailybeast.com/gop-rep-barry-loudermilk-compares-trump-to-jesus-says-pontius-pilate-was-fairer-than-democrats?ref=scroll

And so it goes. The finest man ever to don the robes of the presidency of the US has been impeached. Unfairly. Crucified. Beaten. Handed a crown of thorns. Just like Jesus.

Some may claim that the comparisons between Jesus and Trump are unfair. After all, the Christ guy never won the popular vote in an election. Other than that, the parallels in the lives of these two men…er, gods…is pretty telling.

Until recently we knew little about Jesus outside of the gospels, but a recent discovery of scrolls in a cave in Israel has shed more light on the life of the Chosen One. (I mean Jesus). The actual trial transcript of the trial of Jesus has now emerged.

The title of the document: The Roman Empire versus Jesu bin Joseph, AD 31. It is a blockbuster.

The transcript outlines how Jesus sent his lawyer, Matthew the younger, to Sumeria to dig up dirt on John the Baptist. In return, Jesus implied he would send some magic loaves and fishes to help the King of Sumeria deal with the famine. He was explicit, however, that there was no “quid pro quo”. (Since people back then spoke Latin they actually knew what what meant.)

Lawyer Matthew also paid off Mary Magdelane to keep her mouth shut about her “contacts” with the Chosen One. Twenty five silver coins and a jar of holy water, turned into a mild chablis. That did the trick.

At the trial Jesus refused to let any of his disciples testify. He invoked the highest executive privilege. He claimed that God the Father himself refused to allow any testimony. In fact, he claimed that God the Father Himself wrote a legal opinion that Jesus could not be indicted. Even if he used his slingshot and killed a Samaritan on the road to Jerusalem. Above the law.

Now, the prosecutors claimed that Jesus had defiled the temple by throwing out the money changers, a clear case of assault and battery. And obvious socialism. He worked on the Sabbath, which was against union rules. He turned water into wine and served it to minors. He even gave end of life care to Lazarus, and never left an invoice.

Worst of all, he gave out free food and free health care to the poor. And some of the poor were illegal immigrants from Egypt. Not even Roman citizens. Blue Cross/Blue Shield of Jerusalem was not happy. They were losing plenty of denarii on their prescription rider charges.

Since the transcript is incomplete we will never know how the trial turned out. But, I suspect with a jury foreman like Mitch McConnell it was an easy acquittal.

Like Jesus before him, let us hope that Mr Trump, the new son of the GOP gods, has the same fate as the first Jesus. If so, it would be a miracle.

Amen.